I think I'm pushing myself too much too soon.
Maybe I'm not ready for all the committee stuff + CCA + volunteer work + extra classes. And at the same time, having to juggle with my studies, almost doing 6 mods this sem because of Stats T.T. I'm not even juggling well. CAP should be the most important for me right now because I did so badly last semester, so it's time to give up something. Lemme think..

I really appreciate the free time that I have now.
Unfortunately, I haven't been using this free time well. I need to have many many hours of free time, like 5-6 hours that kind, before I can actually feel motivated to do some work. But at this time, I can only find about 1-2 hours of free time, which I don't find myself having any motivation to do any serious school work.

Something I need to learn.
Learn to motivate myself. Hahahaha. How?

Glad that I have many many hours today because it's my free day! Yippee! ^^

&the pages keep turning.

I've been rather busy with SF stuff.
Dry run, recruitment, recruitment from Thursday night to Saturday respectively. I feel really happy that the workshop that Winnie and I facilitated was a success. And I really wanna give myself a pat for the job well done. It's been 2 days since the recruitment, kinda lost that "really happy" feeling, but I am still generally happy that it went super well! :)

Seniors were very encouraging and they were full of praises for the both of us.





I'm glad that I didn't quit.

I think it made me realise how impatient I am. Always wanting results without trying hard. Ever since I talked to Ying Ting and going through the training camp, I came out of it with a different perspective about my goals and my personal development. I should be thankful that there are people out there who'd encourage and guide me along.

I also realise how much I discount myself. And a lot of times, it comes from taking in what others say about me like "No, you're not suited for this", "You can't do it.", "It's not your thing." etc. I need to be firm. If I think I can do it, I can. I shouldn't be affected by the discouraging words people say. I need to get a grip of myself..

Anyway, I feel relieved that it's over for now and I don't need to facilitate anymore for awhile. And I feel relieved that I didn't let the seniors down :)

After the recruitment workshop on Saturday, we all went Vivo to shop for props etc. Haha I found this new group of close-knitted friends and I'm thankful for having such encouraging bunch of lovely people.

Cheers~!

&the pages keep turning.

I think I'm a little over my sian period. Maybe my sickness made me have lower energy but I can safely say that that's over for now. Not really thinking about anything now but... just worried for my friends.

Yesterday was a day of break-ups and heartaches. There were 2 cases of break-ups on my floor last night. I  went to one of my floormate's room with a couple of the others, seeing him dance, drink, go crazy, probably in hope to forget those sorrows but deep down, he must be hurting. Then the other floormate sat there while she drank, teared and became listless.

After awhile, we moved to the lounge and both of them started sleeping. And she cried through her sleep while the other just slept normally. In the middle of her sleep, she woke up, burst into tears and my other floormates came to comfort and hug her. And she was feeling nauseated and wanted to vomit, probably from all the crying and alcohol. So headed to the toilet where she just sat there crying and vomiting.

I FELT SO F***INGLY HELPLESS.

Then Joshua's dog was gone. And I didn't even know how to comfort.

My heart was aching so much as I watched my friends cry and seeing them so so so down.

What's with these days?

I still feel that ache and helplessness now. Please tell me how I can help..

Anyway, I spent the morning-afternoon doing Emm's present and card. And I'm satisfied!



Then met Jerrie for lunch at Sakae at Edusports. The food really not bad. I haven't met this girl for a long time! I haven't seen her since Reading Week.. It means that I haven't seen her for... 2 months. Omg. So we just chatted a bit and discussed about our plan later! Just hope Emm doesn't read my blog. Haha I guess she wouldn't have time too since she's busy celebrating her birthday with her family and friends anyway.

