"I don't know why but it just felt like my heart shattered to a million pieces"

&the pages keep turning.

Argh, feel miserable now..

Stomach queasy, head dizzy and everything else feels weird. I think my sis spread her gastric flu to me. The doctor had already warned that time but I didn't think I was this vulnerable to viruses -_- And I've got a long day ahead.............. Damn.

Yesterday, met Pingy to have dinner at Cafe de Waraku/Mr Curry. By the way, the curry is very nice. One of the nicest Japanese curry I've ever eaten! ^^ Recommended. Hahaha and she told me lots of stories about her Korea trip. Even after explaining 3 times to other people, she's still that enthusiastic! Haha!

I had a bad headache suddenly while meeting Pingy. And that translated to fever. But when I reached home, I still went to bathe and wash my hair.. Creating more problems for myself. Dumb. Lol. I tried to go to bed, but the headache was bad, my chest was heavy and I couldn't fall asleep.

And lol, only after I vomited everything out, then I felt much better and could fall asleep -_- Wasted all the curry I ate.........................!! Damn.

Tomorrow's the AGM. I hope I'll be okay. It's an important day. Can't screw up.

Then today on the train, heard someone's ringtone "Payphone" playing. I never knew this song could be this annoying until today when "I'm at the payphone, trying to call home, all of my change was spent on you" was playing on repeat. Just this line. In my head I was thinking "WTF was this person doing not picking up his phone" I swear it played over 20 times. THAT SAME LINE.

I love that song, but that guy totally ruined it for me.

Anyway, I decided to listen to some music and I put my playlist on shuffle mode. The first song played was "Stop and Stare". Then I suddenly feel like playing guitar hero! Seriously miss the class a lot a lot..!! >.<

Hope today gets better.
Or just kill me..... .

&the pages keep turning.

Happy belated birthday to me! :D

Yesterday was one of the coolest birthday I ever had.

It was supposed to be a day when I had no plans at all, but suddenly, I was meeting so many people. The rush made me anxious, made me excited, made me anticipate, made me alive :D

But I did feel like I was very big and mean. Making people meet me ._.


First, I met Wenxiu for breakfast at Macs at Raffles City before she went for her camp and I went to work. Wenxiu wanted to celebrate my birthday with me yesterday but in the end because of camp, she couldn't.. So at best it was a breakfast and it was just cool la~ I ended up reaching office really early such that the doors were not even opened and I had to wait in another office which was opened.

Second, I met Cass, Emm and Jerrie for lunch at MOF. Haha on Saturday, Jerrie said, "If no one eat with you on Monday, Emm & I will find you for lunch!" Aww so sweet right!! Then Emm & Jerrie had to leave for their hostel check in and stuffs and Cass was uber nice to accompany me (I think I forced her into it. Lol!) to Serenity at Vivo, to collect my pay and eat cake with me. Hehe. We had cake at Fruit Paradise! HAHA once a year can la.


Can't eat too often cuz:
1. The cake has quite a lot of cream so it's fattening..!!
2. Expensive.

But I still love the cake there!! >.<

I love cream. LOL ._. #fat

When I reached home, I found my sister at home instead of at school and she fell sick.. Heartache. As she vomitted and teared, it really pained me to see her like that :( So my aunt asked me to accompany her and the nanny to the doctor. SIGH. Doctor came late, our queue got cut and that patient took an uber long time in the room, my sister kept wanting to vomit, I was rushing to meet someone after that. Damn.

And so, I was late by 45 minutes to meet Joshua Chan. I cabbed there as fast as I could already but still.. 45 minutes late. LOL ._. And I think the time he took to wait for me was longer than the time we actually met to sit down to have a chat. #filledwithguilt

And then I've got my retribution when I had to wait for an hour for Confetti Lee. HAHA. I was treated to some drinks and nachos at Red Dot. The Lychee Martini and Toffee Apple Cider was nice. We just chatted over camps, SPs, and I shared with her some of my what-I-considered-to-be-"cute"-conversations-I-had-with-people-that-happened-to-me-just-recently-stories (ASK ME IF YOU DARE. LOL)


HAHAHAHAHAHA. What a day.

I feel very touched at the fact that my lovely friends would make time for me, in the midst of their busy schedules and they are already weary after a day filled with activities, even for a little while just to accompany me. I truly am blessed :)

I was like an evil big shot yesterday ._. Having so many people to meet me. But I love it how every one of them was so impromptu. Like people suddenly just texted to say "Lets's meet" or something. 

I love impromptu meetings like how I love cream like how I love you <3
And like how Taylor Swift loves sparkles :)

Cheers~

&the pages keep turning.

