I shall blog about what I did today, tomorrow!
BY THE WAY, I had an uber awesome day today again!! ^^

I have a simple new year resolution this time.
Yep, I totally agree with what Madelyn (a.k.a Jac, for now) had said about not fulfilling many resolutions, so she made only one new year resolution. So me too. I have one new year resolution.

I must stop being whiny.

Yes, I will do it *determined*
I cannot be so childish anymore.
I need to grow up,

I will stop being whiny.

&the pages keep turning.

I had an awesome day also today :)
It's my 3rd post already! Lol!

The horoscope thing was in the morning.

In the afternoon, we made ice-cream! :D Bought the mixture and then we added milo + sugar + milk ourselves for more taste and then blender-ed it and put into the fridge. Hahaha. Should have taken picture of it. I'm trying to take more pictures here! Memory of my stay here! Trying to make everyday worthwhile :)

After that, I learnt how to ride the bike! AWESOME TTM. FINALLLLYYY. Haha, almost everyone knows how to ride the bike here. Or maybe more accurately put, all guys know how to ride this. Usually above 15 or for some even younger than that, already start learning and riding it. Cuz that's our main form of transportation in this small town :) I've got more to learn though. I'm confused about all the different gears -_- And my control is still not very good.

You know, it's actually easier to ride this compared to the bicycle. For bicycle, you need both balance and control. But for this bike, you mainly need control only. Controlling the turning knob to run the bike. Balance is not much of an issue cuz the bike's heavy, so it's pretty much quite stable :)

If you have a chance to come to Indo or my house, maybe you can learn! ;)

Video's up on FB, if you're interested! (Whoever I'm talking to again -_-)

Hehe, really thanks to Kakak who taught me how to ride it. At first she sat behind and taught me which gears to use and control the knob. LOL but after awhile of me steering it, I think she scared of me already and so she got down and I was left to ride around myself. HAHAHAHAHA. At first, I was really nervous!! And when I'm nervous, I keep laughing. And I perspired like crazy also ._.

And guess what, I crashed into some water pipe -_-
I feel really bad, because Wawak and Kakak are gonna cover it up for me if my mum asks or scolds :/
I need to be more careful :/ Scared.


My jie zuo :x *guilty max*

Oh and I love the bottoms I'm wearing today. Bought and worn it for CNY this year and my mum and ahyi says it's WEIRD! I haven't worn it since then, cuz I didn't think it'd be this easy to match with tees. I've got no good sense of fashion. But I love weird clothes. Awesome.

Yep, that's my day. I feel happy to learn something or do something meaningful everyday :)
At least I know I'm not just wasting my time here..

Every minute with you was worthwhile

&the pages keep turning.

Lol I just realised, since I'm a CUSP, I'm supposed to be a full-fledged Leo.
Webbie to visit: http://whisperingworlds.com/cusp/cusp_signs.php

&the pages keep turning.

The day started off zzzzzz -_- I got scolded by Ahyi through the phone cuz she said our room in SG was in a mess. Seriously, I think I'm neater than her. Tsk.

Ohyea, now I know how I can be pride-ful and yet be a imaginatively emotional at the same time.

&the pages keep turning.

Oh man. Little convos kinda make me miss this person.

Today was quite a waste of my life. HAHA.
I was at the shop throughout the whole afternoon. Omg. I didn't know what to do there. I'm sucha noob seriously. I couldn't help out much :(

Lol I remembered my aunt asking me about my future. Then I told her that I'll study and work in Singapore. And she asked me "What to do with your mum's large amount of properties and shop?" LOLOLOLOL. And I replied, give my sister. HAHA. I guess my mum has a lot of money, filthy rich I must say, but people say that she doesn't spend much on her family (which is us) and only knows how to impress her friends and label her as someone who doesn't know how to enjoy life. I hear that a lot. Way too much. It saddens me though. Haha.