Oh yes, last night was the first time I actually initiated a run. I told Wen Yi last sem that we must be determined to keep fit. So I said that we should go running about twice a week. And yup, yesterday was our first session. It was relaxing running with her. Pace was okay, we had some short conversations along the way, watch the stars in the night (many stars at UTown at night!) and run! We didn't run long distances because we're people who don't quite like running. Then we sat down at an empty space outdoors at B1 after that and talked for about an hour. Haha always have to many random things we can talk about, from like our own family things to religion to current affairs etc. Pretty cool :)


Anyway, my timetable is confirmed. Suddenly I thought, it's really not too bad. I didn't have to be so depressed about not getting the tutorial slot that I wanted.. I have friends with me afterall :)

Gonna be a busy night tonight. Filled with meetings. Gan batte.

&the pages keep turning.

&the pages keep turning.

Looking at the kind of conversation that I'm having now with this friend, I realise he is a sad man. And then, I realise that I used to be that sad man. How he parallels my thoughts and feel insecure, that used to be me. Now, I can only empathise with him. All his thoughts had been one-sided, just like how it was for me. Grabbing hold of someone who didn't even think he was integral part of that person's life. He can feel that a best friend or good friend just left him, but that friend had never thought of him in the same way and hence has no emotion or recollection of any drifting that happened. But he thought, they drifted.

&the pages keep turning.

It's 2.03AM.

At least my initial thoughts turned into something more concretely doable.

I hate how I have so much self-awareness.

I hate it.

I wish I didn't know some of the emotions I am feeling. I wish that I don't know what I feel deep down. But unfortunately, I have too much of self-awareness which causes me to hurt myself sometimes. Mentally.

Today's just those days when I feel weary, feel down, feel like I didn't have mood for anything and I just drown in my own thoughts and emo on my own. Today's one of those days.

I wish I didn't have that much self-awareness.

I get greedy and want things that don't belong to me. I get greedy and continue with the way things are. I get greedy by being contented (the paradox). Somehow, I get too comfortable when I am not in that emo mood and just be contented. That's my greed. I need to stop being contented and want less.

When it comes to a day like this, everything starts crashing down on me. I have mental conversations like this:

Head: You are not letting go at all.
Heart: No, I can feel myself progressing. (*lies*)
Head: You know you are going to get hurt.
Heart: But.. I like how things are now. I don't mind.

... I don't mind. Saying that is like an ego boost. Not for myself, certainly.

Then I realise, the resolution is something that I always knew, the resolution is something that I always tell other people to do. It goes:

Action seems to follow a feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.

This is the answer. Please give me the determination and courage to face my inner fears.

At 2.13am. Goodnight.

256.

&the pages keep turning.

The first week of school has passed rather quickly.
Last Friday, Wen Yi and I only had one lecture at 4-6pm. Before that, we were kinda bored to death so we decided to cook lunch for Joel. Haha soba and fried eggs! A simple lunch ^^ Quite enjoyable when you're cooking for someone else actually.

Attending Social Work lecture touched my heart a little, seeing how the lecturer was passionate about this subject. I felt that passion and love as she spoke. It was a good lecture :) I went home and we had a sing song and cut cake session for my sis :)

On Saturday, my sis, ahyi and I went for lunch at Tampines Mall. The roti prata at B1 is really nice. Haha it's a must-try! :D Then rushed off for sign language lesson. Whoa, I took a bus which turned one big round before reaching SADeaf :/ So I was very very very late, like almost 30 mints :/ As usual, lesson was fun and we learnt a few more signs! Hope that one day I will continue pursuing it!

Then went home to get my camp stuff and left for Changi Village ferry terminal for BSFT at Pulau Ubin. I love the sea breeze at night :) I was so touched to see Bodhi and Zihui picking me up at the terminal to our camp site. And when I arrived at where the rest were sitting at, everyone was so welcoming and it felt nice. Haha I was just in time for supper. Guess what we ate!

We had Tangyuan!! :D My favourite. Haha. KC made the dough while the rest of us made little little balls and then boiled them in red sugar water. It was delicious!! While cooking supper, there's this warm and family feeling :) Haha. Then time to sleep. I didn't sleep that well cuz we slept in tents where it was a bit stuffy, the ground was hard, my bag wasn't making a good pillow etc etc. But still woke up the same and continued on with the day. The second day of the camp was a bit towards the boring side. Just some reflection and goal setting stuff. But we get about 30plus minutes to sit by the sea by ourselves, don't think to think about anything and just be with ourselves. I loved that part.