I've got such an awesome life with awesome friends :D

The past few days were simply awesome. awesome. awesome. awesome.

On Friday, my colleague sitting next to me finally decided to ask me for a lunch date! Supposed to be the two of us only, but I said that we should wait for the rest cuz I have never had lunch with the others before. We had lunch with the other Finance people. My supervisor was away during lunch, so I didn't feel weird if I went with my other colleagues. It's my first time having lunch with a such a big group!! Didn't know that Fridays could be this awesome. HAHA.


But aww, it's gonna be the last slack Friday at work. Next week is AGM. So I doubt we'll ever have lunch together with my other colleagues again on Mon-Thurs cuz it's gonna get busy.

After lunch, a lot of us went separate ways. Some went to buy lottery (lol), groceries or went back to the office. Then my colleague suggested to eat those street ice cream. So as we were walking there, we just talked about school, work, or whatever random rubbish. Oh yes, the interesting part was he shared with me about his marriage life, wedding plans, cost etc. LOL!

Marriage is a seriously huge huge huge investment. Think before you go into it ._. Omg.

He's pretty young (compared to the others) so it was easy to talk to him.

Oh ya, during lunch we all gossiped about my supervisor. Oops ._.

That was Friday for me!

On Saturday, we had mini class outing!
Hahahaha I think I said it so many times that I don't know how to write it in this blog already ._. I was really shocked and surprised that Emm/Jerrie/Joshua planned a surprise for me and the class celebrated my birthday with me. First time I received balloons too!! >.<


And first time getting smashed by a slice of cake thanks to someone -_-
But I'm cool about it. HAHAHAHAHHA. In life, you always must try new things! LOL!


You know, balloons are technically one of the most useless gift, BUT IT'S MAGICAL. BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOOK AT IT, YOU WILL JUST SMILE IDK WHY!!!! On the way home, I was looking at the balloons and thinking about the day and I was smiling like crazy. LOL!

I didn't anticipate any celebrations because:

1. Yesterday wasn't my birthday
2. We haven't celebrated any birthdays since after Mr Ang's house that outing.
3. I believed that Emm's bus could have broken down and she had a suay day (she said)

Hahahaha. I love surprises, I love 24/10, I love all of you for being part of my life.

My ever-so-awesome-friends <3

Then we caught The Dark Night Rises at 112 Katong. My first time at the mall and I think it's a pretty nice place to hang out. Just that Katong area is not that accessible. lol. The movie was quite nice! Go watch it if you haven't! ^^

We then had dinner at Manhattan's Fish Market at Bedok Point, chit chat for awhile and we headed home. What a great day :)

Today, had lunch buffet at Orchard Hotel with my relatives :) My cousin's going to Germany for SEP, so it's like a farewell. I love all the family gatherings :D It's always so nice meeting up and talking about stuff :) Hehe and the food was uber nice! And my relatives recommended Carousel.

LET'S GO THERE ONE DAY PLEASE! :D

After that, just walk around Ion, before we all disperse to live our normal lives again.

Suddenly, Dagu mentioned about how I was when I was younger. She said I had a sweet tongue and I was the chilli padi (imagine that analogy yourself). I was authoritative like a big shot and when I'm unhappy about things, I'll just say it without holding back.

Can you imagine? That was me last time.

I was shocked to hear that because I didn't remember that I was like that.

I'm like a coward now and I don't know how to sweet talk people or make my parents happy etc. What a disaster I have become ._. But good to know I was someone with so much character before. Haha. That is what I call CHARISMA. LOL!

Then thinking back about what I said to certain people about certain issues, I realise I do mean every word I said. Like me being hesitant to keep certain friendships/relationships. Not that I'm unable to commit, but I question my significance, I question whether it's worth it or not, I question how much trust I am able to have in a person. I question.

I've been through much heartaches, disappointments, frustrations and now, I just want to be cool about everything. Like be cool about losing friends. I don't want to go too deep, emotionally, with anyone and get disappointed all over again (Haha maybe the next moment, I would find a best friend in uni). I just want to be more cautious about the relationships I forge with people.


Honestly, I'm becoming cool about all the things that had happen. I've learnt to let go.
Well, all thanks for Elizabeth Gilbert for being such an inspiration.

xoxo,
Vivi ;D

&the pages keep turning.

Charisma

The term charisma (pronounced /kəˈrɪzmə/; pl. charismata, adj. charismatic) has two senses: 1) compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others, 2) a divinely conferred power or talent

Ooo, how I love this definition.

"inspire devotion" huh.

