Haha my 3rd post for today :x

Sometimes in front of the guy I like, I don't wanna talk about other guys.
But sometimes I'm forced to and it's damn damn damn damn damn damn weird :/
But whatever. Just randomly saying.

Today, I had a great day. Quite. With Jerrie and Joshua.
Lol except somebody's mood, unstable and unpredictable ._. There were times when it was awkward to talk :/ which sucked a lot. But well, the other times were still great.

Had lunchie at Sushi Tei and lol. Ordered a lot and became super full -_- And for the first time I drank sake. Actually quite nice leh. But my face turned red real fast :/ And then Jerrie came and we talk talk talk. Headed to Manpuku and talk talk talk more. LOL!!

Jerrie had to leave earlier for church and then we had dinner at The Soup Restaurant. Lol, filled with many families and for a moment I felt really old sitting at a table in between all the families there ._. Or we're like two little kids sitting in the middle of older people.

After that, while Joshua was buying some game, I pop-ed into Ajisen. And guess what! Neilson has become manager. Omg! Hahaha I was shaking his hand a lot to congratulate him. It's really damn cool!! After not seeing him for almost a year, he's a manager already ._. Nice. Last time quite a lot of funny things happened when he was still a normal floor staff. Really fun having him around. Haha. And he asked me to come back to Ajisen to help them out. Lol and he says maybe can help me get higher pay. Sigh, but no thanks. I should try some new job and not be in F&B anymore.. :/


I wonder if there'll be a day like this in the near future? Hmmmm.

&the pages keep turning.

&the pages keep turning.

Yesterday was uber awesome.
Well, going out with friends has always been awesome la.

Cass, Zuhair, Joshua, Ye Shen and I train hopped and met before going to Pingy's office there to have lunch together :) And Lim Pin, as usual, came late. HAHA. We had lunch at The Soup Spoon and then we had BK ice-cream. They were all Pingy's treat. It made us feel really bad because we were only joking about the treat yesterday.. :/ Hahaha but well, she wants us to treat her to USS next time. LOL! Quite demanding. HAHAHA.

We walked to Esplanade rooftop there and after that moved to some food court in MBS (I think?) to sit and drink and talk. Haha our class really enjoys sitting down to talk ._. For dinner also the same thing, eat and talk for super long till about 9.30+pm. LOL.
My brain was a bit drained out. Probably lack of sleep and I got little stamina recently cuz I'm tired of many things. I zoned out after awhile. Haha because the issues we were talking about were really complex. Sometimes I feel like I don't seem to know anything at all even though many people talk to me about things. But yes, I shouldn't be meddling into people's affairs too much. I'm too much of a busybody.

Maybe my new year resolution should have been to stop being a busybody.

After reaching home it was kinda crappy. Toilet locked and then something ... happened on msn and wherever. Glad everything was resolved but it felt really bad. Because I hated to see people quarrelling. As Jerrie said, "I think friendship without quarrels are either superficial or.. idk something missing"

I will never forget those cold wars we had. And now that we have learnt from it, I thank God for letting me keep this friendship. And our friendship became the best, and strongest. And my only friends-forever friend. I remember how much I always feel that I don't treasure her enough and that she treasures me way more than how much I treasured her.. And I always felt bad about it.

Hmm, how about my other friends? I think I don't quarrel much with people. My friendship with all my friends have.. something missing? Or are just superficial? Hahahaha. Whatever.

I'm waiting for someone who could see right through me.
I'm waiting for someone who could tell me all the negative traits I have.

I'm still feeling tired today. I woke up at 6 plus again because of the cold probably. Maybe I should wear pyjamas with long sleeves and long pants today.

My dad was on the way to the airport just now to go back to Indo. And he forgot his handphone and eye drops. Haha. I was surprised. Because my dad was always almost perfect about not forgetting things that needs to be brought back. And he called home to ask me to bring it to him. I took my own sweet time and when I reached, he gave me money for breakfast and said thank you to me before he left :) I like his expression then. Haha.

I feel a bit sick recently. Sometimes feel like vomiting after food and that really happened yesterday morning -_- Like wtf? But I'll probably be fine in a few days time. And I'll tell myself I can eat etc. It's a psychological thing. I know. I'll fight that devil.

Now I'm listening to Through the Kaleidoscope which was a piano piece introduced to me by Lim Pin last night. Damn nice and I'm growing obsessed with it. Haha.

I need some emo songs now. To make me so emo so that I can just go kill myself at Bedok Reservoir or something. Just kidding. Maybe I want to listen to.. More inspirational songs like Kelly Clarkson's Stronger and Mr Know It All. Or Avril Lavigne? Haha. If you have any recommendations (whoever I'm talking to, if not the wall) please tell me :D

When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you.

&the pages keep turning.

Today morning, I woke up pretty early due to the cold also probably.
I'm still sleepy weepy now :x

My dad reprimanded me for coming home late recently. And the reasons he gave made me think through a lot.. And I was thankful that he was concerned. He said that now we're at this age when we are still immature and unstable and we can be led astray easily. All I could do was nod in agreement. I am immature and unstable now. And I am also thankful that my dad mentioned it to remind me again.

I feel like I've been wanting too much entertainment and amusement for myself. And I gave Charmain that as the reason for doing it. And then she told me that deep down, it might actually mean much much much much more. While on the outside, I'm just giving excuses to try to brush things off asap. I don't know. I don't know why I purposely want to put myself in such situations.

The situation I am in now is totally like a korean drama I've been watching since As to post A level period: Glory of the Family. Hahaha what a drama. Even the characters are so similar. LOL. How can it be so much of a coincidence? But I guess reality ain't that sweet at the end.

Yesterday we all visited Mr Ang's house. Haha. I think it's cool that almost all are present la! Super successful. We lou hey-ed and celebrated Emm, Pingy, Joshua and TY's birthday! And played werewolf also la. Fun! Hahaha, but I always get killed when I guess correctly who the werewolf is ._. *Scratches the table* Yesterday was also the first time I get to be wolf. Haha I'm still an amateur, so I got killed pretty early. HAHA.  It must have been written all over my face that I was the werewolf according to Pingy.

And it was very funny how Ye Shen came late, he sat down and just when our eyes met, he was like 'Hi!" super enthusiastically. Hahaha. I've made more friends. LOL ._.