Somehow time always seem to pass really fast when you're solely with yourself.

After camp, I bathed and went shopping with Joshua. Honestly I felt a bit bad for not being able to be my best self. I didn't recover much from my headache and fever probably because of camp and the rain. And sometimes one just wouldn't be bothered to open an umbrella just to walk 5m even if it's raining. I didn't feel too well and the time of the month just had to be at this time of the month, which made things worse.

I wasn't in PMS mood or sad mood, but I just wasn't at my best. Best in terms of smiles and cheerfulness. And I felt bad for that. Because when I go out with people, I would love them to be at their best mood and therefore I will always always always try to be at my highest point to prevent people from feeling insecure about me being bored or uninterested, which is not true. But yea, yesterday was my down day cuz my head felt heavy..

Kay, I must try to keep my mood up!

&the pages keep turning.

Today concludes Welcome Week :) It had been pretty successful!
We SAC people very happy. Hahahha :D

My energy is back up again.
Had a super long breakfast with some of our level people. I'm glad that our international student opened a little more to us and we actually managed to talk a lot. Then the few of us headed to the games room to play foosball, throw darts and some board game. Haha it was pretty fun.

Then went out with Wen Yi to Clementi cuz I needed to get bath towels and bag for my sis's birthday which is tomorrow. Yay found some nice plain towels! I wanted cartoonish ones though, but there wasn't any :( Then we went to IKEA just for fun. Had our lunch there and walked around :) And yup, the day just passed like that.

Came back and helped SAC with the Welcome Dinner stuff. Haha we were mending the song-dedication booth and it was pretty fun. Then had dinner with some of the committee members and friends and we talked a lot of nonsense.

And you know what? They said they were jealous of level 17 :) HAHA because we're so bonded. I felt really good hearing that they were jealous. Hahaha. I am really really really glad to be staying on this floor. And it's really because of them that I enjoy my hostel life this much :)

Hope we stay like this ^^

&the pages keep turning.

The night activities were a bit sian for me today because not many people came down to collect their Welcome Pack. So the few of us who were mending our SAC Welcome Pack booth were bored to death that we started camwhoring people on Ni Yi's laptop, hearing about relationship problems, stalking people on FB etc. Haha. 

&the pages keep turning.

Welcome Fair is about to start in about an hour's time. And here I am emo-ing alone. Not exactly emo-ing, but I must say my energy level is.. a bit low right now. Sigh.

So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.

Why? Why are people like that?
Even I am like that but I force myself not to think too much about it, because others are more important than oneself. However, there are times where I yearn to be listened.

Then again, I think I'm too hung up on my thoughts about what makes a person "good". I think we are very similar in this sense. We have certain criteria in our head and we work towards that self with discipline and rigour. But does that exactly make us who we are?

I guess I just have issues with my own identity.
And you probably have the same problem without realising it.
Indeed.

&the pages keep turning.

It's a new school semester again.
For real, time to buck up.

Yesterday at my sister's Sunday School, we had a mini birthday celebration for her. Hmm, my sis is growing older each year, but it's still quite worrying how she's progressing in her thinking and behavior.. Hmm, I wonder what kind of plans my parents have for her.

At night, I checked in into Angsana :) It's great to be back home! (my second home!) Haha seeing familiar faces, hugging each other and having normal conversations :) There was Welfare Pack Packing soon after and lol, the whole atmosphere was really tense because everyone packed so fast!! A lot of the committee members were there to help out with this packing, so it was like factory style :) HAHAHAH super fun la!

Then I went back to my room to clean the floor and wipe every furniture in the room, unpack my stuff, put up my decorations, do the laundry (because I had my blanket and some other cloths to wash) and was finally done at about 2.15am :) Hehe so happy that my room looks exactly the same as before :)

Ahh, the familiarity once again.

On Saturday, I met our level peeps to have a farewell lunch with Jochem. It's a pity that I couldn't stay long because I had lesson after that. But we just bid farewell with a hug nonetheless.

