Woah, I haven't been home a lot the past few days :/
And Sunday, I had Chamber outing :D

From 2plus to 3plus, we were at Synwin @ Marina Square, watching various groups of people performing. Chamber sent 3 groups :D They're awesomeeee :D After that, we caught Prince of Persia at the GV there. Lol, the lead actor very handsome eh. Hahaha. It's the 3rd movie I watched in May. LOLS. After the movie, it was just time for dinner.

Lol, Han Peng brought us to a Chinese restaurant by the Singapore River. Sheryl, Ming Xuan and Yi Yang came to join us also. Lol, Yi Yang had a hard time finding us since he doesn't have a phone and it's difficult to contact him :/ And wow, China food is really cooool, but got some of the dishes I don't quite know how to eat. But still, the food was good!

I reached home slightly after 10pm. Lol. My Dad locked his room and the toilet, so I had to do everything in the smaller toilet behind -.- Must be some kind of punishment for reaching home late huh :/

Today, we had Math and Chemistry lesson!
Aww man, it's Mr Wong's last day for us since we have no more lessons with him. He's a great teacher D: I wonder who'll be our next Math teacher D: Hope he/she be as good, hilarious and as lame as Theen Yew! I paid the least attention during Chemistry -.- Because my tutorials are not done -.-

I'm not helping myself.
I keep saying I'm going to fail this fail that (TRUTH: Really, I fail) but I have never really tried to study my hardest or revise everyday. No wonder I'm still getting single digits. I have to do something this holiday! Definitely.

Anyway, I'm totally okay now :)
99.9999% okay. Found out some stuffs in the weekend and it made me realise that there's no point feeling sad about it when many things are one-sided. Thinking positive is good for survivial :D I'm fine with how things are also. I'm sure it's for the better :D

I'M HAPPY NOW :D

Training the feel.

&the pages keep turning.

:D

Mardi Gras! Woo, it was a blast! :D

MY CHAMBER FAMILY ♥
I thought the event was somewhat messy :/
Regardless, it was still fun :D
Lol and to take a photo with Ms Cai, we had to buy something from her stall. Haha thanks to Wen Xiu and her $1 notebook xD Yay :D A photo with Ms Cai.

Then Friday, mini class outing! :D
Present: Han Ren, Jasper, Jingle, Joshua, Lim Pin, Martin, Wen Xiu, Zuhair and me! Lol 9people isn't too bad for a mini outing ^.^ Haha we caught Shrek movie. Lol sweet luh :D And you know what, the chicken/duck/goose, pet of the evil Rumplestiltskin is called Fifi(or however you spell that) -.- They were all laughing at me. LOLS. Nice one.

I bought Nachos for the movie. Wen Xiu and Martin sat beside me but they didn't want my Nachos. I ended up eating that whole big thing alone! Eeew, felt so much like vomitting after that. The cheese was........ just too much :/ And I couldn't eat dinner because of that. Nauseous feeling. Yikes.

When I reached home, I tried to use lappie.
But the blue screen kept appearing D:
So I gave up.

Today, I sent it for repair at Sim Lim Square before lesson. Sigh, it costs me 50bucks. And I collected it after lesson. I lost a lot of things. I had to re-install quite a few Apps. AND I LOST THE WHOLE OF MY MICROSOFT OFFICE. That's one of the worst that could ever happen. But new stuff: Gadgets, Internet Explorer 8 etc.

Anyway, my dear lappie went for a makeover :D I pasted a new lappie sticker! :D Then on the way home, I alighted at Bedok to get some stuffie. I entered this shop which sells party items (I think) and my hands got itchy. I bought junk. Lol but the pen was cute, but it's blue ballpoint pen -.- I don't know when I'll really use it.

That's about it :D
I'm working at Ajisen this holiday again ^.^
AND NO MORE STALKER. YAY! :D

I'm feeling much happier these days :)
Because I've got the awesomest friends around me to cheer me on :D

That tinge of hope that I held on to..

&the pages keep turning.

I'm feeling alright already :D

I want to concentrate on my studies and PW now and not let any problems affect me! I'll conquer them all :D At least, I'm determined to. Hahaha :D Chamber Exco was already decided also! Lol, sadly I'm not in the Exco BUT I STILL LOVE LOVE LOVE CHAMBER ENSEMBLE! ^.^ It's the only CCA that I've ever enjoyed so much. Sometimes a bit stressful, but at the end of it, I feel it's worth it :D

Holidays are coming soon! I must jiayou! :D

Tomorrow's Mardi Gras! Hope it'll be fun ^.^

worth, or not worth?

&the pages keep turning.

I guess I felt much better talking things out.