Just awhile ago, I came back from the supermarkets with Kakak. Bought snacks and some other stuff. And I simply love Indonesia's maggie noodle! The taste is (Y) Oh maybe I just like spicy stuff. Haha.

What if I'm really drowned in it?

&the pages keep turning.

Today, I had a damn awesome day!

In the morning when my sister's English tuition teacher came, we all just chatted. LOL (Y)

And I learnt how to pry open durian -_- I usually have no strength or I'm just a chicken ass who thinks that it hurts so I can't open it -_- Oh well, I kinda succeeded today, with the help of Kakak. LOL. Anyways, the video's up on FB if you're interested (whoever is reading this anyways -_-)

Then before my mum, ahyi and sis left for Singapore, we were watching one of my cousin's wedding videos. OHMAN, he looked super charming and his wife's dresses were OMG! GORGEOUSSSS. And during the wedding dinner, the cousin (my childhood friend/playmate) sang. Haha he's so handsome (or maybe pretty-faced) now and he sings well man :D And another of my aunt sang as well. Haha what made them so daring to go up on stage to sing! Awww :D

After they left, Kakak and me went to the markets for some shopping. Hehe FREEDOM starts now! They sold really nice clothes but too bad I no money -_- So can't buy anything. But seriously, if you want cheap clothes, INDONESIA IS THE PLACE TO GO TO ._.

Then I stayed at my mum's shop for a little while before going home. I've got my batik cloth from my mum's shop!! :D YAY! Just hope ahyi will tailor-make the batik I want :D :D :D

At night, I had a good dinner with my aunt today! We had BBQ-ed stingray, kangkong and soup Asam. VERY NICCEEE! :D Stingray's the most delicious fish in the world!! :D If you have never tried it, YOU'RE MISSING OUT A LOT I SWEAR. HAHAHA.

After dinner, went to my mum's LAN shop. It turns out that my little fantasy (last time. LOL!) is working there now. HAHA. Quite coooooool :D But there's something really different about the LAN shops here and in Singapore. Here, it's super bright inside. Hahaha in Singapore, usually it's dark and filled with guys, making the atmosphere pretty scary for girls to go in. Lol

I also heard some good things. About my mum and dad. About how my dad is nice to my mum, according to my mum. Aww, I always think that my mum and dad don't really love each other, they're just married cuz it was like arranged marriage (I heard?) and out of family responsibilities etc. But it turns out that my dad is rather sweet :D HAHAHA.

I hope the next few days will just be as awesome too!! :D :D Looking forward to it a lot :)

&the pages keep turning.

This morning was awesome. My aunt told me something good :)
I was talking to her about her son, my cousin (I mentioned before, who used to stay with us and is my childhood friend and playmate) about his birthday on the 25th December - Christmas. Then she told me that on 23rd July, he was saying that "Today's Vivi's birthday right?" Ohmy. I was really touched that he remembers. I really appreciate it when someone remembers it. Forget about the gifts. Not through Facebook or wherever, but if you remember my birthday, it makes me really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really happy. Absolutely happy :)


And that made my aunt remember too :)

I recalled the things I want to blog about yesterday.
It's my Japanese name. LOL. I tried the name generator on some webbie and I got this name Kawazoe Chiaki. LOL. Shall ignore Chiaki cuz.. I don't like the sound of it :/ Plus it's a guy's name. But Kawazoe is sucha nice family name. But Vivi Kawazoe is totallllyyyyy weird. So imma find somemore names :D

Kelly Clarkson's simply awesome. I love her songs Mr Know It All and Stronger.
To be honest, her songs are usually not the type of songs that I'll like. Don't know why. But recently, I've been listening a lot to her lyrics and they're meaningful!