I think I start to get a bit worried about my appetite. It's been more than a week.
Drinking soup is not too bad, but I can't stand the sight of other food.. Oh, it's my chance to lose weight!! HAHAHA maybe I shouldn't get my appetite back! :P

But I think it's a psychological thing la. Maybe I can keep telling myself "I can eat I can eat I don't feel sick at all I love this food" more often, maybe I'll get better. I always believe a lot of things are just the devil in our head trying to play tricks on us. Maybe I should try this.

"I don't want it, I cannot want it, I must not cry, I cannot cry"

Hahaha, since it's a psychological thing, it'll probably work out some day ^^

I feel very bad ruining friendships. But I feel like escaping.
I'm frustrated with myself now.

Question 18: Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

Answer: Definitely many things and not just one thing. But some are in progress already :) I am a human, who sometimes think that I have a stone heart or something and that I'll kick off that devil. That day will come.

&the pages keep turning.

Good morning everybody!

I was up super early just now because the room cold and I was shivering. And the same for yesterday. LOL. I can't sleep in hot conditions and I can't sleep in cold conditions ._.

I'm still mentally tired but I can't go to sleep anymore.
Now that I have taken a bath and washed my hair, I'm even more awake now.
Oh wait actually not really. Lol. Still tired.

Anyways, I think I should stop talking and asking this person so many stuff. I kinda find myself annoying now. If this continues, I think I'll get disgusted with myself -_- Like some desperate person needing friends to talk to.

I don't need anyone real.

Just kidding.

Hope today will be another good day! ^^

I desperately need to get past these few days. I might might might not be able to take it. Haha. Might. Is it a Leo thing? Wanting me to be the priority but I know it's not possible and it will never be possible. I'm just a normal friend without anyone putting me as Number 1, well maybe except for Jorene :D HAHAHA. Or at least I know I'm 2nd or 3rd in her heart :D Yayness.

Oh yea, the day of the trip's nearing and I haven't book my air ticket. My mum hasn't contacted me about her flight time. Okay, so now, I am supposed to be the one taking initiative to ask right? That's right ... Argh. What am I doing. Tsk.

Lol my mum just called me. And she hasn't booked the tickets. Hahaha. And she says she will call me when she has. So I don't need to take the initiative now? Hahahaha. And, my mum talked to me about CNY and she asked me why I cried.. Haha I couldn't answer her. I just couldn't. Haha and I tried to brush it off by just saying "It's nothing" and "Ya" at whatever she tried to explain to me about one shouldn't be crying on chu yi because it should be a happy occasion and yet I cried and it's kinda.. Bad luck? Something like that.

Yep, I'll make sure it'll be a better year for our family relations.
Can I blame it on a Leo thing again? Hahahaha.

Also, it's been a long time since I last went to church since I've been in Indo for a month plus. I feel bad when Ahyi mentioned it just now about me not going. And today there's class outing. Should I go should I not go? Actually I'd rather come late, walk myself to Mr Ang's house and get lost on the way. Haha. Awesome. Maybe I could find a bucket to fill it up with my tears.

I need some logical thought processes now. Haha.

Question 13: Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Answer: If he/she is my loved one, he/she wouldn't even make me break a law and go against my beliefs and principles. But anyways, I think I wouldn't.. I'm not that daring and noble.

&the pages keep turning.

Haha I had a great day today :)
Went to Jorene's house and then out with Charmain and Vanessa to NEX.

Great friends, great company.

Lol and I got 'lectured' by Jorene ._. I know I knew the answer, but I just wanted to escape from it, until she mentioned it. That's when I realise I have to start thinking.

Then I got scolded for thinking for the other party too much and that I should think about myself more. And she left me with a quote, 'Love is a battlefield.'

One should protect herself/himself.

I'll think about it.

That was interesting. Lol I have never thought about protecting myself and whatnot. Because protecting the interest of someone else's is like protecting mine. Okay whatever. I'm just getting more and more confused.

I don't regret doing it,
but did I just screw myself up quite badly? :/

&the pages keep turning.

Lol I feel like a pregnant woman these days.
When I see food, I feel sick. Wtf?

I totally forgot what I want to blog about today -_- STM. Can somebody tell me what to eat to ensure my brain is gonna develop properly? No monkey/pig's brain please.. Things just keep slipping off my mind.

Okay now I just remembered. I felt like yesterday I was the one who was getting many surprises more than this person whom I was supposed to surprise ._.

Not so much of awkwardness, but I'm damn shy now.

I'm gonna start answering the "50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind". Probably one a day. Till I completed this dayzero :)

Question 6: If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Answer: Have a date with this person. Just kidding. A counsultant or psychologist/counselor or social worker who can listen to people, help them, encourage them, give them advices, AND THEY TAKE THESE ADVICES. The sense of fulfillment must be great :)

&the pages keep turning.

Today. Lol
Horrible start, awesome day, 'interesting' night. That summarised today. Haha.

I shall write the rest in my diary or something.

And guess what, I completed 3 dayzero project in a day. Well, one of them was unexpected actually.. But I love my reaction in that 3 seconds. Lol

Seriously, an omg moment like this.

And, I don't know how I can continue to smile so much, smile to myself, when I'm feeling so ... inside -_-

Anyways, it was still a good day. I'm thankful for all the moments and opportunities I had :)

I'd be lying..

&the pages keep turning.

Honestly, I'm damn nervous now. Omg.
Heart beating super fast. Omg. Omg.

&the pages keep turning.

Today's a lonely nice day :)

I went to RWS with my parents in a cab late morning. They went to the casino and I was left alone after that. Haha it was super crowded just now!! And omg. Queue to buy tickets for USS was damn long :x Hope on the day we go, it won't be that long :x

Then after walking around, I went to Vivo City instead. There's so many things to look at and shop! The first store I entered was the National Geographic store. Totally an uber awesome visual experience.