I hated school more than usual today. I wasn't in the mood for anything. For PE, had to run 2.4km since I missed it last week -.- I hate fighting that inner devil. And maybe cuz I didn't eat proper lunch, had lack of sleep, and the fact the sun was scorching hot and burning me to death when I ran on the tracks, I breathed harder than usual, had jelly legs, splitting headache and blurred vision etc.

After school was Chamber! Haha today quite slack. We didn't even warm up and we just went downstairs for rehearsals at 7+pm. We had our dinner opposite of school! Lol it's actually the first time that we all eat together. Although not all were present, but at least most were! :D Yi Sze said we sounded very good until she got goosebumps! LOLS.

I decided to break some ice.
I know I have to accept the fact, I might have tried to escape from it for the past week, because of stress and stuff, even though I have felt something was amiss since quite a while ago. I think I've started to be able to let go of things. The talk went okay and smoothly.

But on the bus ride home, I started thinking of something and it just flowed again. I've used up too much of it in the weekends already, so today's was just a few drops :D I'll stay strong and get over it very soon! I know I can do it because I know that what doesn't belong to me will never belong to me. So.. yea!

Time to do work :D

&the pages keep turning.

I wasted quite a lot of time today. Lol.
Then afternoon, I had Pee Dubby meeting.
It totally made my day :D

It's the first time I actually enjoyed PW meeting. We had our meeting at T3 Macs! And I feel kinda proud of myself that I manage to come out with an idea. Because, I'm usually the one who questions my group idea and don't give much constructive comments :/ Yay(: Finally I've contributed to my group! Today's meeting was productive! I'm really happy for my group :D

And I reached airport really late :/ Felt quite bad..
I took a very long time to charge my spare battery :/
Then when I met them at Macs, the first thing Jia Hong asked was, "Vivi, you look very sick eh." I sat down and Cass said, "Ya, you look very pale. Your lips."

LOL. I wish I was sick. Then can skip school tomorrow.

I had a great laugh today :D I just love my PW group ^.^
"It's a pressing issue", "Nobody, nobody bak chu" etc! Hahaha.

I wish everyday could be like this.
When I can laugh to my hearts content and stop thinking for once.

For the better, or for the worse?

&the pages keep turning.

The 2nd awesomest thing happened today.
I never would have thought it would come this soon.

I've cried enough.
I just need strength to move on.

My 6th sense was never wrong.
They were all lies.

&the pages keep turning.

Chamber Concert is the awesomest thing ever :D
We had rehearsal before the actual concert. Nothing turned out right but..! Everything went on almost perfectly smooth for the performance just now. Hope everyone has enjoyed it :D But uh.. I played quite a lot of wrong notes and bowing also some problems :x :x :x

THANKS TO MY LOVELY FRIENDS WHO ATTENDED THE CONCERT :D
And I received quite a lot of flowers :D Yay I love sunflowers and diasies! ^.^

There was a short de-brief after the concert and had some photo taking also!
Seniors are gonna retire soon. And there'll be only a few of us left D: Sigh.

Anyways, I reached home at almost 12.
And crap. I got scolded. Hello? I left the school about 11plus?

Quarrelled with my mum this time.
Conclusion:
1. I wish you were not here.
2. I just can't communicate with you.

Reason being, I just can't.

She's always threatening me with the same old stuff. I don't want to hear it anymore. Sometimes adults don't understand what we're going through. I hope they would. But I know it's almost impossible. And they'll start scolding you unreasonably and think that every line you say, when you try to justify yourself, they are all lies to them.

And then again. Cried. WTH. I was feeling okay the past 2 days already. And after Chamber Concert just now, I felt so so so so much better because I can finally relax a little bit. But when I reached home, feeling tired already of all these nonsense, and then again, I got a hell lot of crap. Spare me.

Some rantings about "yesterday":
Am I the one who's thick-skinned now? Hanging on to something that might be lost or already lost. I don't want to think much about it, because all I can do now is to believe in it and hope that things will work out one day. I decided to try it again because I want to learn to believe and trust again. I wonder what kind of ending it'll be..?

&the pages keep turning.

我对这份感情太投入了。

Hope that this break will change something.

Perhaps, everyone needs a timeout?

&the pages keep turning.

Sigh, I lost today.
I gave in by apologising.
I kinda regret it.

My friends are telling me not to give in.
But I couldn't hold it any longer D:
I'll see how things goes tomorrow?

I'm upset that you're still insensitive, indifferent, ignorant and apathetic towards it.

Chamber practice today was okay. And Ms Loo pointed out to me that my bow is always different from the rest when we had our rehearsal yesterday :x Argh. 2 more days and I'm not ready at all?!! D: Jiayou, Vivi!