Sign language class was really fun! Glad that Lim Pin asked me to come along. Haha I can remember A-Z in sign language already! ^^ Then met the class at Tampines GV for Les Misérables after that. Haha both of us wanted to do "Hi boys and girls" to them in sign language but it ended up in failure cuz no one was really paying attention to us when we did it and just ate their own food. Haha.

The movie was okay. I guess I'm just not used to watching a movie that has characters who only converse through singing. But the soundtracks are nice! I still love Samantha Bark's On My Own and the song where every one sang when they were preparing for the revolution. I heard remarks about how it's touching and all that but it wasn't enough to bring me to tears. Haha oh except for the last scene, just a teeny teeny teeny teeny weeny bit of tears welled up in my eyes. Overall pretty enjoyable. I like the storyline.

&the pages keep turning.

Yesterday was a great day.
Haha because I managed to get fanciful plastic bags for my sister's birthday's goodie bags quick enough and that was actually a big part of "stressful task." I was still afraid that I wouldn't be able to enjoy cycling if I didn't manage to get it before I meet our neighbourhood peeps.

It was a supposed to be our neighbourhood event. But the turnout was quite disappointing. Maybe because cycling is not everyone's thing? Or they are just not interested? Or one chooses not to go and the rest choose not to as well? I don't know. But well, I still enjoyed myself with Chings, Jun Yuan, Sarah, Wen Yi and Yi Quan.

It's my first time cycling in Pulau Ubin. The roads were rough, there were many up slopes and it was a real challenge for me. But I enjoy challenges like this. Hahaha. We cycled to various places in Pulau Ubin. Fortunately we had our Ubin boy and girl - Chings and Sarah - who were pretty familiar with Ubin :D We got to the highest point of Ubin and the view was wow! I never knew Singapore had something like that, really. Hahahaha.


Hope to go cycling there again in the future! :D

And yay! I've got all my mods from bidding :) Don't need to participate in Round 3. Heng uh! Just praying hard that I'll get my desired tutorial slots too. Good luck to everyone who's still bidding and for the upcoming  tutorial balloting! ^^

&the pages keep turning.

Lol this morning when I woke up, I wanted to blog so much. And I was thinking about what I should write and I wanted to start of with "I am f***king stressed." HAHA. But I guess it was because I was emotionally unstable early this morning, but yup, now feel a bit better already thanks to someone.

I feel that I am not as busy as my other committee members, but somehow I get this frustrated.

The 2 Day SF camp was a mentally draining one. The Gen 7 peeps, which includes me, had to do some facilitation and there were a lot of talks about goal setting etc. Yes, I was stressed, I was afraid, I was under confident. But through this experience, it made me think more thoroughly about what I really want to achieve. Yup, I need pressure to work.

Although I get stressed because I'm pressurised, I think that's the only way for me to move. It's a dilemma. I feel like crap for being stressed, yet I need to be stressed. I think the best way for me to get out of this is to either manage my stress better or just let time pass because time will tell.

Travelling around makes me stressed too. Because I have to get to so many places in a day. It reminds me of my week before I went to China. Sigh. I kinda wish for this week to be over and for school to start.. I'll be less busy when school starts. At least I know that I won't have to travel around for long periods of time due to the distance. At most travel around campus. Haha.

I have to take it easy.

I think, I have to manage my thoughts a little better than this. During this period, I should stop worrying about Psy or any other random thoughts and just focus on accomplishing tasks that I need to. Probably it's because of these random pressurising thoughts that fuel my frustration.

And.. I need to get those negative thoughts out of my head. State of mind. State of mind.

SMILEEEEE!

&the pages keep turning.

1. Lose yourself in something that moves you. 

To truly flourish in life you have to let go a little, lose yourself in the moment and become fused with other people, experiences, and tasks.

This happens sometimes when you are engrossed in a challenge, or when the artist inside you becomes one with the creative task at hand. It happens sometimes while you’re playing sports, or listening to music, or lost in a good book, or when you feel completely enveloped by another’s love. And it happens most when you emotionally connect with someone who shares your visions.