I realise, Tangs is a good place to shop for stuff :) At first I thought it's a high class place and everything is expensive and I usually don't really want to go in. But just now, I realise they have some nice and affordable items :) I spent quite a lot there today. Hahaha buying gifts for many people. Now I'm ready to give out presents!! ^^

As I walked around, I saw those things I love a lot. I love charm bracelets and quote books!! But buying charms can be quite expensive :/ Like a super small charm cost at least $2.90. Lol. But those that I saw were the cute and colourful ones. I want something more emo like doves, key, cage etc. HAHAHA. Hope I'll see them around one day :P

Quote books are the best. I was so tempted to get it from Precious Thoughts for a friend but I realised I already bought her one last year.. So I shouldn't get her the same kind of present again..

What to buy this year leh?

And while I was shopping, my aunt called me and told me she bought a guitar for me. I was exhilirated. Omg. Because at first, we actually booked 6th Feb for us to go and buy a guitar together. But omg, she saw a good guitar on sale today and bought it for me. And she says it's a present for me. Omg. Omg. Super happy..!

Around 4plus, I left Vivo to go back to RWS to meet my parents after they're done with Casino. Lol. We headed to the airport by cabbie and then my mum checked in, we had Macs for dinner, my mum passed through the departure gates while my dad and I were talking about LIFE. Lol and his lecture about his work starts all over again. Hahahahaha.

We headed home after that and we parted ways at Tampines since I had to go NTUC to buy stuffs. Lol what a day.. Walked quite a lot. Hahaha.

Oh something that made me a little sad today though.. My aunt called me to pick the guitar up from her house, supposedly after 9pm today. She asked me to tell my dad to bring me to her house by car (Since she loaned my dad her car for these few days) because she said the guitar plus the guitar stand is bulky and it'll be difficult to take the bus. It was hard to tell my aunt that my dad will definitely reject it..

But in my heart, I was a little hopeful that my dad would send me there. Hahaha. But I guess reality ain't that sweet afterall. LOL. My dad complained that he's not my driver etc. And that if I want to hire him, do I want to pay him 6k every month? HAHA.

Yep. I always hoped that my parents would fetch me to and from somewhere.. Last time, in sec school, my aunt also loaned my dad her car and there was once when I had heavy things to carry and I wanted to ask my dad to send me to school. Lol but I don't dare to ask in the end.. I forwent that opportunity. So no more chances lor. Even when I was studying in Indo, those that send me to school and back home, were the workers in my mum's shop and never my parents.

I guess it's just my wishful thinking lor.

But well, sometimes my wishes in life are those little little things that are supposedly easy to fulfil. But somehow they are never fulfilled. Whatever! Haha. I should be more materialistic and not think about all the simple things that will never be fulfilled. Hahaha. I should learn to be more materialistic and be happy about the gains. Lol. Someone please teach me how?

Oh and something's weird today also. I keep feeling nervous. I don't know about what!! But my heart feels heavy and all that :x And like my heart beat's racing with the speed of molecules. Omgz.

Me ish a happy loner :)

&the pages keep turning.

Omg. The year gets ruined this early.

No learning how to drive.
No staying at the hostel.

For driving, I'm not that sad.. Cuz what my mum said made sense. It's not like we're gonna get a car, what for I learn so early. That made sense. But I still wanted to learn asap in case it gets busier and harder to learn next time. But it's okay la.

However, I'm really desperate about staying at the hostel for Uni. This is like my only chance to get out of this damned house as early as possible. But it's like a dream now. My parents were super against it because of monetary reasons.

I think I'm not sensible enough.

Not sensible enough to think about what my parents had to go through before they earn this much. Not sensible enough to understand their feelings. Not sensible enough because I only think about myself.

But I wish I can be selfish this once.

They're too much of the over-realistic people when they told me about their monetary reasons. I don't make many requests to my parents in my whole life, but I wish they would have taken what I request for my studies more seriously. When I look at my cousins, who can go for exchange programmes overseas, I get really envious. My parents would never allow it, BECAUSE OF MONETARY REASONS.

Sometimes I don't know why they have so much money, which my parents consider to be little. So maybe we really have very little. I don't know. Just that I'm selfish and not sensible at all.

I feel bratty now.
WHY LIKE THAT.
I needa grow up.

Yesterday, we went to a lot of people's house for visiting :) LOL more ang baos! And we met people whom I haven't for ages. And they forget me also la. Lol cuz I probably look very different now compared to when I was much younger. Then back to my uncle's house where everyone gathers for tea + dinner, we gambled. HAHA I lost again!! :x What a luck :x By 7plus, I had no money already, so I went to watch Poker King which was on TV with my another uncle while the rest continued to play till 10 ._.

I'm such a loser so fast. HAHAHA.

Shan't say too many unlucky stuff. LOL wish me more love + health + luck for the rest of the year.

Oh something weird was, I actually bai nian to my parents in the morning. Then I said like those usual things to my mum and I ended up tearing. LOLOLOL. I don't even know why!! :x :x Then my mum was like "妈妈有疼你，你为什么哭?" In hokkien to me and she gave me a little hug while I lie on her chest to cry. LOL. But when she said that I should cry even more right? LOL! Cuz I should have been very doubtful about my mum "疼-ing" me in the first place. HAHAHAHA.

Whatever. Wish me a good year ahead -_-
I think I might be at my limit soon already.

&the pages keep turning.

HELLO. I'M BACK IN SINGAPORE. WOOHOO! :D

I enjoyed our reunion dinner today at one of my uncle's place! But the gambling part was ... HAHAHA I kept losing. Isn't it gonna be a better year for rooster this year? What happened?!! Haha! Oh, or maybe today's chu xi only, so it's not the dragon year yet. LOL ._. Shall pray for better luck tomorrow.

WISH THAT EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY!

Anyways, this morning, we had to wake up early to go to the aiport. I was awakened by the alarm at like 3.50+am -_- Sleepy weepy now. But I'm waiting for 12midnight before I go to bed. I couldn't even sleep a wink in the taxi during that 2 hours ride from our home to the airport cuz the driver was driving pretty fast, and I was jerking up and down left and right (lol) plus I was sitting in the middle (since there was another aunt and uncle going to Singapore with us also) and I couldn't really lean on anything except my mum which I wouldn't. Lol.

The taxi that we took was a cool one. It's a freaking normal 8 seater car! LOL not like those where there's the "taxi" sign on the top of the car. HAHA. The only difference from a normal car is that, the driver is some random guy. Lol ._.