&the pages keep turning.

Just you, will do.

Feel sad now :(

1. There's an outing with some of our OG people tomorrow and I can't go cuz I couldn't take leave.

2. I requested for a full day off on Monday, but I could only get half..

I don't really wanna work on this special day.. But I guess I don't have much of a choice. At least I get half a day off, better than nothing.

Hmmm, I think this year's birthday will probably just be like any other day. Initially Wenxiu wanted to ask me out on that day, but in the end, she has camp.. A lot of camps this period, so I guess I shouldn't be expecting anyone to accompany me that day :(

Sad ttm.

Maybe I should force someone to go out with me? Haha.

I don't need celebrations or anything special, but I just want company. Maybe over a meal? Idk.

I think I've been expecting something for this year's birthday.. When I was still staying at my uncle&aunt's place, there'll surely be cake or we'll go out to eat etc. Then when I moved to Aquarius, sometimes got cake, sometimes no cake, but at least my birthday usually falls on a weekday and I'm at school and I'm not rotting at home or something. Then last year, my uncle&aunt asked me out for dinner impromptu-ly. But this year, no school, doubt my uncle&aunt will ask me out again, no cake, no friends.


I wish my mum would have Facebook.

Also, what made me upset was my relationship with my supervisor is straining so much. It's like the gradient for the graph of Her Expectations against My Capability is really steep. If you get what I mean. She'll be in a bad mood because she's impatient with my results which causes me to feel annoyed. And so, everything became sucky. Viscious cycle.

Then today, she finally mentioned about my 2 hours lunch. Probably I've been taking her kindness for granted and I just didn't expect her to say anything. I know I deserve it..

The tension between us is heightening and I dislike my job even more..

And this is what made me ultimately upset.
I'm upset at the fact that I dislike my job.
I don't want to dislike what I'm doing.
It makes me question myself like "WTF am I doing, staying in this job just because of responsiblity?" How stupid.

&the pages keep turning.

There's quite a lot of work to do recently.

&the pages keep turning.

It's the start of the week again.
I think, I'm gonna be quite busy. I didn't have as much time as previously to FB, Twitter, blog and slack at work anymore. LOL! Okay, time management is key :P

I liked the pace of yesterday.
Met up with class peeps to watch Painted Skin II and then we just went Macs to sit and rot. I love taking unglam pictures. HAHAHA we all had a good laugh ._.

While some of them had to go home, the rest of us headed to Arirang Korean BBQ Restaurant to have our dinner there. The place where Emm always wanted to bring us to. Lol! Enjoyed it and Lim Pin was like high and smiling all the way.

As he would say, when the food is very good, he wouldn't stop smiling. Haha.

Then accompanied Joshua to a photobooth at Bedok. Omg, I don't know why, it's just a photobooth but it feels damn embarrassing to take a picture inside alone. Omgzxasdfzx.

Okay, that was just yesterday. Hah.

On Saturday, I was slacking all day and I finally decided to watch a drama. So I was watching Queen In Hyun's man. I thought it was okay-okay only. But something just made me wanna continue watching it.

I'm looking forward to the next weekend ;)

&the pages keep turning.

Whoever is reading this,
Go tag at my tagboard anonymously and rate my charisma level!
1 - having no charisma, 10 - having lots of charisma.

Haha.

You know what, I didn't make a move (What was I expecting?)
So yup, today I'll probably be home or maybe meet Cass? Who knows. Haha.

Yesterday, attended the distinguished speaker series talk with Cass and MX at TJ. Mr Nathan is really hilarious ._. But anyway, a lot of times I couldn't hear what he was saying totally because we were sitting at the back of the audi (because I blur block, something happened and I came late T.T) and acoustics were very bad. We also missed the cocktail serving session :(

This is what happened. I queued up at the wrong lane at Bedok Interchange. It's not the first time. And I was playing Hearts on my phone so I wasn't paying attention to the bus that pass by and hence, I missed the first 38 and the subsequent 38 came much much later. Yes, sometimes I really don't know what to say about my stupidity.

As you would then say, "Yea, I also don't know what to say."

HURHUR.

Then we went for dinner at Kung Fu Paradise. Hahaha bitching session. We all had a good laugh. Omg. Our class is really filled with weird and cheesy people :D And MX always has that "judging-you" face ._.

Whee~ Looking forward to the mini class outing on Sunday!
Hope more girls will come T.T If not it's always Cass and me :(

&the pages keep turning.

Whee~ I had an awesome past few days.

&the pages keep turning.

"When you finally get something good, enjoy it, keep it, cherish it.
Don't go on trying to look for something better."