Kelly Clarkson - Mr Know It All

Mr. Know It All
Well you think you know it all
But you don’t know a thing at all
Ain’t it something y’all
When somebody tells you something ’bout you

Think that they know more than you do
So you take it down, another pill to swallow

Mr. Bring Me Down
Well you like to bring me down, don’t ya?
But I ain’t laying down
Baby I ain’t going down
Can’t nobody tell me how it’s gonna be

Nobody’s gonna make a fool out of me
Babe, you should know that I lead, not follow

[Chorus]
Oh you think that you know me
That’s why I’m leaving you lonely
‘Cause babe, you don’t know a thing about me
You don’t know a thing about me

You ain’t got the right to tell me
When and where to go, no right to tell me
Acting like you own me lately
Yeah, baby, you don’t know a thing about me
You don’t know a thing about me

Mr. Play Your Games
Only got yourself to blame
When you want me back again
But I ain’t fallin’ back again
‘Cause I’m living my truth without your lies

Let’s be clear, baby – this is goodbye
I ain’t comin’ back tomorrow

Chorus

So what, you’ve got the world at your feet
And you know everything about everything
But you don’t
You still think I’m comin’ back but baby, you’ll see

Chorus

Mr. Know It All
Well you think you know it all
But you don’t know a thing at all
Yeah, baby, you don’t know a thing about me
You don’t know a thing about me

Today I spent my morning and afternoon making Christmas cards. Even though it's over. Lol.
But when I get back to Singapore, I will give my friends whom I'm exchanging gifts with :)
It's a pity I won't be able to join them tomorrow :(

Anyways, I love those papers that I bought from Urban Write :) SUPER PRETTY! ^^

It's only this year that I start buying scrap booking materials and pretty papers. I always think that it's a waste of money cuz those stuffs are kinda expensive :/ Hmm..

And today, I did a super paiseh thing :(
I called my cousin the wrong name!! He came to our house for awhile and I greeted him by calling him another person's name. WTF right!! :( I only realised I called the wrong person after he left. I have this 2 cousins who look quite alike..  So I mistook him for the other cousin :/ I FEEL DAMN BAD NOW :( ARGH.

I doubt I'll go back tomorrow. Mann..

Sing to me your song,

&the pages keep turning.

I totally forgot what I want to blog about today.
I was thinking through this morning..!
OHCRAP! :(

Aniwaes, I really wonder when I'm going back to Singapore.
There's a chance that I can go back on 28th December. If my passport and I/C is done by then and there's still air tickets. Hmm.. If not, I'll either go back in mid-Jan with my dad, near CNY period with my mum or after the Genting trip in February. SIGH.

But I feel like time has passed rather quickly during my stay here. It's been 2 weeks!

Lemme share what I'm gonna do if I won't go back on the 28th :)
1. Learn to ride the motorbike (I don't know if I'll succeed :/)
2. Go shopping at markets with Kakak
3. Go out to eat lots of other food!

Haha cuz, it's FREEDOM! Without the fear of my mum coming home in the afternoon. So we can do anythingggggg. Seriously anything. Remember I said something about everybody being scared of my mum? This is it. CHANCE. LOL. On the 28th, if I'm not going back, only my mum, Ahyi and my sis will be going to Singapore. Leaving my dad and me here. But in the afternoon, my dad will be at the shop, so he won't be home to check on us la :D

It'll be pretty exciting! I think.

Nevertheless, if I could go back on the 28th, I would still want to. It's okay if I don't get to learn to ride the motorbike. There's always next time. LOL. 

This morning, I was trying to find a new cover for my FB profile cuz Christmas is over!
Haha and I'm glad that I found really nice sunflower pictures :D
Really love sunflowers a lot and seeing them makes me smile!


Gleaming like your smile

&the pages keep turning.

FELIZ NAVIDAD!
I learnt this from watching my sister's Dora the Explorer christmas episode.
Merry Christmas in Spanish. Hohoho.

Anyways, it's just another day for me.
Since we don't really celebrate.
#Mundane

Last night, I had 2 dreams.
I rarely dream when I sleep! So I feel really happy when I have one :D I forgot one of them already but the other, I guess, maybe I "missed" this person quite a bit and that's why I dreamt of this person.