At the airport, my mum had some VIP thing from the bank and we get to stay at the lounge before departure. Got free food. HAHAHA. But it's my first time. And my mum sure has lots of privileges everywhere ._.

Yesterday was a meaningful day for me. We were very busy at home. My mum had some of her workers plus my childhood cousin to come and help out at home. Wrapping fruits + ti kue with stickers, tying ribbons to all the plants in the house and garden, and we removed some of the paint stains due to the painters' unprofessional way of painting :/ It was difficult scrubbing the floors..!!

Then in the evening, my mum summoned all her workers to our home. Which is like 20-30 people. This part was the meaningful one. Everyone had a sack of 10kg rice. For the chinese, they get double their pay as their "angbao" + oranges and longan cans for CNY. Damn awesome. It felt so good seeing my mum giving them away.. And my mum does this every year. Like omg. Since it's my first time staying in Indo so long, so it's my first time witnessing such "event" also. My mum's cool :D

And I heard some of them saying that it's really nice working at my mum's place :) Of course not just because she gives things away during occasions like this la. HAHAHA but they were saying she's just a good employer lor! :D I felt doubtful at first but was super happy after hearing that :D

For dinner, my mum, uncle, childhood cousin and me had a sumptuous dinner. LOL. Sambal stingray, some fried fish (it was damnnnn good omg), fried crab, fried beans sprouts. Before the food came, we were just talking and my childhood cousin and I discussed about our Genting trip in Feb. We are excited ttm!! ^^

Nearby the small eating place, was another of my uncle's house and my mum wanted to call my other cousins to eat with us. So my childhood cousin walked with me to their house. LOL quite gentlemanly leh. HAHAHAH! But I bet he was just bored while waiting for the food xD At first I thought a bit awkward la cuz we really very long never talk to each other leh even though we used to be such good childhood friends. But it turns out it's only me feeling that way. HAHAHA. *facepalm* I shouldn't be creating awkward moments ._.

Anyways it's my last dinner in Indo before I go back to Singapore. Hahahha. After that, we went over to my childhood cousin's house to pick his mum up and headed back to our house. Both of them stayed at our house. Hehe. Back to those childhood days :) Miss them a lot.

Anyway, I'm still glad I'm back in Singapore la! ^^

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!! :D Now that I finish blogging, it's past 12 already. And this is my 1001th blog post. Another completed dayzero things-to-do :)

o.O What a lengthy post with many different characters. Happy reading. Lol ._.

I'm feeling a big high now. Even though I'm sleepy. Lol.

&the pages keep turning.

Thinking about how I can make it worthwhile.
I wish I was that special someone.
Turns out I'm just a nobody.

2 more days! ^^
Excited to see my relatives for CNY, friends and boots (lol)

In the morning, I helped my mum with the rolling of tang yuan. Lol. Roll until a bit sian already..! :x And I kept yawning. Slept kind late last night and I don't know why, usually even with 8-10 hours of sleep, I'll still wake up feeling like I never sleep well at all.

Do I need to dream?!
Someone told me that only when you dream then you're in deep sleep.
Omg. Is it true? Since I don't dream, I won't ever get into deep sleep? :(

Please give me some dreams? Please please..?

Thinking a lot of rubbish these 2 days again.
How it's difficult for 2 people to communicate because of a clash of thinking.

Then it made me realise that there's a lot of people out there, who may be able to sympathise, but they have little ability to empathise. I wonder which type I am? Can I do both?

And what makes a good listener? One who can sympathise and empathise?
Or you don't need any to be a good listener?

I can't really talk well or share things with people who can't empathise :(
Our hearts just don't click at all. I'm sad how the two of us can't.
No wonder we're just like that. .............. Like this.

Then I'd wonder. Would I rather hear the truth that hurts,
or just know nothing at all? I don't know..

I'd always hoped for better - fast car.

&the pages keep turning.

Can't believe I'm going back in 3 days time.
Time flies!! I have spent 1 month plus in my hometown. Lol I think.. It's my first time spending such a long time here? Haha. Anyway, I can't believe I survived today without the Internet till evening when somebody came to pass me my top up-ed Internet device. Hahaha. Helped out a bit in the house cuz I was really too sian already.

But I'm glad I survived. Lol. Internet's pretty expensive here.. :/

I just came home from dinner and shopping with my aunt.
Yay, bought pyjamas :D Very cute design. Lolol!!

&the pages keep turning.

I've been reading up on this thing about "jugding" people.
Because people say that it's not good to judge people, but isn't that what we do everyday? When we see a certain person do something, we'll be thinking in our heads "What? Why? For what? etc"

This was a bit confusing when I first read it. But still interesting to know.

When someone says that we shouldn't judge people, what they often mean is that we don't have the right to say someone is right or wrong. I would answer this with three lines of reasoning: 1. You are judging us when you say that. 2. Truth by nature is exclusive 3. I'm not judging you, God is.

1. Judging people means that you pass a value judgment on what others think or do or say, of which judgment implies making a decision whether something is right or wrong. Thus, when someone say that we should not judge others, they are in fact passing a value judgment (that judging people is wrong) and thus anyone who does so (judging other) is doing something that is wrong. Thus, those people who say that we shouldn't judge other are in fact doing exactly what they say they shouldn't do; judging that people who they perceive as judging others are wrong. Thus, this sentence is self-defeating. In fact, because this is so, those people who say that we shouldn't judge others are in fact hypocrites, because they practice the thing they condemned in others.

2. In that article and the main article on relativism, I have demolished the claims of relativism, thus establishing the fact that there are absolute truths. Therefore, if what I say is true, you can't say that I am judging people.

And I happen to stumble upon this quizzie. Lol.

"How Do You Judge People?"

You Judge People Based on Evidence
You know better than to judge a book by its cover, and you don't make snap judgements about people either. You look at the facts, and you try to make educated choices. You never mind admitting that you're wrong. It's hard for you to trust people that you've just met. You always need to get to know people. You never go with your gut, but you may be surprised. Your intuition is probably more dead on than you realize.

"Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment."

I should think twice. Or even thrice.

&the pages keep turning.

Haha now I understand what “no diff what!! 1 person only :D” really means.

Because I don’t matter also. Hahaha.