Maybe you just need reminders?

&the pages keep turning.

I've got many things I wanna pour out.
So I'll just cut myself of some slack for awhile.

I guess today's an okay day. Well, at the start it was at least.
Until in the middle of the day, where the not-so-happy stuff happened and I cried to Wen Xiu. I wish somebody could give me some strength now.

I'm constantly reminding myself this.
I have to get through this week. I HAVE TO get through this week.
Hopefully, after that, my emotions will be stabilise and I'll be back on my 2 feet again :D

What happened today made me realise that many things are one-sided.
It made me upset because why must I be the one who gives most of the time? I guess I'm just a selfish person. Problems are starting to surface. I'm the one who created them?

I know there's got to be communication. If not everything will break down.
But. You're the one whom I least want to talk to right now.

Why at this time?

&the pages keep turning.

The rain is so heavy that it's scary.

&the pages keep turning.

I just want concert to quickly end, PW to quickly end, life to quickly end.

I guess it's gonna be worse next year. SYF.

Sometimes I don't know what to do. All I do is cry, like some little kid(?). I wish I could be stronger. I wish I could communicate better with my parents and that they'll understand me more. But I guess that's just a wish that's too impossible to achieve, for now. If they're actually willing to sit down to listen to me and understand me one day - I wish for miracles to happen. But ironically, I don't quite believe in miracles. Anyways, maybe I'm not even willing and daring enough to have a chat with them. Partially me at fault? Because it takes 2 hands to clap.

And I love my sister the most. Even though I know she doesn't understand anything, but she'll always be there when I needed a hug most and when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

I can't feel very happy these days. I just wish for many things to be over now.

Uncertainties in life

&the pages keep turning.

I somewhat love Fridays :D
Because we only have lessons up to 11.40am and 12.30(For those taking Mother Tongue) Yesterday, we had Lunch-time Concert before Chamber practice from 1.20-2.10pm. Haha not a lot of people came to watch, but I guess it's fine. I screwed up Frolicsome Finale and William Tell Overture :x And my violin was out of tune. Omg :x

Chamber practice was okay luh.
Just that some things happened and it kinda pissed me off so much. Although it was a small issue (Actually not really, it links to discipline in Chamber and we sort of got scolded by our conductor and teacher..), I was really pissed that people are maligning others. And various stuff happened also D:

Chamber ended at about 8.30pm because it got dragged, as usual. Dylan, Jingle and Lim Pin waited for me to go home together. Somehow I wanted to apologise to them so so so much for showing them this pissed face of mine and they have to tolerate with my nonsense D: I just hope I won't be like that next time.

I guess everything was accumulated. Maybe I'm just too stressed up with school life. And I totally lost it in school and broke down into tears at one point in time.

I have to do a lot of things this weekend! Since concert is coming up, I better start doing work early if not I'll have to rush during the weekdays and sleep really late. I'll start emo-ing when I don't get enough sleep and can't cope with school work. Then this cycle continues.

Thank God, you..

&the pages keep turning.

This morning, I woke up feeling that it's a chore to breathe.

I felt that my breathing was so hard that I got tired D:
And my heart felt so heavy. Like some big rock weighing down on me.
I don't know why..

Then.. At school, things were no better also D:
I felt lost for a moment. Because of what Mr Han talked to me about.
I told you and you just said, "Okay"

I guess that's life.

I woke up early this morning to do Physics tutorial. I patiently allow myself to think through those questions. And I'm glad I manage to solve them, which I previously couldn't :D I guess I'm just paranoid over the little time I have. And I'm always rushing through things.

I definitely hate this feeling.

I had Chamber practice after school today. It's a long day since lessons only officially end at 4.40pm D: Cheryl lent me her violin. HER VIOLIN IS GOLDEN-BROWN. IT'S SUPER NICE. I love the colour so much and I fell in love with it!! The practice was quite a fun one :D Not stressful at least ^.^ I love practices like that xD

Anyways, I hate school now D:
I wish I can catch the bullet train.

I wanna cut all the act. But I always wanted to smile and stay positive. If I didn't, I would have ascended to the Heavens(or descended to Hell) already. Smiling and laughing helps. I'm quite sure of that :)

zutto, zutto

&the pages keep turning.

I'm like ROCKINGSTONING now D:
I'm supposed to be doing History.

I just want a time out.

Concert's coming and we're having practices everyday. That's what other performing arts PDP have when their concert is near. I guess I just have to learn to manage my time better :/ I don't feel like doing anything right now. I wish I could miss school tomorrow..

If I ever considered how you felt

&the pages keep turning.