In the dream, this person was at my house. In both Singapore's and Indo's home.
I don't know how it's possible but it just happened.
While this person was travelling to another country, this person stopped by at my house. There was little conversation between us, but somehow I was just satisfied with this person's presence.

Then at Singapore's home, I fell asleep crouching against this person's back. Right in front of my dad.
Lol I don't know what gave me the guts to do that. But oh well, it's just a dream.

#AllIWantForChristmasIsYou

Mm, maybe the kind of Christmas I had wished for is my loved one(s) and me, baking cookies and singing carols all day long. I love this thing about singing together. Because it always creates harmony :)


25/12 - Catch me in my dreams

&the pages keep turning.

&the pages keep turning.

Feeling at peace now :)

My mum doesn't seem like she's angry with me anymore.
Managed to help my mum with some hotel reservations thing this morning and we talked pretty fine.
But I'm still scared la. Lol.

I'm pretty sure I'll only go back to Singapore in Jan or later la. So I guess, I just have to think of more productive stuffs to do..! And make the best out of it here. But I'm still wondering, what can I actually do here? Hahaha. Good question.

There's so many things I wanna do when I get back man..
Miss Singapore so much. I miss my friends even more.


And I also wonder if the Japan trip will be on as well.

SIGH.

&the pages keep turning.

Man.. Life can't get more boring than this.
I'll only grow fat here. Eat, sit, sleep.
I WANT BACK OUR BADMINTON RACKET!! :(

Just now, Kak Susan and me went to my aunt's house. Zomg.
FREAKING BIGGGGGGGGGG AND NICE!!
I should have taken photo of it! It was really spacious and pretty :D
Like a mini castle, with many many rooms and there's the balcony, where Romeo and Juliet could be. Awwwwwwww totally :D

I was out quite a bit today. To the market and supermarkets.
Lol, there's no malls here. Kinda rural here la. Totally a different environment from Singapore!

Hope my mum forgives me sooooooon and let me go back ):
I'm scared..

&the pages keep turning.

I'm currently listening to Norturne in C Minor - Chopin. Great piece.
Just happen to find it on kylelandry.com :)



Oh anyways, finally transferred photos from my phone. I was out to my mum's orange fields with another aunt of mine on Thursday. It was fun plucking oranges and walking in the fields :D But there were a lot of guard dogs there which scared me. I need to get over the fear of animals like right now. It's my first time there! I hope there'll be more trips like this again :D The field wasn't too far from our house. Just about 30 minutes!






My heart wavered,
why yours didn't?

&the pages keep turning.

One of the worst 2nd days.
And that was Wednesday.

My mum is the only one capable of making me cry like shit.
If I were to blog this on Wednesday, I think I could have written like some 10 pages essay. But now my emotions are gone. One of the thing I remembered was.. She's not even looking at me. Why do I have to do it for her? I want to do well at school for myself and not anyone else.

Because you're not even looking at me.
Not even a single bit.

Who cares about the good results I got in at school last time?
Will you praise me? You only know how to compare me with others.

I just remembered I cried out of frustration. I stayed in the toilet for a really long time. Blame me for being emotional and whatnot, but I just felt so miserable. Like some useless shit.

Or at least, that's what you think I am.

Maybe that's how my confidence level drop bit by bit everytime.
I'm here trying to build up confidence about myself but you always destroy it.
Or probably I just wanted to blame someone for my low esteem

I'm frustrated for being happy so easily.

When you said "Mum will pick you up okay", you wouldn't understand how happy I was but it turns out you had forgotten and I was scolded for being rude for not calling you the night before to remind you. I guess I was rude for not reminding. But I thought you would remember.

I wished you had remembered.
You forgot everything about me.
If you would also remember my birthday..

Anyways, I want to try to be more appreciative about what I have. And be thankful for what my parents have given me. But sometimes I still feel frustrated being in this family because of my mum and I guess everyone is afraid of my mum, afraid to talk back to her (even my dad) cuz my mum's just that big in the family. She makes all decisions.

She's my role model in that sense.
I want to be an independent woman.