Anyways, it’s because today is TODAY, D-Day, I talked to a friend which I didn’t think I would.. So it was good la :)

&the pages keep turning.

When can I enjoy a nice breakfast?

&the pages keep turning.

&the pages keep turning.

Just got home from dinner + visiting of 2 of my relatives' houses.

Then awhile ago, I walked past the behind area and saw my mum talking to Wawak. I don't know when this started, but Wawak seems to be our middleman now. My mum and I don't communicate our ideas to each other, but through this middleperson.

Oh my gosh.

I know family relationships are more than just children obeying their parents, but why has it turn out like that? The little-talking that has been accumulating over the years since I went to Singapore till today, it can't be solved overnight, can it? I don't like this at all :(

Please donate some courage to me..
And please donate to my mum too.
Or maybe my mum doesn't need it. It's just me. Probably it's just me.

Oh gosh. I find this saddening. The middleman part is :(

&the pages keep turning.

When I keep seeing the picture of Puss in one of my earlier post,
IT MAKES ME WANNA WATCH PUSS IN BOOTS!! Argh.

Puss is damn cute. Lol.

Randomness overload. Haha.

Another boring day. What kind of Sunday is this?!

I spent the morning watching City Hunter. And WTF -_- The VCD that I bought a few weeks ago right, the last episode doesn't have English subs. And I can't understand Indo subs at all -_- Felt so pek cek cuz it was THE exciting part!! Lol I just finished downloading the last episode from epdrama while ago though. Yay. Gonna finish it up tonight :)

Then just before lunch, I was changing Tumblr theme. Hehe, I've found a sweet and simple one. I'm satisfied with it although my previous one was even nicer (I think). I get bored very quickly if they are not skins that I design myself. Lolol.

I love green skies, aren't they beautiful? I'll continue living in my warped perceptions of everything. Visit me once in awhile when you have the time for me. And a wise man once said, "When there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire." Tell me, how do I do it?

I wrote that for my profile. LOL. It doesn't sound like my style right? But I still like it ;)

I was looking at my picture folders just awhile ago, and now that I think back, it was this picture (below) that made me like green skies. It was a background that I found while searching for a suitable background for my previous phone. Nice eh? The creator was very creative, since the colour of the sky was probably editted and the picture was inverted to make it look like the umbrella is floating.


But I always wonder if green skies exist.
Haha I always liked editting pictures with blue skies to make it green.

Saying "I'm used to it" hurts sometimes

&the pages keep turning.

Today's post is just bits and pieces of random stuff. Hahaha.

Another boring day today.
Actually I had plans to ride the bike to my uncle's house and asking my cousin to supervise me in the evening. But.. My aunt wanted us to go shopping for CNY clothes. So plan cancelled. And I was a bit paiseh to trouble my cousin just to supervise me for bike riding :/

I've bought my 2nd pair of clothes. Now left with shoes :)

It's 14th Jan already. Time flies. 8 more days :x
Suddenly I think, I'll miss Indo quite a bit. Not having to worry about anything, damn relaxed. Haha. Almost like a princess at home ._. Oops.

Random info 1:
I so xin tong for my lappie :( I sent it for repair the other time right, I think they didn't handly lappie with care and the letters on my keyboard, one of them got scratched and the volume button is not working properly :(

Random info 2:
Oh and I just realised, there's only these few reasons why I'd go out with a guy.
#1. It's my good friend or more.
#2. I was asked out.
#3. I'm interested in the person.

o.O Omg lol.

Random thought. Because somebody asked me why I didn't ask this certain person (whom I seem to be able to communicate well with) out :/



Random info 3:
I was reading up on vocaloids and watching one of the introduction videos recently.
Omg what's all the craze about in Japan? Hmm.. Didn't quite like it much :/

Anyways, hope tomorrow will be a more exciting day? Lol.
It's Sunday!


Fluttering heart

&the pages keep turning.

Today's a kinda boring day :/ As usual. Haha.
Just talked to people on msn and watched City Hunter. I'm a quarter into Episode 16! Gonna finish soon :) Probably can finish it up tomorrow afternoon or the day after!

I saw this line on Tumblr:
The more you hide your feelings, the more it shows. The more you deny your feelings, the more it grows.

I think it's somewhat true. Haha.

Feel like sighing so so so much.
I have been trying to find opportunities for myself. But seems like they just don't ring my door bell :( I have the urge to say whatever I want to say. But, no opportunities = keep my mouth shut, keep it to myself.

And I'll go back to "it's a Leo thing" Haha.

Suddenly, I feel that I might feel sad if I keep it all inside :(

Let nature take its course?

Oh yesterday I slept with my mum! And I probably will till I go back to Singapore. I think the good thing's that I don't feel scared at night anymore. In my own room, the darkness scares me and I often cover the blanket over my face and plug in when I sleep.. Lol I'm like a baby man. But in my mum's room, there's lights from the toilet and my mum's beside me. I feel so much at ease.

I needa grow up. Lol.

Heh, but I can't sleep too late like 2 or 3am anymore. HAHA! But it's okay. I think my body hasn't been in top condition recently. Headaches and all the dizzyness. And low in iron and pressure. Why am I anaemic when I'm not having my period? Lol. I need spinach like nao.
Give me some dreams,

&the pages keep turning.

Just had my I/C done with my mum just awhile ago! :)
I really liked it when my mum would smile at me or laugh. Haha.
Needa wait for a week before the card will be ready for collection.

And yay after that to Singapore :D 10 more days~!

Doesn't the music player above look pretty? ^^

&the pages keep turning.

Haha I like how the day started.
Although my mum scolded me indirectly.

My stomach felt queasy this morning and I stayed in the toilet for a super long time. Apparently my mum was waiting for me to ask me about breakfast but I was in the toilet for too long and she got angry. She told Wawak to tell me "It's not that I want to be angry, but why can't she talk to me? It's like she's a guest at our house but I am her mother!" (Since I seldom ask things like "What are we having for breakfast today?) She left the house already when I came out from the toilet..

LOL somehow I felt happy. Don't know why. Even though my mum was supposedly scolding me. Lol! And then Wawak told me that starting from tomorrow I should ask my mum about breakfast and I just smiled and nodded my head. HAHA. I must be crazy. Feeling happy when I just got scolded.

