OH. I'M HERE AGAIN. Needa blog about this!

&the pages keep turning.

“How do you get so empty? he wondered. Who takes it out of you?”
— Ray Bradbury

&the pages keep turning.

Ahhhh, I smell the freedom at the end of October :D

We managed to kinda finish the deco and it looks pretty cute ^^ Yay efforts paid off. The best part was how most of us came together to blow balloons, string them up, sing songs, laugh, complain together. The committee spirit. It was a nice experience. Even though we did till about 2+ but it was worth it how we helped each other and still pull through it all. Hope our first Halloween will be a success!

Have to start doing assignments already. A lot of assignments and tasks due in these 2 weeks. Just now, I met our I&E prof for consultation. 20 minutes! My essay seem to be.. Okay? Hopefully what I think is really true though. LOL. I'm done for today. Just needa complete my part for project meeting tonight.

Say No! to procrastination. I shall start with work after this post.

Anyway, I think I'm glad that October's gonna be over soon. Haven't really had regular and proper meals in awhile. Cuz I don't have much appetite either and it's kinda affecting my iron level. Usually I already have very low iron level. Need more veggie naoo. I think I've accumulated many meal credits since I don't eat breakfast and dinner quite some time. SO PLEASE COME VISIT ME AT ANGSANA AND ACCOMPANY ME FOR DINNER :>

Plus when I stand up after sitting down, there's always this dizzy feeling. I think girls generally have that often? But yea, it's kind of a sign that I need to eat properly man. Instead of having nauseous feeling and fast heartbeat on Thursdays only, I get it every now and then. Zz. Time to take care of myself.

Sometimes I feel like I'm some little kid. Who doesn't know how to look after myself or something.
-_- What a crisis.

Kk work time ^^

&the pages keep turning.

"Troubles, they may come and go, but good times, they're gold."
- Dave Matthews Band

&the pages keep turning.

I'm just thinking, I wish I was less attached to things.
When you're too attached to something, the disappointment is greater.
I think, there's always something with a greater purpose planned out for me.
The thought of it suddenly makes me feel small. Like I feel disappointed easily, just because it didn't turn out my way, without knowing the fact that God had planned something greater for me because someone else out there needs me more.

Actually I'm quite a theist. Just that I don't know which "God" to believe in. My parents are devotees of Buddhism and my mum always tells me how God had helped in her business and other family circumstances and that's why she will repay back by being a firm believer. I on the other hand, goes to church, listening to sermons, learning about religion and spirituality etc. But at the end of the day, I still do not know what to believe in. A confused and confusing person, aren't I? Hah.

I think it's because I like to stay neutral in a lot of things and that's why I'm like that.
I want to understand everyone's stand and viewpoint. And while considering their stands, it makes me feel that I should just stay in the middle ground because by making myself go on either side, it makes me feel that I'm understanding something less from the other. But sometimes I wonder if that makes me have no identity if I'm just lingering in the middle.


I'm just thinking. I wish there was something that would make me disgusted.
So I would just forget about you.


I'm just thinking, I wish I was less attached to something, again.
I closed up all my doors just because I'm too attached to someone or something. On the other hand, I'm just one of those options, who temporarily fill up those empty gaps before someone or something else comes along. I don't see why I should close myself up for such reasons but I still do it.

This is a good question to ask myself. Am I stupid or dumb?

Well, I'm stupid and dumb.

I need to let loose. I need to be less attached to everything I'm associated with.
And perhaps, see the great in other things.

&the pages keep turning.

I think it's just the way God does things for me. God works in such an amazing way? Perhaps.
Although they hurt so much, but I know they're for my own good.
I must and I will understand.

&the pages keep turning.

Sometimes we're so often disappointed that little hopes are enough to keep us going.
But also so often, these hopes just stay as dreams, without any hint of ever becoming reality.

&the pages keep turning.

We fall in love. Sometimes not knowing how. We just do.

We become one with our love. But not equal parts for the other is always more important than yourself.

To become one, we give up a part of us and choose to be vulnerable. It has to be.

For without the possibility of great hurt, I do not think we can love that deeply.

I have been fortunate to be able to share and shoot for couples in love.

Through these shoots, it's obvious that no two love stories are alike and none of them are perfect.

We just keep working at our love story because we believe. Sometimes not knowing how. We just do.

We keep finding ways to fall in love.

Love this image :)

&the pages keep turning.

Sometimes we choose to play mind games.
Why can't we all just be honest?

We don't need someone better, but maybe someone different.

Some general updates. Thursday night, Jorene came over to stay at my room :) And we had dinner with Emm and Jerrie. I think it might have been somewhat awkward for Jorene since she doesn't really know the two of them. Anyway, the night was a great one. Just chatted a bit, gave an update about our lives and then continued with our work. Then we walked out to Cheers at like 12 plus to get some ice cream and drink - our supper! Hope she could have come more often :)

Then just now, had dinner at Jurong Point Dian Xiao Er with my relatives to celebrate my aunt's 21st birthday. Hehe I could really converse with her very well, which I was happy about :) Then another aunt, uncle and cousin drove me back to Angsana and came to visit my room. I certainly love showing people my room :)

Just done with deco for tonight. More deco tomorrow. Sigh.

Like the fields of gold

&the pages keep turning.

Sometimes I feel so upset at the fact that few people seem to be willing to help out just because they have work and other commitments. I too have a lot of urgent work to be done. Sometimes I don't know whether I'm stupid or what for not knowing how to prioritise. Because if everyone prioritises school work over every other thing, then, who will actually be there to help? Who will actually be willing to sacrifice? Sometimes I think I just fail to understand and empathise with others. And with that, I am upset with myself, with others and I am stressed up.