In other words, long-term happiness isn't just about conscious achievement; it’s also about the unconscious part of your mind naturally intertwining with the ideas, passions, work, people, songs, and stories that move you.

From: http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/01/07/8-ways-to-simplify-the-pursuit-of-happiness/#more-560

Anyway, I went to school yesterday for SF meeting.
Mm, I wanted to quit this cca because I didn't feel passionate for what I was doing, and I didn't believe in EL. But Ying Ting was convincing me to stay because of her other reasons. I don't know. Maybe I'm still lost at what I really want for myself and that's why I couldn't be firm about quitting lest I might lose other bigger opportunities. The thought of "if"s are enough to make me hesitate so much.

Then headed to Angsana just for fun while waiting for Joshua. I always catch my level mates at the wrong time. Every time I'm there, most people don't seem to be around. When I arrived yesterday, Abi and Chings were already preparing to leave for home. After I'm left alone (sadly D:), I decided to pop by Stanley's room to talk to him (since he asked for me. HAHAHAHHA) and we talked for quite awhile until..... we met Joseph! Our new international student on exchange for this Semester! Haha he seems nice and friendly!

Hmm, then I suddenly thought about how the freshmen (including me) will be sending off batches of people. Freshmen get to reside in Angsana for two years, while seniors one year and international students only 1 Semester. So we'll be seeing one batch of seniors and 3 batches of international students leave, right before us. Sigh.. Life. Pretty saddening.

The night was a dramatic one. Too long a story, so I shall just keep it in my heart. Haha.

Kang Ma Roo: You seem to know me so well. *pause* You know me far more than I know about myself. When I was confused about myself and wanted to deny myself... You were like someone inside my head. You know me so well that it gives me chills. Don't you?

Jae Hee: What do you mean by that?

KMR: Actually it wasn't about revenge... I just wanted to see you desperately. I also knew that it was my pathetic obsession with you.

JH: Ma Roo ah!

KMR: Ma Roo, help me (you called for me)! I left my sister whose fever was up to 38 degress Celsius for you. Like Kang Ma Roo who ran to you insanely six years ago...You knew that I'd come to you (today) just like that. No matter what you do. I'd understand and put up with you. And I'd forgive you and get through it. You knew that so well. Didn't you? After all that, I'm still that crazy about you. I'm still a lunatic, someone with brain damage... someone with amnesia and someone without pride.

A scene from Innocent Man

Sometimes, you make me feel this way. It scares me.

&the pages keep turning.

Maybe we're not in love.
We're just in love with the idea of being in love.

Real love is far from the idea of love. Real love isn’t always exciting; it’s actually frequently boring. Unlike these dramatic stories and movies that operate by a series of ups and downs, high highs and low lows, mystery and intensity, unexpected twists and turns, the real thing is actually far from turbulent. Real love, the kind that sustains over time and contributes to ones life in a positive way, is actually really stable. And when you love someone, you don’t expect them to be like heroes or heroines in plays, movies, or novels. You accept them as real people with real personalities. People are not ideas, and if you like someone because they symbolize or represent something to you, you’re in for a disappointment. No one can live up to your ideas, because those ideas aren’t theirs but yours, and as such, when you love your ideas, you aren’t in love with anyone else; you’re actually in love with yourself. You’re in love with a figment of your own imagination.

From: http://blog.zoosk.com/2009/11/13/love-versus-the-idea-of-being-in-love/

I don't doubt my feelings. But still, food for thought.

Many things have been going through my mind - my life, my relationship with people, my studies, my future, my career, my personal development, my other personal thoughts in general. And I am still lost. I wish that answer would come to me some day like how one would receive sudden enlightenment. Haha. Like *ting!*. Yea right. I wish.

I think I'm starting this year with a couple of decisions made.
I can only wish and pray that I stay firm and not waver.

Good to think actually. I know they will be important milestones in my life. So I have to be careful.

