I've been too free recently. Haha. Performance is over. Feeling kinda empty with the lack of fulfilling things to do because I'm simply lazy to find a job or do anything other than to rot at home :/ Sigh, that's me.

The end of the performance made me a little sad. Because after forming bonds with people, at the end, we still have to say goodbye because we no longer have the same goal to work towards. I realised that the performance day was probably the last time I was gonna meet the IAF musicians. The performance used to be our common goal. But the end of the performance meant that goal has been fulfilled and I no longer have reasons to meet with them. I was closer to the girls, we htht-ed during our breaks and while I wasn't that close to the guys, I enjoyed their company. Maybe language is one thing. I'm not good with my Bahasa Indonesia and I don't really think I'm interested in making myself speak that language better either since I'm intending to settle down in Singapore anyway. And I guess, I just don't feel much attachment to Indonesia. And hence I don't really hang out with the Indonesians as a group in campus, it feels like we're in different worlds, perhaps because of the language they speak.

But, the performance and the rehearsals prior to the event, made me feel my peers' love for Indonesia. And that feeling is warm and nice :)

Anyway, it's over. I'm really lucky to be part of IAF 2013. Honestly, I'm not really good with playing the violin. Or at least compared to the rest of the violinist, I play the worst there. One studies music and is a violin teacher, another is NTU's concert mistress for their orchestra and the other is an experienced orchestra violin player. I had to practise harder than them but I can never play better than them. Hahahhaha. But I still feel fortunate to be part of such a big event. And it's my first time playing for a musical! Haha we played music in the orchestra pit below the stage. It's cool :D Hope that I'll still get opportunities like this in the future.

And I'm so thankful to Komala, Ni Yi, Lim Pin, Martin, Joshua, Robert and Ming Xuan for coming down to watch the performance and support me! ^^ Feel really touched! At the end of the performance where we all went to the concourse to meet friends and take photos, I met many of my Indonesian friends from NUS and church! Haha and they were surprised to see me perform and one of them tried to recruit me into Nuansa (an NUS student group for the Indonesians where they showcase Indonesia's culture etc through performance etc) to ask me to play the violin for their next musical. Haha.

The whole event was cool :) Great experience for me!

Today, I have a lot of thoughts about friendship. And I feel a little down about it. Even as simple as personally telling me of a piece of news, instead of hearing from others, means a lot to me. And I was wondering, was it because we drifted apart a little and hence I wasn't told personally? Hmm, distance, close proximity, the frequency of meetings really matter after all. And I can only be sorry that perhaps I didn't make enough time to meet this friend. I always felt that we were close. Like really close. I didn't think that distance could weaken the closeness of our friendship. But today, I kinda saw that maybe, distance could. But it's alright, things might just get better :)

Today, I also received a good piece of news. For the past few days, I've been feeling quite nervous whenever I see the email sign at the top left hand corner of my phone (which indicates that there's a new mail). I was waiting for the results of my PL2131 Placement Test. Haha but it turns out that the results are sent to our NUS email. And today I decided to check my NUS email. And omgggggggggggggg, I got through the test and am allowed to major in Psychology!! I never thought that I could pass this test because I don't think I deserved to. I attended some Semester 2 lectured and did some revision over the holidays but it was minimal revision. Only after the performance on 16th, I had insufficiently two days to study and practice and revise and be prepared for the test on the 19th afternoon. A miracle that I passed. Omg. But I'm really happy and thank God that I passed it. Now that I am allowed to major in Psy, I'm still unsure about whether I want to major in it. Hmm, probably after the next semester when I take more Psy modules I'll know. I like social work too and so far, I didn't do well for the Psy modules that I took in the past year :( and I did relatively well for social work.

Sigh, I wish God could tell me what's better for me. I'm in much dilemma.

But yay! Congrats to me. And am proud of mahself ^^

Angsana camp dry run starts tomorrow! Hope it'll be fun :)

&the pages keep turning.

Just this morning as I bathed, I was feeling proud of myself at how good I was at managing my own expectations. Something happened last night which I would have felt sad or disappointed about previously, but now I won't because I think I learnt to trust and understand along to way.

But before I went for rehearsal this morning, I was packing my stuff at the hallway and my dad was about to leave the house, perhaps for breakfast or whatsoever. I stopped him and said, "Dad, I'm performing tomorrow, do you want to come?"

Of course I already expected my dad to be uninterested.

Then he frowned with a what?!-you-stopped-me-in-the-hallway-just-to-ask-me-this expression and said something like "Aigh," which just means no.

For a moment, my heart sank and I felt so much like crying. I thought I was done with feeling disappointed with how unsupportive my parents are. It must have been my dad's expression. If he had said it nicely perhaps I wouldn't really feel much because it has always been the norm anyway.

I should have been used to my dad's expression too, but I guess, maybe I can never get used to it.

Honestly, my parents suck at being parents. And I know, I suck at being their daughter too.

&the pages keep turning.

IAF'13 is gonna be awesome.
(A bit of promo here. Hahahahha)

I'm really really excited for the performance this coming Sunday! :D

I have been busy with rehearsals recently! Boot camp started on Friday and just ended today, although I wasn't there much today. Hahahaha. The real day is nearing and I feel the adrenaline rush from the excitement!! Those who are going, look forward to it man. I repeat, it's gonna be awesome.

I remember the first day/first time I entered the rehearsal room at NTU, I felt so awkward just being there, didn't know anyone (whereas the rest kinda knew each other because most of them are from the same Jazz band from NTU) and I played badly, always got lost during rehearsals because I can't play this can't play that, didn't really dare talk to anyone in the band etc etc. But now, we all got closer, be friendly and silly and make jokes out of each other. Every rehearsal is really fun :)


I'm thankful for this opportunity I had. It was Mega who asked me if I wanted to be part of IAF'13 in February. And I told her that I think I would be busy with school and won't be able to join in. But somehow, she just gave my contact to one of the directors and tada, I'm part of it. Hahaha. During the school semester, I was busy with school work, projects, CCA stuff and at the same time had rehearsals for IAF and I remembered Joshua scolding me for having too many commitments. Haha.

But, the end is sweet :)

Join us and buy tickets :D

&the pages keep turning.