I used to think that I handle stress very well, but I think twice now.

I think today's Thursday. So I feel exceptionally upset. Thursdays are bad for me. Long day, mindblowing lessons, 'argh' project work meetings. And then, Thursdays are the days where I'll feel nauseous and get headaches. This feeling always comes to me during Japanese Studies lecture and my heart will start beating faster than usual, distracting me from concentrating fully..

I hate October.

&the pages keep turning.

When the sun comes up, you'd better be running.

It's been a busy month!! Gahhh.

&the pages keep turning.

I don't like today. Like something was wrong with me.

&the pages keep turning.

Today, I can't believe I have enough iron :)
Just ended my code-red and yesterday when I went for the blood test, it says that my iron level is 11.3. One needs at least 12.5 to be eligible to donate blood. I was really eager to donate blood so yesterday and today, I tried to eat more food rich in iron and yay! 13.7 today! :D More than enough to donate blood. Feel really happy that I could donate :D

I was just talking to Keren about stuff and whoa.. Made me go into an emo state. There are a lot of things which I refuse to admit. Trying to be indifferent but I know some things bother me a lot.

What if I'm just wasting my time?
What if I'm missing out on something better?

How do I make feelings and thoughts go away?

&the pages keep turning.

"It's POL, the Power of Love," she says.

&the pages keep turning.

Finally the week ended, but yea, tomorrow's a new week.

&the pages keep turning.

Only now, I am going to sleep. Haha.

&the pages keep turning.

What happened to my Habit 5?

Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

F***.

&the pages keep turning.

Just let me blog for little awhile before I start with my I&E.
I feel a little depressed since evening and it's worse now.

WHY MUST THE SAME THING HAPPEN AGAIN?
WHY DON'T I LEARN FROM MY LESSON?


I'm just disappointed. Really really disappointed.
I think I don't understand enough............

I've had enough of bawling my eyes out.

Lemme blog about what happen the past few days.

Yesterday, I met up with Lim Pin to study/do work a little! For a couple of hours. Haha long time no see him already. Did work at Subway and lol, we bought this 3 for $3 cookies. Omg super nice at first but after awhile, can get a bit sick of it since it's very sweet. Haha. Then went for violin lesson and I was playing nonsense during class -_- Because as usual, I didn't practise violin..

On Saturday, I met Jorene in the evening to go back to the East with her since she was at Buona Vista. I ended up at her house, eating dinner, playing the guitar, discussing our trip this year end, talking about our feelings about things happening recently etc. It's always great to have those impromptu talks and I love her very very very much for being there for me through the thick and thin.

Friday nothing much, just hung out alone at Bugis! :)

Thursday, Jerrie came over for dinner cuz it's our Korean night! Lol food was okok la!

Wednesday.... I don't remember much. Haha.

Tuesday, Jerrie and Joshua came for dinner and before that just stayed in my room to study/lepak a little while waiting for the crowd in the dining hall to disperse.

That's about it.

A note to myself: Don't be depressed anymore please and do work!

&the pages keep turning.

I keep hearing people say that I'll be the one who will get hurt in the end.
WHY.

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather it makes me realise that if I wanted much to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along."

Sometimes you just don't know who's the one, and who's not.

Anyway, I probably should start counting down to 7 October 2013. Actually I can't be so sure of the date. But yes, maybe I'll let everything be like that for a year. I can use this one year, to sort out my thoughts, to let go of what I need to and to start afresh when the time comes.

363 Days.

&the pages keep turning.

My OGL asked me a baffling question awhile ago.
If ____ were to propose to you, will you accept?

It was funny because there's nothing between us, yet the marriage question suddenly came in. Haha. But I actually hesitated in answering, eventually stating the possibility of acceptance.


Today we had our level steamboat :) Then played Bridge and the guitar and sang! The guys' guitar playing always make my heart melt all the time :3 *Spasm, jumping around with peace sign* Jeffrey and Marcus are my shi fus!! I learnt a new strumming technique from them! So happy!

Kay it's late. Shall go to bed! Nights :)

&the pages keep turning.

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Beautiful. Thanks to Jerrie and Emm, it's like stuck in my head!

&the pages keep turning.

Hmmm, it's slightly depressing for the start of the week.

It was a depressing cuz I did very badly for Stats test which was before the recess week. I thought I knew my concepts. But I probably don't. I think I need to be a lot more confident with my knowledge and myself.. I realise I score very badly for MCQs all the time because when I consider the many options given, my confidence wavers..

The last time I felt sad over results was really super long ago. In JC, I was experiencing like "learned helplessness" (we learn this in Psy. Haha) where I almost totally gave up on subjects and I didn't even bother feeling sad about bad results anymore.

But now, I feel sad over results because I know I put in effort into making notes or studying. The more effort I put into a subject, the more nervous I'll get during the test and the sadder I'll be when I get bad results :(

I was really upset yesterday and I went to talk to my awesome neighbour about it. She's really encouraging and nice and simply awesome :)

And a friend said this to me "You know. Not everyone starts by walking. Some start by crawling. Give it sometime and you should be ok. Don't worry so much and focus on tomorrow!" I am truly encouraged :)

Really really fortunate to have such great friends :)


I guess the only way I can redeem myself is during Final Exams! Gan batte.

Just a reminder for myself,
"Disappointment is inevitable. Discouragement is a choice."

Ending on a good note, mid-terms are over for me :)

&the pages keep turning.