The mind can be so powerful. So powerful that it becomes scary. All I have to do is to think that all is meaningless and all those thoughts immediately turn to bitterness and not hopes. And perhaps, one day, I'll get used to them and get rid of every part of you in me.

; Thoughts in the bathroom

Enough of those random thoughts. The past few days were a little chillax and intense at different times.

Wednesday, I met Jac for lunch at Nando's. Chillax lunch with her, where we just talked about all sorts of random things and some updates on each other's life! Had a really a nice time with her :) Welcome to FASS by the way! :D

Thursday was a totally chillax day. I was supposed to have CCA meeting but it was cancelled. I was just rotting at home. Haha I am really good at wasting time. I watched Code:Breaker and I don't know what else on Thursday. Didn't accomplish much but somehow the day just went by like that. So yea.

Friday and Saturday, I was out shopping with Joshua. Omg. Intense. My stamina totally dropped. My thighs were like aching. Hahahaha. Anyway, Joshua is really a shopaholic I can't even...... I'm satisfied with all the clothes that I bought! I'm done shopping for CNY :) Haha the total amount of items I bought in the 2 days is equivalent to the amount that Joshua spent in Topman on a tee and chinos (Y). I feel good to see others spending more money than me anyway. Haha. We went to a tea house at Ion. And omg, after stepping out of that place, I seriously have tea withdrawal symptoms I am not kidding. Omgomg. Okay, can go to asininenitwits.blogspot.com for more updates.

Today, I met a few of my primary school friends, Ahmad, Jac and Pat. Haha I haven't seen Ahmad and Pat in ages! We just chatted randomly. It wasn't too bad. It wasn't awkward. So it was all good :) Then I had to leave early for violin lesson. And then I talked to Komala in the bus ride to Ms Xiao's and back to Tampines. Hahaha we haven't seen each other in a month because we've been having separate lessons with Ms Xiao. So many things to update each other about! It's always interesting to hear her stories. Haha and we'd laugh and get excited about the things we talk about. Such an awesome violin mate and friend! ^^

&the pages keep turning.

Looking at my plans next Saturday, I feel a little sad.

I have 4 things going on on that day, but I can only choose 3. In fact, 2.5 only. Because I have to leave halfway for one of them. And that's what makes me a little sad.

Jochem, our international student on our level, is gonna leave for his home, Netherlands, on that day. And at most, I can only go and have lunch with my level people but I can't send him off at the airport. It's the same for Sam and Pierre. I couldn't send them off because I was overseas :(

What I have chosen to do:

12-2: Lunch with level people.
2-3: Travelling to SADeaf
3-6: Sign Language lesson
6-whatever time: Les Miserables with class?

In a huge dilemma. I have comm stuff at night actually. But I'm thinking of skipping it cuz I kinda wanna see the class and I want to watch the movie. At the same time, I feel bad. Because it's our bonding session with the other committees as well. I don't know.

Why must all plans fall on the same day? :(

&the pages keep turning.

Either figure it out (how to love and be someone's girlfriend) now or get used to living life alone. Love is like a muscle and if you don’t use it, you’re going to forget how to do it. You’re going to forget how to love and then you’re going to be forgotten.

274.

&the pages keep turning.

I am always controlled by someone. My thoughts, my actions. And it becomes an addiction. Sounds ironic, but yes, being controlled can become an addiction because I don't seem to loathe it, so I keep allowing myself to be controlled, but when I think back, it's stupid like why am I allowing this to happen?

And the fault only lies in me.

For having feelings. For allowing anything to happen. For being soft-hearted. For giving in. For being curious. For making you addicted.

For liking it.

For liking all that has happened.

My fault.

You know, there are only 2 people in this world that I cannot hang out too much with. And both are my ___ friends.

One causes me to think back about the past, about everything I disliked while the other makes me yearn for more, so so so much more, that I get greedy, but I know one day, I would just be the one left there alone, breaking down.

But God is always great. He always has many plans for me. And probably, if I keep up with His plans, things will work out. Some day, some time.

&the pages keep turning.