But because of that, I don't even talk to my family about the things in my life. They feel so distant to me. And Ahyi said that I'm always like that. So quiet with family but with friends, can talk and complain so much. But that's because they're much closer at heart with me. They will try to understand me. And not assert their authority to talk to me or whatever.

I miss my friends, dearly.

My mum doesn't want to let me go back to Singapore so soon..
Because I made her angry over the airport issue..
I don't know how to apologise to her also..

I just wish I was closer to her to be able to talk to her properly.

I want my friends, now.

&the pages keep turning.

Actually I had planned to post some of my thoughts about my life thus far but I guess, I have to move it to next time cuz I needa pack my luggage properly now. Mann.. The results of procrastination.

Just hope I'll be back before 31st December to post about my thoughts :)
Unless I can get to use Internet there :D

I'm leaving tomorrow already. I'm going back to Indonesia alone..
But anyways, I'm happy my mum's picking me up from the Airport tomorrow! :D

I'll surely miss everything here.. ):

I had a great day today anyways.
Wimpy Josh, did you?

Hope I get to go shopping for Christmas presents in Indo!! PLEASE, AUNTS AND COUSINS, ASK ME OUT!! ): DESPO HEREEE.

Out of responsibility

&the pages keep turning.

PROM.

It was awesome.
Uber awesome.
Simply awesome.

It feels really great seeing people look so different, handsome and gorgeous! Since I was from a girls school last time, I have never seen guys at prom before so this is the first time. Lol, they look really good!! And I felt so happy seeing so many pretty girls!! LOL. I must have some guy hormones ._.

Food was nice but games were so-so, just those normal ones. But I enjoyed the company :)

Before that, I was at Hair Secrets and Jorene's house preparing for prom. Lol, the makeup artist and the hairstylist were pro!! :D I liked what they did with my face and hair. First time. And maybe the last. Unless I get married next time. LOL. And Jorene looked so beautiful!! :D

And I love my dress :) But.. I didn't have much figure to show and yet I was still quite daring to try a tight-fit dress. LOL. Praise me for my bravery please. Tyvm.

At the end of it, the girls became quite sentimental cuz it's sort of the last time we'll see each other, unless we can have many many many more outings etc.

Now, it's time for me to reveal some of my shameless fantasies. LOL!
#1 I had wished that a guy put his coat/blazer over me. HAHA but I realised it was quite impossible cuz it wasn't cold there and since I wore a toga right, it which was pretty covered up. I remembered SMSing Livia right after Prom to tell her no one did it and she was like "You want me to come to cut your dress?" HAHAHAHA. Funny.

#2 Somebody will carry me and my heels! Lol but wearing dress and getting carried is a bit........ And I think the person will collapse under my weight -_-

Oh anyways, after we left Marina Mandarin, I was the only girl left in our class since the rest had to leave first. And I was so touched that the guys kinda took care of me! I guess it's prom, must show the gentlemanly side huh? I bet at other times, I'm just like a brother!

That's our night :)

And for the first time, I said "Friends Forever" to a friend. And that's Jorene. I guess I have never believed in forever and that's why I have never said friends forever to anyone. Maybe because of a promise that someone broke a few years back when he mentioned forever. LOL what a joke.

I sincerely wish we could be friends forever :)

Everything will end.

&the pages keep turning.

Hello! Have been pretty busy going shopping for prommy stuffs with friends for the past few days..

And today's D-day! Hope I'll look really nice and be ladylike :/ My friends say the way I eat is very graceful. Lol, I think that's the only thing I can be ladylike in. Haha good luck to me today.

Really looking forward to it! ^^

Are you?
(lol probably just talking to myself)

&the pages keep turning.

Actually, I've already made a decision.

It was just the recent happenings and conversations that triggered me to think of all those rubbish. Without them, I'll probably be back to normal again.

I'm gonna regain my sanity.

My pride will never allow anything more than this. We're not meant to be friends, I know it perfectly well :)

But still, let me live in my fantasy. Even just for a little while more.

