TSUMANAI~ LOL. I'm blogging early in the morning at Charmain's house!
We (Jingle, Wen Xiu and me) had a sleepover at Charmain's house :D FUN!
Then last night, we just talked rubbish and had ht-ht which is uber cool! Like what girls should do :D Oh we also watched this Japanese movie. I gave my first love to you or something along that line. I was surprised to see Mao Inoue acting as the main protagonist!! LOL but we watched the movie from 2plus, so even though the show was supposed to be touching, I was too tired to feel touched :x

Girls sleepover is really fun! :D

And it's pretty cool sleeping together on a bed. Like everybody just squeeze and sleep.
Although I couldn't sleep very well cuz it was a bit warm at some point in time, but it was gooood experience ^^


HAHA RANDOM :D

Anyways, yesterday I was just thinking about how you actually made me like strawberry-flavoured stuff :)

&the pages keep turning.

Lol, cleaning up my area feels quite shiok.
I cleared my email too. The 16K unread messages ALL GONE! Woohoo! I scared when I get my new phone, the 16K mails will make my phone hang -.- So better delete first. Hahahaha. I'm so excited about getting new phone luh! 1 more week D:

Anyway, as I was deleting my emails, I came across some unread mails from this friend. She emailed me almost everyday, long time ago, when I was back in Indonesia. She told me how troubled she felt in those emails, wishing I'd be back. I was so touched when reading those emails because I didn't know I was that important to her previously :) Really happy!

Kay, I neeeeeda go file my worksheets ._.
Ciao.


Nostalgia, paranoia

&the pages keep turning.

I simply love Avril Lavigne ♥

Anyways, yayness all the way because..
IT'S THE END OF THE SCHOOL TERM :D
A.K.A The start of holidays!

Lol, by the wayz, I have a twitter account. HAHAHA. Since I'm getting a new phone soon, and I got quite bored just now, so I started a twitter account. Lol, but I don't really know what I can do with it :x Go to: http://twitter.com/candylanes FOLLOW ME IF YOU SEE THIS! LOL. I wonder who will see this anyways -.-

I feel kinda high today.
I think it's just cuz holidays are here :D

AND FINALLY. I'M GONNA START FILING, PACKING, IRONING etc.
Good luck to me. I've got much to do. HAHA!


自由になった

&the pages keep turning.

Once again, I'm really proud of myself :)
It has always been my dream to get full marks for Napfa. And I finally did it :) I really tried my best for my sit ups (My weakest, when everyone can do sit ups so imba-ly, ironically) Overall, everything improved, except for Shuttle Run ): But it's okay luh, I shouldn't be too greedy.

On Saturday, I also went for VJ Strings concert with Chamber people! LOL it was okay I guess? Hahaha. And I carelessly lost the ticket within minutes from the time I bought the ticket -.- But I think the person recognised that I bought the ticket and she allowed me to go into the theatre still. Thank God, if not it'd be a wasted trip.

Then on Sunday, I was out with Joce, Liv, XF! :D HAHA we went Orchard. Just ate and walked around. Time pass really quickly when we're relaxing or having fun!

Ah, now I'm really sick. I keep wanting to skip school.
Mr Seng also returned us our History SBQ. I'm happy with the marks because it's the first time I ever got so high, but I think I don't deserve them. Cuz I don't think my work was that good after he went through with us today.. I've got to improve more to deserve it all.


It's all up to me.

By the way, this is my 900th post :D

&the pages keep turning.

I'm really proud of myself today :)
For mass PE today, we ran our 2.4km. The thought of it makes me sigh because I hate running. It's like having to fight with our inner self, which sucks load :/ But I'm glad I didn't give up till the end and I improved! :D Every year, my timing's getting better! :D

And the thing that kept me going was those words in my head.

"Don't give up."

All it took was 3 simple words; just a few words of self encouragement.
The believe that we can all make it through.

&the pages keep turning.

I love this song :)
Firework by Katy Perry.
Such an inspirational song.

Hope I'd stay inspired, always.
Because we can all make a difference.

Make a move.

&the pages keep turning.

Finally Physics SPA is over.
It was a bit screwed up today :/ All the paranoia cuz of a wrongly drawn axis for the graph initially. But I'm glad it went all well in the end! Just a bit of mistake somewhere.

Tomorrow's a holiday, it's time to do.............
WORK! LOL repayment for slacking in the weekends.
SIGH. DOUBLE SIGH. TRIPLE SIGH.

Today's also my super high day. I had a rough weekend and now that I'm all cheered up and better already because of some of my beloved friends, so I can't get any happier than this :D Let's stay like this :)


(Not)Worth my everything

&the pages keep turning.