I remembered I always had "Be closer to my family" for new year resolutions. But I've never fulfilled it. I'm lacking initiative here. Yep, starting from now, I shall try my best! Next time, I really want to call home once a week to talk to my mum about my work etc. I think it'll be interesting :D That's if she's not busy and wants to hear me out la!

Anyways, if that opportunity rings my doorbell, I'll do it. Definitely :)
I won't run away this time.

&the pages keep turning.

Lol my mind is in total mess now.
I've told a friend about the "plan" I had in mind and this friend asked me to do it so that I wouldn't have any regrets. Like I'll have any regrets even if I don't do it? :/ I spent a lot of time trying to think how how how how how how I am going to do it. I've created that opportunity. But I'm not sure if I want to do it or not. Huge confusion now.


I stayed overnight at my aunt's place last night to join her friends for swimming super early in the morning today! The swimming pool at Siantar is very different from Singapore's. The water gets changed everyday (I think) and they don't use Chlorine. Haha. No chlorine is a good thing. Our hair and skin don't get so destroyed after swimming. Lol.

But I'm so sleepy weepy now for waking up early. About 4.30+am *yawns*
I'll probably sleep earlier tonight. Can't tahan I think. Hahaha.

Yesterday, we had a karaoke session. Lol I only sang one song cuz that was the only song I knew since my aunt only had chinese oldies. Plus my voice sucks. So shouldn't sing. LOL. Then my little cousins and me went to play the piano instead for awhile. One of my cousin held my hand while going down the stairs. She's really adorable la, but a bit naughty. Lol. Kids. Omg. Her hands were super warm!! After coming out from the air conditioned karaoke room, I was having icy fingers just like now so I remembered how warm it was!! Omggzxzx.

Anyways, today, I've spent most of my time looking around blogshops (which I have been doing for the past 2-3 weeks -_-) and watching City Hunter. Haha City Hunter is an awesome show. I like the story. Although Lee Min Ho's acting is so-so. LOL. Oh the female protagonist is so pretty! Hahaha.

Haha I actually felt hurt by every single mention.
But I don't know why I would still do it.

Okay random.

I'll smile and laugh it through.

&the pages keep turning.

I woke up feeling okay :)

&the pages keep turning.

Lol I seriously need more sleep.
Sleeping late is one thing. But not sleeping well is another. 
I've been having bad headaches the past few days, but well it doesn't change my mood cuz I'm generally happy now ^^ I'd rather keep talking to my friends than sleep. Lol. But I haven't been sleeping well. I get mosquito raids every night. Instead of sleeping, I'm slapping myself throughout the night. Probably running a slight fever cuz of my headache and mosquitos are generally attracted to warmer body temeperatures. Tyvm man -_-

PLEASE GIVE ME SOME PEACE DURING SLEEP T.T

I don't have any plans these few days..
No badminton, no bike, no anything. I'm just using my lappie all day long trying to find someone to talk to. Desperate loner now. LOL. PLEASE TALK TO ME IF YOU CAN? Pretty pretty please?


Oh but yesterday night was an uber awesome one. I talked to a friend who has totally made my day. She's got a boyfriend! LOL! I felt really really happy for her because the guy probably isn't too bad since her standard is quite high -_- Plus everything was so unexpected cuz she's a bit apathetic towards relationships and emotions. Haha. But well, just felt happy! ^^

Reflect reflect reflect. I would think that I created all these nonsense because I'm not expressive enough. I'm not decisive enough. I'm not firm enough with whatever I want. Wawak told me yesterday that if I want something from my mum, I just have to be firm with it provided I tell her when she's in an okay or good mood. Haha. Because I realise, the only thing I'm doing is I'm complaining about how she actually doesn't care, and yet, I don't ask anything from my mum. If I don't request, how would she know what I want and how can she show her care for me?

Is it a Leo thing again? LOL.

Sometimes I wonder if studying in Singapore without parents is a good thing or not. I've got friends who stay away from their parents but they call each other every night or something. Lol. Why don't I do that too?

Most people who knows my mum, their perception is: Hard to approach. 90% of her mind is filled with work + money. Family is left with the 10%. And my sentiments too. My perception of my mum is definitely not warped cuz she's just like that. Tell me, how do I deal with this? Actually I couldn't care less. Cuz lol, so used to such things already. But since this somebody talked to me about my perception, so yep, I guess I should think about it once in awhile.

Sometimes I find myself dumb. Asking myself so many questions but I've got no answer to them. Or I just.. Yea, couldn't care less to think about them.

Lol I wish someone would write in my askbox in Tumblr anonymously. @candylanes.

Oh wait, actually I know. I needa change myself. Anyways, everything kinda quieten down already and I just hope when I get back to Singapore, they won't surface againz :) I shouldn't be complaining so much! Actions speak louder than words. Time to do something about it?

&the pages keep turning.

Omg I really liked this line I saw just now.

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best out of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

Anyways, today's just another boring day for me. Lol my mum told me about the Genting trip yesterday. I was hesitating. I've got 2 choices.

#1 Go with my mum, my cousin and his girlfriend. I really wanted to go because I've never been overseas with my mum before (other than Singapore -_-). But I hesitated because of my cousin and his girlfriend. It's only the 4 of us. And my mum surely goes to the casino and leave us to go have fun. I don't want to be a lightbulb!!

#2 Go with friends.

I can only choose one, cuz the dates to go are so close. I can't possible make 2 trips in a week right.

But now, no more hesitation!
My cousin a.k.a my childhood friend says he'll be available on those few days!
Now I just need to get approval from my mum cuz his mum totally allows it. Uber awesome :) Just hope it won't be awkward since I'm not so close to him anymore..!

Furthermore, the trip with friends will be pushed backwards :) So yea! Maybe I can go 2 times with 2 different groups of people. Makes me excited!! ^^

And earlier on, Jorene posted a picture of me in boots which she took when we were at H&M a couple of weeks ago. I love boots! And I'm really excited about the boots that she's giving me. Haha it's my super belated birthday present but lolol. We always give each other super belated presents. I feel bad myself too. And surprisingly, it isn't too hard to match boots with clothes that we wear. Awesome ^^

I've been listening to 陪着我的时候想着她 a lot. It's playing on repeat. Haha super obsessed with it now. Yesterday was "A Thousand Years" and today is this Chinese song. What's for tomorrow? Lol.