&the pages keep turning.

I thought class chalet was an opportunity to patch back this friendship which I had initially gave up on. But I was wrong, it made me yearn for more.

And I kept thinking, how?
And I kept thinking, there's just no way we can be friends again. But why? I don't know. Because we can only be one or nothing at all. And I think the answer is nothing at all.

But why do I feel sad?
I thought I had let go 100% but it turns out to be only 99.999999%

The day when I can be in a picture with you will probably be the day I let go 100%. It'll come soon.

The problem is, I don't know you.
I get confused with the way you are.
Like you're screwing up my head because I can't understand you.

Or is it just me, making myself even more confused. Thinking that you would have cared, even just a little.

&the pages keep turning.

Feel kinda tired after shopping for a whole day with Jorene, Yunnie&her boyfriend today.

And I bought a suitable prommy dress. Thanks to the salesperson, Jorene, Yunnie&her boyfriend's comments and recommendations :) At first I was really paiseh about letting a guy see me in the dress but turns out he was giving good comments :D

The bad thing was, it cost me A BOMB. WTS. I think I'm gonna starve myself for the next few months -_-

Oh anyways, when Jorene saw me in it, the first reaction she gave was eyes sooo widely opened. She was stunned. Lolol I love that reaction. Hope on prommy day, the first impression I give people on that day will be that too :) Really excited for prom now! :)

But haven't shop finish though. Still haven't gotten shoes and clutch. Sigh. Sometimes girls are really so ma fan.

Thursday, please arrive quickly but end slower! Excited to see how people will dress up and how they'll look like that day ^^

Waiting for something
But like that'll ever happen

&the pages keep turning.

Hello!
A levels are finally over and we just finished our 3D2N class chalet. Love 24/10 to da max! I didn't sleep a wink for 48 hours in total. The weird thing was, I was mentally tired but I just didn't feel like sleeping and my eyes didn't twitch either. Haha.

We had night cycling on the first night. It's my first time and it was really fun! I hope to improve my bicycle-riding skills though. Hope we'll cycle to Marina Barrage next time! If there'll be a next time :/

BBQ was on the 2nd night. Food ordered was almost just nice compared to last year when we had so much leftovers.

Then, I wanted to roast marshmallows for you. But I was shy. So I ended up roasting it for many people to make me feel less shy. Lol.

Those rough hands.

And as usual, in the morning and afternoon, we were either xbox-ing, playing card games or mahjong. Hehe so fun :D But since I didn't sleep at night, my brain was a bit drained out la -_- oh except for Hearts and Bridge, my brain is always awake. Hahahahhaha.

The end of the class chalet feels like the beginning of our separation. Regardless, I hope that we'll keep in contact with each other..

Anyways, recently, I've been feeling happy yet sad at the same time. Happy to see your smile a lot a lot! Happy that we were able to converse something with much laughter. The sad thing was, I know it'll only last for a day. Just like Cinderella, when the clock strucks 12.

Then as I saw people sleeping on the bed and sofas, your imperfections seemed to be perfect to me. I don't want to wish for anything too difficult. But only hope that our acquintance-ship will improve. Or maybe that's difficult enough?

Oh there was this murderer-like game that we played and I really loved it! But it was a tough one. I had to keep looking at people's face to look for clues on who might be the wolf and there were people who were easy to see through but others were..... Almost expressionless, totally pro. My guesses were.. Mostly right but still made some mistakes here and there lor :/ And 'killed' innocent commoners. I was the commoner and cupid often. I like the cupid's role! Haha. But then uh, people kept thinking that I'm the wolf :( in actual fact, I have never been the wolf before. Lol even after changing seats, still had no luck on getting wolf. Hahahaha.

I just woke up from an almost 14 hour slumber. I blogged this halfway yesterday and fell asleep before publishing it.. gonna go prom shopping later! Hope to find something suitable today :)

Ciaos~

&the pages keep turning.