Just went to visit my blogskin account and this is what I saw:


Haha quite happy that there are people who download my skins :D I didn't submit all the skins that I designed. I wonder if there'll be more downloads if I did. HAHA :D

Hmm, I realised that my taste for blogskins has changed drastically over the years since I first blogged in 2006. I used to like those gothic and emo ones - black background and pink pictures/words. Then all of a sudden, I like simple simple ones - white background and some nice light pictures. Haha. It's amusing to see how much I've changed.

I wanna do up a new blogskin, but I haven't gotten any inspiration yet.
I remembered how I used to change my blogskin picture every month. HAHA. But I really like all the recent blogskins that I have designed :) And I can't bear to change them!

&the pages keep turning.

I just received this "chain" message from my pastor which goes:

When I was a kid, my Mum liked to make food for dinner every now & then & I remember one night in particular when she had made dinner after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my Mum placed a plate of bread jam and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad.

I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my Mum and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my Mum apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said, "Honey, I love burned biscuits." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your mum put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... A burnt biscuit never hurt anyone but harsh words do!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things... And imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each other's differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burnt one will do just fine!

And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life...I just did! Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

... Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don't. ENJOY LIFE NOW-

Something meaningful for the day.

&the pages keep turning.

I WANT A BICYCLE BADLY :(

&the pages keep turning.

Haha my 2nd day of the new year started with a nonsensical conversation on our level 17 whatsapp.

Wen Yi: Omg Vivi yr name on magazine! *shares a picture*

Chings: The Untilmate what??

Keren: Vivi looks a bit different now.

Me: Hahahaha Wen Yi you never see this magazine before meh?!

YY: Woah! My oh my vivi.

Me: So hawt.

Wen Yi: Nvr eh!! looking for magazine to read on plane! Tsk Vivi hahahha. What magazine should I buy ah?

YY: Top gear

Chings: Fhm

Me: LOL!!!!!!!

Chings: Reader digest. Broader perspective hahaha

Keren: Digital photography

Wen Yi: I brought 3 Newsweek alr

Hahahahah. 3 Newsweek not enough for a 4 hours plane ride mehhh?! Wen Yi Wen Yi.

&the pages keep turning.

Happy New Year! :)
Pardon me for the long post. I actually have some more things to write, but I guess I've written long enough so I shall leave that for next time!

I dare say that 2012 is the best year of my life. Up till now at least. I've experienced so much turmoil and so much happiness in this one year and I can't be more thankful than this. The year where I cried the most, and perhaps, smiled the most too. Experiencing the downs in life makes one appreciate the good moments even more. Yes, I can't be more thankful than this for all the great memories and the lessons I learnt on the way.

The year started off with the quarrels I had with my mum over my disrespectfulness (which was not on purpose, but yes, still my fault) towards her, all the putting me down and denying me as a person, the fear of not being able to come back to Singapore at the start of the year. Screwed up A level results. Got rejected by SMU. Quarrels with my parents over money issues for uni courses, hostel and driving lessons. Had to work 2 jobs in  the holidays in case I needed to pay for some fees myself and got really tired. Solemn discussions with my mum about my future plans, whether to stop studying and help my mum in her business or continue to pursue my studies in Singapore. The many quarrels with Joshua over various issues ending up in a friendship crisis and honestly at some point I was on the verge of giving the friendship up. Getting busy with committee stuff causing lots of stress, neglecting studies, doing badly for mid terms, doing badly finals - and I think results is the last bad thing of the year.

Somehow these doesn't seem too bad.

Considering how I think I got closer to my mum a little recently, like ever since she went Alaska, her mood suddenly became so good. Then I got a pretty decent job at the headquarters of a private university, my supervisor treated me well although she can be rather angsty and there were lots of office politics which I was somehow caught in. I got into FASS and Angsana College (one of the best decision of my life). Had a surprise birthday celebration. Made a lot of new friends at work, at camps, in our tutorial lessons, in our hostel and fostered many close friendships, opening up to each other, hanging out together, having lots of fun. Having awesome floormates and neighbour at Angsana. Continuing to stay close with my JC classmates.. Experiencing what it feels like to organise events for the student body. Experiencing what it feels like to be stressed and yet be able to cope and juggle with other commitments as well. Being opened up to the world of clubbing and drinking and always hearing interesting stories about friends' experiences - and knowing that, this is just reality, and everyone has their ways of venting or escaping from their frustrations and we have no right to judge others just based on the kind of activities they engage in. Reconciling with Joshua. Having many firsts like confessing, doing ___ and ___ with ___, going overseas with friend, seeing snow, counting down with class peeps, watching fireworks from mbs...........