I must be thinking too much. Haha.

Temptation.

&the pages keep turning.

Sigh. It's time to buy CNY clothes.
I'd be happy usually. But buying clothes from here.. Not really.
#1 I think I need some approval from my mum for the clothes I'm going to buy?
#2 I get STRESSED when I'm shopping with my aunt, like I did just now.

The thing I hate about many Indonesian chinese is that they look at clothes that they don't like and go "No no no, that one look like malay clothes" Like WTF ARE MALAY CLOTHES?! Oh yea, kebaya and their traditional costumes are la. But other than those, what the heck are malay clothes? I don't understand why there must be this distinction. When I look at clothes, as long as it looks nice, it's fine right? Why must there be "malay" clothes -_- I especially hate it when people say that. I've heard it so many times. Annoyed now :/

Lol forget about it.

Hmm, anyways, usually I like shopping alone :) So.. Shopping with my aunt wasn't too pleasant for me, plus I felt the slight rushing when we were choosing clothes just now :( It's CNY, so I wanna wear something more.. Unique? Or maybe special? And not normal styles like top and jeans/shorts etc. Hope I'll find something nice soon :)

Yesterday night, I went over to my cousins' place to play badminton with them. Fun :) But lolol, I suck. My younger cousins were quite good at it..! And I teamed up with my older cousin and we lost confirm cuz of me -_- Lol. After that, we watched dramas together and had dinner. In total, they have 5 siblings! So the atmosphere at their place is much livelier! :) Hope I get to play with them more! :)

Don't lose your smile

&the pages keep turning.

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

&the pages keep turning.

Lol, it has been full of surprises the last 2 days.

&the pages keep turning.

I'M UBER HAPPY NOW!

&the pages keep turning.

Morning was a good one. I woke up feeling fine.

&the pages keep turning.

Seriously.. Why must I be the middle-person who gets squeezed in between every shit.
I wish I could just quickly get married, stay at my husband's place and live in peace.
But who will want to marry me? -_- And how many more years will that take?!

Or squeeze me to death la. Just let me die. Easier.
Just kidding. LOL.

But too many burdens, and here I am, trying to find myself and my future is still blurry, a midst all those stupid rubbish.

I swear, if I have kids, I'm never gonna let them feel the way I feel now.

Thanks for all the memories. I'll never forget how my life has been.

But sometimes,
when people say, "My parents don't understand me",
have you ever wondered.. "Have I understood my parents enough?"

Just a random thought.

Anyways, I've got my passport done. But I'm still not sure when I'm going back.
I don't 100% feel like going back. Maybe 90%. In Indo, there's my mum. In Singapore, got a bigger problem, Ahyi. WTF? But still, I miss all my friends and I wanna find a job, so that 90% makes up for it.

&the pages keep turning.

Do I like you? Do I not like you?
Either I'm always confused or I just want to hide my feelings and not express them at all.
Is it a Leo thing? Haha.

I don't need easy, I just need possible.

&the pages keep turning.

Today is one of those days when I wake up feeling ...
I didn't feel like talking at all. But now I'm okay already. HAHAHAHA.


I guess, I was just thinking through a lot about what my mum said etc.
Made me kinda miss my old self.
But I always hear this phrase about "Your past makes it who you are today" etc. I don't have some tragic past or anything. But I have changed a lot. I'm not sure if it's for the better or worse though. It's just growing up probably.

If I could change all those...
"No la, I'm not good at it" to "I'll be better next time"
"No la, I know I suck" to "I'll do it well next time"
"No la, I'm still a noob" to "I'll improve next time"
"No la, I cannot do it" to "I'll try it next time"

Or I should say "F LA, JUST ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM" LOL.
But the thing is, I can't accept how I am now.

I should go on some journey, to find myself. Lol.

Breakfast with my mum was a quiet one as usual, but as I ate my breakfast, my mum smiled at me and asked "Nice or not" Hahaha, you wouldn't know how happy I was. And of course, the food was nice :)

But I can get really frustrated with myself sometimes when I'm happy this easily, yet people dash my hopes this easily at the same time. That's life again? Haha no pain no gain? LOL.

Spend the past 2 hours or so watching MVs on Channel V on TV.
Chinese songs really have good lyrics but most of them are kinda sad :( Most of them are about relationships and heart breaks etc. But there were some MVs which were really good. Haha. Oh there were English songs played also. And there was one video which was particularly good. The song wasn't the type of songs that I'd listen to but the storyline was (Y) I can't remember the name of the song but the story had something got to do with people getting hurt, not walking the so-called "correct" path and in the end, time turned back for them and these people changed and the MV ended off with smiles.

Wait till I remember the name of the song!!

陪着我的时候想着她

&the pages keep turning.

Hmmmm at how I get really insecure when friends say they are not interested in what I'm saying.
But I guess, that's just life. I'll get over them soon.

&the pages keep turning.

Sigh, the morning started with my mum's scolding again. Useless wimp and that's me.
Yea, and she told me that even my aunt is calling me useless for not telling her etc. (Since my mum just came back from Singapore, she probably had a chat with her there)

Lol my mum is pretty funny. She told me to threaten Ahyi into telling her, Dad or aunt if she hits my sis again. She really ask me to do it, but seriously, I don't know if I can.

Ahyi's like 50+ years old. She's an elderly. I don't want to and I cannot be rude.
Or maybe that's my excuse for being a useless wimp.
Whatever. But seriously la.

I remembered being rude a couple of times to Ahyi because she annoys me way too much sometimes and I just couldn't hold it in. Oh my gosh, my facade of being nice gets destroyed by her way too easily. But I felt really bad shouting at her. Being rude to an elderly is like.. Back to how I was in primary school. But maybe, just maybe, I liked my old self more. I wasn't a wimp.

Then Kakak and Wakak heard my mum scolding me and they talked to me after that. Kakak just said "You have a good heart la" I like hearing praises :)

Hmm, about praises, people always say I'm nice. Funny huh.
But being nice is one of my greatest weakness.
Because I let people step over me, people don't take me seriously, people know me superficially.

