Today is one those of those days where I felt myself progressing and then regressing.

I guess I'm usually strong in front of my friends. As I speak about matters, I speak of them in the as-a-matter-of-fact manner and with little sadness. That's when I felt I have progressed and thought I have moved on.

And then I looked at Instagram when I was on my way home, thinking about my progression and how I wouldn't feel much even if I were to archive the posts away, a sudden sharp sadness struck me in the heart and I couldn't. No tears but I felt that sharp ouch as I looked at the images and as I thought about archiving them. Guess that's me regressing. I looked at the book you gave me, saw your note inside the book and another sharp ouch hit me (this time with less intensity).

I'm gonna face these emotions head on. I won't react with self blame or anything. I will sit through with these emotions. I will be patient with myself. I will be better.

&the pages keep turning.

Listening to the song that you introduced to me.

Guess it's not easy to be single. It's harder than I expected.

I suddenly have this hell lot of freedom which made me 不懂该做什么才好. I honestly had a lot of freedom to do what I want when I was in a relationship but now I have even more? I don't know what to do with this new found freedom. Like I don't know who to hang out with even though I have quite a number of close friends but I don't wanna trouble them with my shit and yea.

I really just want to hang out with friends as per normal. I don't need people to empathise/sympathise with me because I just broke off from a long term relationship. But I'm not sure if my friends are feeling burdened and thinking that "oh Vivi is sad, I need to listen to her 诉苦 and make her feel better" - Honestly no, I sincerely just wanna hang out and have fun with people. Lol like go out and play and do something together...

Not that I wanna avoid the topic about my relationship. I'm also not in denial and it's not like I will break down like mad if I talk about it. I'm very open to share about our relationship because I am proud of it. Even though the ending was not the nicest but I'm sure we did it best for us at this point in time.

I have a day off from work tomorrow :) What shall I do rightttttt... Hmm.

And yes, it seems that I like to blog when I'm sad :)

&the pages keep turning.