I'm bored now.

&the pages keep turning.

Having camp withdrawal symptoms now.

&the pages keep turning.

PSY CAMP 2012 WAS A BLAST.
Had awesome OGLs, awesome OG mates, awesome activities (although some quite violent lol)!

We were pretty much quite CHILL, but it was super fun cuz I thought the pacing of the activities were just nice. We weren't the competitive type (but somehow we're very pro, and we still don't know why, when we won in some of the games/cheers when we're just like.. chill~)

Met a crazy bunch of people. Hahahaha. I can't express how much fun this whole camp was and how close we felt through this camp. It's indescribable. I just had lots of fun.

There were 2 forfeits I had to do throughout this camp. Actually I 丑-ed 3 times, but yay, they only made me do two ._.

The first one was seriously cheesy.

It goes like this:

Me: What do you think is the weight of a polar bear?
Guy: ___ kg
Me: Wrong, can you make another guess?
Guy: ___ kg
Me: No. The weight is enough to break the ice between you and me.

It didn't go that smoothly at first cuz the guy didn't want to answer and the rest was like, "Just answer la!!" Hahahah. But still, OMG LOL........ And then now, I get disturbed and the guy's called Polar Bear while I'm the Ice.

Another forfeit I had to do was, together with another OG mate who had to do forfeit too, he had to teach me his dance that he was going to do for rag. Got a lot of butt shaking ._. I was damn stiff I can't dance for nuts. We were at the stage there and our OGL said using the mic "Hey everybody, there's a performance for you" LOL. Embarrassing like siao.

I remembered the first day, the first forfeit two of our OG mates had to do was the Seven Wonders. LOL. The girl and guy must be connected to 7 of each other's body parts throughout the forfeit. Uni forfeits are seriously on a different level ._. I almost kena the Seven Wonders too but luckily they decided on the dance although it was just as embarrassing.

Haha all the other forfeits were seriously funny. Had a good laugh.

I bunked with Emm for the 4D3N camp and in total we slept about 7 hours only ._. Not because we had a lot of activities/games at night, but we had htht sessions! It's super nice when everybody shared some stuff with each other and it didn't feel like we only know each other for that few days but we've known each other since forever.

On the last day, we wrote messages to each other and we had a sharing-of-thoughts session where we had to tie this ribbon that each one of us got to one another and then we shared our thoughts about the camp. It was very touching T.T And we then cut the strings and kept the knot.


Love STORM!! :D Hope we'll all keep in contact cuz they are really an awesome bunch <3

&the pages keep turning.

"Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working."

- Pablo Picasso

&the pages keep turning.

I don't know, I can't feel very happy these days.
I'm not having a hard time now but my friends are.

I attended my first wake in almost 10 years on Saturday.
I felt so dead receiving the news to attend it if possible and I couldn't help but just teared because I know how he is so so so so much of a family-loving person.

The news came to me as a shock. My friend never once told me that his father had a major illness. Previously when we met, he was still talking normally to his dad over the phone. And yes, it was all too shocking for him as well, because God just came to pick his dad up all of a sudden with no warning whatsoever at all.

And then, his dad won't be able to watch him POP.

I am very bad at comforting people. All I could do was just sit there and be present.

That night, was my last day at Serenity. We took lots of pictures together and yea, kinda sad to leave but I made that decision to, so no regrets, no regrets. We can always keep in contact through FB, meet up some day or go to the restaurant to eat.

Really many things happening to friends recently.

I am very very thankful that mine was over.
And now it's my turn to support those who need me.

Oh yesterday, it was raining when I was walking back home from the bus stop. I met really nice neighbours (coincidentally) who lent me their umbrella while the mother and daughter shared theirs. Touched T.T

I realise that I haven't posted anything emo the past weeks. What an achievement! But it's because I have been making decisions, testing out the kind of conclusion that will arise through my decisions. And yes, this is it.

I've put a lot of thoughts at the back of my head recently and I have no desire to revive it. I have let go of many issues. I have let go. Honestly, I didn't think I'll get over it this soon, but I am still happy that I am able to.

And I agreed with myself that I'll accept any negative feelings that I have because I'm only human and therefore I will have emotions and there is no need for me to feel frustrated with myself just because I feel some sort of negative sentiments like jealousy, selfishness etc. All I need to do is make it conscious, shower it with some love and care so that these negative emotions will not manifest. I'm neither a saint, nor I can be one. And I won't try to be.

My mind is not clear of thoughts. They're just there, but I've come into terms with them.

"Things will get better, it always does."

&the pages keep turning.