Today, continued with camwhoring with balloonie againz. LOL! Outdoors this time. Hahaha. And in the evening, Kakak and we went out to the fields and buy bread. On our way home, Kakak let me drive :D AND OMG. IT WAS QUITE A SCARY EXPERIENCE FOR ME!

Since I'm usually so scared when there's a lot of people around me when I'm riding the bicycle, it's the same for bike also. Omg. I was super nervous just now :( How am I gonna learn driving in Singapore if I have to drive on those big and crowded roads?! OMG. But glad I made it home safely. However, my control was really bad I thought :(

Don't make me lose them

&the pages keep turning.

The past 2 days have been awesome. Or maybe, the best new year I ever have! ^^
It's my first new year (ever since I started schooling in Singapore) in my hometown. And it was a blast! I didn't go anywhere, but just played at home at the rooftop from 12 midnight to 1plus with Kakak. Yea, it was a blast. Watching fireworks, playing with sparklers and camwhoring with balloonie :)

Lemme start off with New Year's eve!
In the morning, Kakak and me ate the ice-cream we made the day before and during lunch time, we cooked lunch - spaghetti and spinach soup. Video's up, if you're interested. Lol!

Then, teehee, went to my cousin's (my childhood friend and playmate remember?) place to ride the bike cuz his complex is more spacious, so it's easy for me to drive there. And fun ttm! I managed to let Kakak sit behind me while I drive. She video-ed the whole complex as we made rounds there. Video's up on FB again, if you're interested ^^ I want to learn to couple bike (as in bicycle) also! I'm not strong enough to have somebody sitting at the back seat :(

And it's the first time Kakak saw my cousin. And she went crazy for awhile. Because he's really handsome or maybe pretty-faced now. HAHAHAHAHA. Then we met Ko Acai there and he was threatening me that he'll tell my mum. HAHA, but I know la, obviously he won't. Lol! We're all so afraid of my mum. Haha.

We went home after a few rounds around the complex and home trip was of course, Kakak at the front and me at the back la. I still don't dare to drive on the big roads here. Lol in my town, there's like little traffic rules -_- and people drive as though it's their grandfather's road. I'm damn scared if anything happens since I'm still a noob. Lol, I don't know how I'm gonna learn driving in Singapore if I'm still scared about big roads. Hope it won't be so bad in Singapore since the roads are more regulated. I filmed the trip home and video's up on FB too! Named "This is my town :D" The skies were beautiful :)

At night, I had dinner with my aunt, uncle and cousin! LOL crab for dinner. It's been a long time since I last ate crab and I forgot how to eat it already and had to get my aunt and cousin to teach me -_- Noob. Dinner was delicious as usual :D

After that, Kakak and me went to buy sparklers from the supermarket and I bought balloonie from a little boy selling them in the streets. I wanted to give balloonie to my cousin since his birthday just passed and I didn't give him anything.. Unfortunately, he went back to Medan already. He's at Tebing cuz it's his short holiday, so came to see his mum and friends la. Sad. Medan's too far from our house :( I probably won't see him again..


Anyways, it was really crowded! Haha qi fen is really different! :D The roads were congested -_- Luckily we chose to walk. In Singapore, I usually just stay at home and watch the countdown on TV. Lol.

Then, 12 midnight. Muahaha time to have fun! We climbed up the rails up to the rooftop and we started playing with sparklers. Haha and everywhere was the "bom bom bom" sound from all the fireworks people fire. One of the sad thing was there was no stars to be seen last night, so I couldn't fulfil the wish of stargazing while sitting on the rooftop. Then we started camwhoring with balloonie :D Love balloonie. Haha!

One of the things you can't do Singapore is to buy fireworks and firing it anywhere you like :)
I played it before once when I was about 4-5 years old at my nanny's house. Haha this is the kind of childhood we should be having and not just playing computer games! Lol! Yesterday we didn't buy fireworks cuz don't want la. Later too loud then my dad wake up ._. Scared also. HAHAHA.

It ended off with me uploading pictures on FB :)

And today, nothing much. Just camwhoring with balloonie again. HAHA and I did jumpshots!! It was really hard to take jumpshots with my phone cuz my phone takes some time to focus. But yay, succeeded anyways in the end! ^^ It's my second time doing a proper jump shot because I usually don't want to do it when my friends ask me to. I think my legs are damn fat :( So I don't want to do it la.


But it was really fun :D I'm glad I tried it. Hahahaha.

My mum reached home from the airport pretty early, while I was taking a nap. So Kakak and me actually want to go out and walk around but end up, cancelled plans cuz my mum's back. HAHA.

I just had dinner with my parents at the dining table. And yea, I wanted to cancel this post and do it tomorrow and post something emo instead. But I changed my mind, because it's the new year and I should be more optimistic and blog about happy things :)

I'm glad I did it.

Now for the less happy things. I got scolded for being a useless wimp. And yes, that's who I am. A useless wimp. Cuz Ahyi hits my sister when she's naughty and my parents scolded me for not telling them about it. I don't know man. Although my sister is not a normal kid since she has learning disabilities and yes, we should sympathise and empathise with her, I feel that she should still have discipline like a normal kid.

She can be really naughty at times and you know what my mum said "She doesn't seem naughty to me" LIKE DUH. Cuz everybody's scared of you. Even naughty people will become damn guai in front of you. Like wtf seriously. She doesn't even know my sister and me and she says this? She doesn't even see us growing up. Like what does she know about us?

Okay, I know I probably shouldn't get upset about this, cuz she's my mum.

But oh my gosh. I don't know. I can't help but feel really upset during dinner.

But I have to agree when she said "No matter how naughty she is, nobody should hit her" Yep, I really feel like my sis shouldn't be hit but I don't dare to tell anyone about it cuz I'm scared of ahyi too. Yea, I'm sucha wimp. Wimp. Wimp. Wimp.

Even in friendships and relationships (may it be family or boyfriend or whoever), I don't dare to express myself. I don't dare to make the first move. I don't dare to move out of my comfort zone.

I'm such a wimp.

And it's no wonder I get misunderstood by people easily.

I don't know.

Yep, it's New Years Day and I shouldn't be complaining.
I shall end it off here..

Who will accept that part of me?

&the pages keep turning.