disclaimer.
Navigations above the posts
Enjoy your stay here,
&hope something would inspire you.
Keep everything that's here just between you and me okay ;)
Friday 27 September 2013
@14:04
Lol I finally get what Wen Yi meant when she said sometimes we need a change of environment when we have stayed in a place for too long. Even a bus/mrt ride away from here can make a difference.
I kinda wanna leave CAPT. This place makes me a little sick. Maybe it's the UTown food, maybe it's the lack of unity on the level, maybe it's how quiet our lounges are now these days, maybe it's the environment.
I guess this is my first time that I feel like going home.
I wanna stay at home, emo about my screwed up IEM Annotated Bib, without having to face anyone or any human at all. Well at home my aunt, nanny and sis won't really bother. Or just emo at home about random things in life and escape from people.
I feel restless in this place.
&the pages keep turning.
Thursday 26 September 2013
@18:29
Barney: Our wedding is gonna be legendary.NOW I FEEL LIKE WATCHING HIMYM!!
Robin: No wait for it?
Barney: I've got you, I don't have to wait for it anymore
- HIMYM
BARNEY STINSON!! :')
&the pages keep turning.
Wednesday 25 September 2013
@09:09
I read this article before about having a "Weird Zone" in dating.
I think for me, I'm currently in the "Weird Zone" in a relationship.
I think I need to manage the "I" and "You" components in a relationship better. We all have our own lives, our own friends, our own hobbies. Maybe I'm just being clingy.
Meow.
&the pages keep turning.
Tuesday 24 September 2013
@22:39
Sometimes I am not sure if I should tell.
Sometimes I want someone to sympathise.
Sometimes I can't find the right words to describe.
Sometimes I want someone to sympathise.
Someone to tell me, "I experienced the same."
If I could live life again, I want to change that.
Even though that probably shaped me to who I am today. But I would still like a change.
I would still like a change.
&the pages keep turning.
Thursday 19 September 2013
@20:04
I like this week (even though there's a mid term paper which just ended :p), in general. Kind of a chillax week because I have no meetings at all :) I'm not involved in any SF stuff at the moment and there were no Hak meetings.
The only thing is that quite a fair bit of time was taken up for fundraising and at the same time there was a mid term paper to study for :( Fundraising can be quite a chore :/ But yep, for the project's sake, it's important!
Anyway, Tuesday was a special day. Haha.
I did something funny and PNY laughed non-stop for quite awhile.
I assume he liked it. LOL. So yay.
And then I received Mr Ballonie! LOL Apparently I'm Spongebob and he's Patrick. Therefore the significance is to reinforce that he's taller than me. Like... ORH, OK. Hahahaha.
&the pages keep turning.
Sunday 15 September 2013
@19:27
Read at your own discretion. It's just me being whiny.
I want to be angry at anything in the world without feeling guilt, or having the need to put myself in other's shoes. I wish I didn't have to empathise with anyone.
OR IF YOU WOULD JUST - PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES.
So, just this time, let me be irrational.
I want to complain. I want to be whiny. This time.
I hate myself and my life for ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS being reliant on my parents for money. I wish I could be self-sufficient. I wish I could pay for my own school fees, pay for my own hostel fees, pay for my own expenses because they don't even try to be supportive. What's the point of being parents who are not supportive of their kids? Or they don't even try to justify why they're not supportive and merely shout and force their decision on you.
WHY.
I'm so afraid that if I were to have children in the future, I would inherit bad parenting from them.
Oh my gosh. I'd rather kill myself than have my children go through the same kind of emotional torture.
These thoughts haven't be recurring recently because I've been on pretty good terms with my mum, until today. Had a little tiff with my mum this morning. I know I was in the wrong to have issues with anger management. But really, is there a need to threaten? It's like my education in Singapore is at stake every single time. I'm so sick and tired of this shit.
So the nanny told me that it's quite seldom that my mum comes to Singapore and hence I SHOULD GIVE IN TO ANYTHING SHE SAYS. If it's reasonable, why not. Why if it's unreasonable, must I?!
I HATE PLEASING PEOPLE. I hate to do things to make people like me.
If I want to do good things for others, it's because I want to be happy, I feel happy when I see others happy, but not because I want to make someone like me. I DON'T SEE WHY I NEED TO MAKE MY PARENTS LIKE ME.
This morning, I got really annoyed with my mum, and then she scolded me for being rude. I reflected upon it as we were cabbing to the airport and yes, I felt like I shouldn't have talked to her with my black face. But then again, I'm really unhappy that she had to use education to threaten me. I feel so conflicted about my feelings. I feel bad to talk to my mum like that and that I should just overlook her threats, but at the same time, I feel upset that she's always threatening me. I don't know...
I just thought like I wish a psychologist could diagnose me with some mental problem. Then my parents would know how I feel about them when they're talking to the psychologist about my illness and perhaps the psychologist could help me resolve my mental conflicts through therapies.
Or maybe, to solve all these, I just need to be self-sufficient.
WHEN CAN I BE?
&the pages keep turning.