The list continues and there's so much to be thankful for.

I have one simple new year resolution and that is to be firm.
Firm with the decisions that I make. Firm with the things that I set out to do. Firm with myself to prevent dilemmas. I need to find back that coldness that I had previously, where I wasn't so soft-hearted, reliant, easily persuaded. I need to be firm and not be a pushover.

Yesterday night, I met up with the class peeps to play at PlayNation at Scape before we headed for MBS to watch the fireworks for the countdown. Haha guess what. We played Monopoly (and only Monopoly) for the whole of our 2hours-stay there. Eh but Monopoly is fun. HAHA :D Just that it's like so.......... to play such a common game there where we had to pay $10 per person.


Present: Jia Hong, Han Ren, Lim Pin, Ming Xuan, Reynold, Zuhair, me.

Anyway, what really disappointed me was that there were only a few of us who could make it. I guess either the others had other plans with other people, their parents didn't allow them to come out late at night or they were just lazy to get their asses out of their house. And.. I was the only girl. Sigh. But nevermind. Fireworks won't be destroyed just because the turnout was disappointing. A few of us climbed up to the roof of MBS and we stood there to watch the fireworks. They were spectecular. The spot where we were standing on was really good! We could see everything!

Then we headed for Simpang Bedok for supper/dinner where we met Joshua and Emm there to sit down and talk nonsense. Yup, stayed till about 6am before I headed home. Haha surprisingly today my dad didn't scold me ._. Okay, I SHOULD STOP TESTING THE SYSTEM.

Anyway, Han Ren thinks that deep deep deep down I still have lingering feelings for this certain person. Lol by mentioning like this, I think it's rather obvious who I'm talking about if you're my JC classmate. I tried to tell him many times how it's not true, at least not romantically. I definitely do not have romantic feelings for this certain person. Not even a teeny weeny bit I am 100% positive of this. But.. perhaps, deep deep deep down, I have this little hope that we could still be friends. 0.01% accounts for this little hope, my id (unconscious thoughts if you didn't know). 99.9% accounts for my my outer ego - I definitely do not think we can ever be friends again.

Maybe, I was offended.

This topic came about because I was interested in what he does in the club. But come on, I'm interested in what people do in clubs in general, and not just for him. I want to go to club to observe people, see two people make out and stuffs like that. I couldn't care less about their reasons for clubbing. I just want entertainment. Remember I mentioned before, by knowing all these things, it feels like the world seemed more real. That there are people out there who escapes from their problems through such means because I am often surrounded by angels who don't drink and club that I might just have forgotten how reality could be so cruel.

Then I went home, slept for about 1+hour before I left the house to meet Bao, Chings and Wen Yi to cycle at ECP. Haha guess what! We cycled 30km just now ._. Zai or not? My whole body aching now sia. Haha. I am really unfit ._. But it was shiok. And the weather was exceptionally good today. It rained in the east for the past few days but today, it didn't rain at all and the sun was scorching hot. Had a bit of sun burn. Haha skin peeling like a snake. We stopped at the Lagoon hawker centre for awhile to have lunch and we ate like Fried Oyster Egg, Satay Bee Hoon, Hokkien Mee, Stingray, Coconut Juice and Sugar Cane! Hahahaha food was quite good. But yep, such a chillax day :)


After that we walked around Parkway Parade, 112 Katong, played the dancing game at the arcade, then walked to Joo Chiat and Siglap area before we headed home seperate ways. It was fun, even though it was just the 4 of us! ^^

Looking forward to a great year ahead :)

&the pages keep turning.