Wow. I haven't posted in two months. When I'm here out of the blue, it's usually no good news. Haha.

Well, maybe there is one good news - I started my first full time job a month ago. Tomorrow will be my one full month in the company.

Work life has been on the rough side for me. Just a little though. I don't dread work, I don't have to drag myself out of bed to get to work, I don't have much complaints about my duties - so that's a good thing. Oh, that makes it two good things.

Thankful for the two good things.

On the other hand, I'm finding it hard to keep up with my emotions. It just daunted upon me yesterday that I AM TOO EMOTIONAL. As SY pointed it out to me. She reminded me that I need to emotionally detach myself from things that happen in the workplace. I never had much problems with being emotionally detached to people so I always thought that I wouldn't have problems with other aspects as well. But I was wrong. I was so caught up with my emotions when things go wrong (even when they were not entirely my fault but I still get so worked up), when I get picked for the littlest things, when I feel like I'm trying my bestest but the effort just don't seem to be recognised.

I didn't expect my first job to land me in such emotional turmoil because I never had problems with my other internships/jobs. I don't ever mix my personal feelings into work. But this time, it feels like I'm regressing. As people have more experience, they are able to think more logically and not let work problems get in the way of personal life & feelings. Whereas for me, I'm regressing? Because I let work problems affect my overall quality of life. And I feel shitty every other day and I am always having a bad breakout. So all these feelings seem to be very new, very foreign, very scary to me - realising how un-mindful I can be.

Well, maybe there's a third good thing - I don't let my emotions get into the way of producing quality work. And the frustration and disappointment I feel actually helps me find ways to improve strategies so that we get better at preventing future problems.

Yay to the third good thing.

I am also upset with myself for letting work dwellings affect my personal happiness level and overall quality of life. All these emotions are harming my body.

I'm sure I'll learn to cope better. I will learn to be more patient. I will learn to hold back my feelings. I can do this. Vivi you can do this!

&the pages keep turning.