Guitar concert was really good :)
I enjoyed myself and I was looking forward to it a lot since I didn't go for their concert last year. I wish I could listen to it all over again! :D I bought daisies for the guys. Lol all different colour! I like the pink one the most, looked the sweetest out of all. Ohh, and yesterday's Choir concert, I bought Pink and Blue rose for Emm which is supppppeeeeeeeeeer nice also! I wish I could keep them for myself :x

I couldn't stand myself pretending all the time. I'm disgusted. Like what's wrong with me? Can't I be myself infront of you? When I used to be able to.

But I wish I could have shown you a sad face every time I see you. To show you how much I wish time could turn back. And that we can be normal friends again, or even just like the first day we met at school, when we could wave in a friendly and warm manner and say hello from afar. I wish. Now, we'd be trying to look away from each other's gazes and even when we're as close as 2m, there couldn't be any "Hi"s or "Bye"s.

And now I'm thinking that everything is all my fault, from what happened today, my fault that our friendship became like that. Because I'm the one who refuse to open up, showing all those pretense, when my heart just broke into pieces instantly when I grinned back so widely.
Please, how?

&the pages keep turning.

Doing a good deed shouldn't need recognition

Recently, I feel slightly motivated :)
Just slightly!

Then, we got back History SBQ and Charmain got 20 marks! Which is like superrrr good. Super. And she deserves it so much for all the hard work she put in for History. Seeing that, I feel a bit more motivated to think more for History! :D

I deserve all the bad grades that I'm having now.
I'm sucha loser ya.

For Civics on Wednesday, Mr Ang was telling us his life stories through his difficult times and we watched this "inpirational" video. I think I'm not in the toughest time now, compared to last year during this May period, last year was more of a hell. Anyways, that's over, now's now. I need to start believing in myself, telling myself that I can achieve whatever I want to attain.

But I'm not confident right now.
All the "look" confident was nothing more than a facade to try to show how strong I am. But they're just lies. I need to work hard, build confidence, then I'm sure I'll do much much much much better than MCTs.

Yesterday, we went for Choir concert! Haha it was pretty cute of them during the musical :D A bit screw ups here and there but they were so cute luh! xD Then the SYC was like omg. The soloist was soooooooooooooo goooooood! Then met like many Chamber people outside the audi also! :D We're all so supportive of Choir huh :)

On the way to the interchange, Wen Xiu was telling me how she was getting so upset about stuffs. I could roughly guess what she was trying to tell me and ya, I feel sad too. How things can fall apart so easily. I think I'm the one who's trying too hard to keep things together even though I know there was no meaning in doing so. And there was another classmate of mine who actually agreed with me and rather not mix around anymore.

Sad truths. Inevitable. Because the truth always hurts.

&the pages keep turning.

It feels nice when you're able to try your utmost best!

No regrets

&the pages keep turning.

I think this is a good weekend :)
I'm feeling much better already.
Although I've done nothing yet, but I'm starting to feel a tinge of motivation. I've always said to do things for myself and no one else, but it has come to a point where everything becomes meaningless that way.

But if not for myself, then for who?
"Boku ga iru.
Boku ga kimi wo mamotte ageru.
Eien ni..."

&the pages keep turning.

I wanna watch MVs of bands.
I wanna listen to something loud now.

Deafen me, blind me, freeze me.

&the pages keep turning.

Sometimes, I don't feel like sharing anything.

I feel like keeping all to myself but it feels like it could suffocate me.

But doesn't mean I tell it to someone, everything would be okay.

&the pages keep turning.

People bound to make mistakes.
And I too, at some point in time, take for granted the choices which are made for me.

And I, at some point in time, take for granted whatever concern people showed to me.

And I, at some point in time, take for granted whatever I have in life.

This is the time.

I felt so depressed today that tears just welled up in my eyes during class today. I felt like I couldn't hold it any longer. I don't deserve all the good that I have in my life.

Because I'm currently just an unmotivated idiot who takes things for granted.
I'm just an arrogant moron who's complacent and I end up achieving nothing because of such arrogance I have. I'm disappointed with myself. I feel like even the teachers have nothing more to say to me that they don't give me comments on my work anymore. I feel discouraged. Very discouraged.

But in the past, I took their concern for granted and did not work hard.

If I don't want to help myself, who can?

Then, there were people who said they were sad.
It made me even sadder. I kept thinking about certain things and it made me real sad. I wished sometimes my friends could be happy, then I too can be happy for them and it won't make me think so much. Sometimes I know when I talked about certain things, I can appear to be happy, but I guess, after awhile when I'm all alone, the thoughts all come in and there were some things that just make me regret so much. So so so much.

But going out with Chamber mates today made me feel better :) We had lunchie at Pizza Hut and some of us went to watch movie at Century Square. Lol we watched Thor. LOL. So-so movie :/ But it's good that there are times when I don't need to think about too many things :)

Anyways, I was just wondering.
Since when did I stop thinking about my future?
Seems to me that that's happening now. I stopped thinking about my future. Everything is so uncertain to me. I feel like I no longer have any goals in life. Why?

そうさ　悲しみをやさしさに

&the pages keep turning.