I hate the feeling I'm feeling right now D:
It sucks. I need a straw.

I haven't done any work so far D: It's always the same anyways.
I only start work on Sunday night. Hahaha. Jiayou to me luh!

I talked to Jorene for quite awhile on the phone last night and I felt much better after talking to her :D Just wanted to say some stuffs out. I'm feeling happy now, and yet, when I recalled stuff, the feeling comes back again. The anticipation to the disappointment, then to sadness..?

I guess you can't pick out little stuff about my feelings.
And neither can I pick out little stuff about yours D:

Sometimes I really wonder if I'd cry if something were to happen.
But I guess not.. This cold-blooded heart of mine has functioned too well that it froze and I haven't put my 100% trust in it because I'm afraid. I'm really afraid.

Is there any way I'd feel reassured?

「もしも明日　世界が　なくなったらどうする？」

&the pages keep turning.

Lol. I haven't start doing any work yet.

I woke up pretty late this morning. Well, later than usual at least. Lols, I needa replenish some sleep because I slept at 3.50am the previous previous night. PI Madness! :/ I'm glad that PI's up for submission already. But next worrying thing: GPP -.-

PW never ends.

The past week has been an.. okay week.
We got back our Physics test. Lol, I've got some EPIC marks. 6/32. I must be a disappointment to all the other teachers also :/ Chemistry, History, GP, same same, all CMI. Anyways, I know my Physics sucks, but I didn't do much about it. Screw me.

Thursday, there was Choir concert :D
Maybe it's the Choir blood that runs in me. I was so excited and waited in anticipation for each and every song to be sang! I guess I kinda miss choir a teeny weeny bit :D Haha and Emmeline's cheeks are so red that she don't have to put make up! xD

I'm excited for Chamber concert now!
I must jiayou and be able to play the songs by then! :D

Continuing in this manner..

&the pages keep turning.

Yesterday, we had a PW meeting at Jasper's house in the afternoon!
Sigh, I start to dislike PW D: Too many requirements and details needed D:
I think my PI's gonna get rejected soon due to lack of evidence luh D:

Anyways, we had Macs for lunch! LOLS. I've been eating a lot of fast food for the past 3 days. Now when I walk past Macs, I feel like vomitting -.- I think I won't be
eat fast food for some time.

I was at TM last night for a movie, so I went to talk to Ah Ting a bit. Hahaha she was asking me to dine there. LOL. No money. And I just waved to Vivian, Sharon jie and Danny(so dao D:). Lol the rest were too busy to be bothered with me :x Haha actually it's been a long time since I last talked to them. I feel kinda bad for not visiting them anymore :x

Yesterday was also the first time I walked home from TM.
LOLS. 30+minutes walk! Wow :D

I gotta start doing homework already >.< Ja ne

♥

leaving secrets untold

&the pages keep turning.

Yay, it's finally the weekends again :D And it's gonna be a long one cuz of Labour Day. But I guess, it really will be a labour day -.- Labouring the mountains of homework.

Spare me.

I did a To-Do list for this weekend. 7 assignments. How awesome.

This whole week has been full of paranoia for me.
I'm glad it has gone by.

I fell sick yesterday, cough, flu and sore throat. Probably because I stayed up till quite late for the past week and I ate chips late at night while making myself stay awake to do work. Hope I'll get well soon. Sleeping late sure has it repercussions.

There was a Megahouse function yesterday at school! Stephanie sings really well! Got style at least! :D She looked pretty on stage. Hahaha. Anyways, Dylan, Han Ren, Ming Xuan, Wen Xiu had dinner at KFC while I was just there to accompany them. Lol but I ate fries -.- I'm gonna get more sick. Then, I was too tired last night that when I reached home, ate dinner, bathed, pop-ed in a Panadol and immediately went to sleep. Sinful -.- Eat and soon after, sleep. Lols.

On Thursday, some of my Chamber mates and me went Esplanade to watch Yoyoma concert! LOL. First half was somewhat ... maybe cuz I couldn't appreciate such music, unfortunately D: But 2nd half was awesome :D And encore was coooool ^.^ Yoyoma plays the cello damn well luh! I watched his videos online before but I didn't expect to watch him perform! :D Haha we all took Circle Line home and they were so excited about it! Hahahaha xD

Anyways, I'm heartbroken D: My darling lappie screen cracked D:

I went to Jingle's blog earlier on, and I saw this meaningful thing.

Apologising;-

Does not always mean you are wrong
and the other person is right.

It just means that you value your relationship
more than your ego.

Tuesday: Thanks for it
Wednesday: Can't bear to leave.
Thursday: Can't miss you anymore.
Friday: Reliving the feelings.

&the pages keep turning.