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Enjoy your stay here,
&hope something would inspire you.
Keep everything that's here just between you and me okay ;)
Sunday 26 October 2014
@22:50
Sometimes I wish I'd have less feelings.
Quite a dilemma. I want to empathise, but I also want to have less feelings.
I wish there was a switch on/off buttons for feelings.
For me to dissociate from those feelings.
Sometimes I think I'm the only one feeling this way, and I get sad, really sad. Because I feel like I'm in the wrong and that I'm not supposed to feel the way I'm feeling.
Sometimes I think I'm the only one who's dependent.
Sometimes I think I'm the only one who's needy.
Sometimes I think I'm the only one missing you.
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Distractions distractions. My thoughts are distracting me.
&the pages keep turning.
Thursday 23 October 2014
@21:07
D: D: D: D: D: D:
The distance is killing me.
Just one of those daysssss.
STAHPPPPPPP.
I should stop.
I should really stop.
&the pages keep turning.
Wednesday 22 October 2014
@16:10
&the pages keep turning.
@13:57
Eating my yummy macarons~
&the pages keep turning.
@11:26
Yesterday was such bad night for me.
Of course not totally everything was bad, but there were fleeting moments of bad. Okay maybe slightly more than fleeting. But anyway, overall, our last meeting went pretty well and I'm very thankful for it :)
Some told me that the meetings were good, and that it doesn't feel like a chore to come for meeting, and might have looked forward to it a little! I'm quite sure not everyone thinks this way, but I'm glad that some do ^^
Anyway, what made the bad moments was because of me, myself and I.
I get very angsty when I hear people saying that they can't do this, can't do that because they have a lot of commitments + studies + projects + ..... etc. Then, my advice is, you shouldn't have joined in the first place. Or you get your shit together.
I would prefer people to do the latter of course, because it's too late for the former if you are actually a responsible person. Quitting is not being responsible to the team. If you don't know what's being responsible, then go back to primary school and don't ever grow up.
And also, thinking of it positively, I think that when you look back at this time, when you had to work like cow and horse, you might actually appreciate that you had managed to get through it, come out of it stronger and it becomes like a kind of hope and courage? That nothing can bring you down in the future because you survived through the time with most stress. And it's gonna be worth it to do your best now and learn to juggle/balance everything.
Or alternatively, you just have to learn to let go of something else.
Or alternatively, you start working on things earlier (when you're less busy), and then you can totally focus on your studies when the time calls for it. There is always time for anything is you're willing to put your heart into finding the time.
What I really dislike is when people make major decisions without thinking of consequences. These consequences actually affect others and I think it is SELFISH of you if your flawed decisions are affecting someone so negatively, like causing unnecessary stress to others. Do you think it's actually fair for you to say "I have too many things at hand, I am not gonna touch this." Okay I'm sure nobody will say that they cannot do something so explicitly, but perhaps through escaping or whatever means. And then eventually, because everything has to move forward, someone else who's as busy as you or even busier has to do your shit. I would think backing up each other when necessary, letting each other know of your schedules is teamwork and communication, but I think helping each other out, sharing the workload is also very important. Afterall we're students, we all have studies, projects, assignments to do as well.
What I also dislike is when people blame their circumstances. Things don't always go in the way we want and I think there's really no point blaming and whining over circumstances, because nothing will change. NOTHING WILL CHANGE, UNLESS YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK OF THESE CIRCUMSTANCES. Work around circumstances and don't get trapped in the ruminative thinking.
But yea, I do know that sometimes it's easier said than done.
I think at the end of this, who I'm most angst with is myself.
I wish I could have empathised more. I lack the capability of empathising better. I sometimes think I might have problems with working with people who have drastic difference with me in terms of cognition. I don't deserve to be called the motherly figure of Hak. Because I think sometimes my heart is dark and lack of empathy.
I think there's so much for me to learn through this OCSP journey. Like how I should embrace differences which makes all of us so unique in our own ways, in both pleasant and unpleasant ways.
I also feel responsible for causing unnecessary stress to the other members because of our maybe-not-so-good-decisions.
Just feel quite emo about all these things. I wish I'm better.
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19 October 2014
Hak peeps came over to my house for BBQ!
I'm uber thankful for the weather especially :)
The weather forecast forecasted that there might be rain at 3pm and 8pm that day. But I was so so so glad that it didn't rain (no thunderstorm)! It did drizzle for a little while though, but the BBQ just continued!
Our lovely Hak 14 members! ^^
Anyway, I think I really like having people come over to my condo! Mmmm, my aunt doesn't like people to come to our house, so I haven't really invited anyone to my house before. But downstairs is fine. Like BBQ, swimming, badminton, table tennis etc. I think I might have found something new that I like! Hosting people! HAHA. I find joy in hosting others :)
Honestly I didn't feel that tired after the BBQ! Because everyone helped out with the clearing up and everyone was cooperative la! :D So I was thankful and happy that everything went well!
Hope people will come over more! :D
&the pages keep turning.
Saturday 4 October 2014
@14:08
☑ Another box checked on my bucket list! Omg. Honestly I never would have dreamt of staying at MBS or even swimming at infinity pool ∞.
YO! ☀
And my phone's awesome for being able to take underwater pictures (and I know I look retarded here LOL!)! ♥
The view from the pool! With the haze and stuff. HAHA.
WJ left earlier and JQ didn't want to swim! So it's just us :)
The mandatory poseeee.
I really think this picture is cool. HAHA!
The night view from the suite :O
All thanks to the beautiful birthday girl :)
Anyway I just feel blessed to be able to still keep in touch with so many amazing primary school friends. Whether it's as a group or individually, I think I really enjoyed my primary school life and it's all thanks to this amazing bunch. The people whom I can still talk to comfortably, even about sensitive topics, laugh at each other over retarded stuffs etc etc. Yea, we're still doing these even after 10 over years (@gingertreat I won't forget that you laughed at me buying lip balm!!). I notice that the kinds of topics we talk about change as we grow up too! It's really amusing I think! HAHA.
And whoa, I've known them for more than half of my life!! Cheers to many more years of friendship!
Anyanywayyzz, I stayed over at Jerrie & Emm's room on Thursday night! HAHA just a little break from the mid terms. We decided to record covers! HEHE I do think it's not bad. So here's one video of my favourite recording ^^ Pardon the mistakes :x
It was quite a crazy night though. HAHA. We slept at 4 plus that night and I had an 8am mini test the next day. The funny thing was I was still quite high from the singing and I had difficulty falling asleep at 4plus. And I didn't sleep well cuz somehow I kept telling myself, "I need to wake up, the sun is already out!", but actually it was still too early to wake up (I set my alarm at 7.23am and it hasn't rung when I kept waking up)
I was quite okay from morning to afternoon. And I had a pretty happy morning! I did well for Thai listening compre (which was totally unexpected) and the test went well too! I met Therese after class to settle some Hak funding stuff and it was such a good news that I didn't have to write a formal letter to her to get cash advancement! (The format that she wants for formal letter is honestly quite a pain in the ass :O) And then I happen to meet Sylvester at YIH Starbucks and we decided to lunch together! Glad that I made friends with him and it's through Wen Yi that I knew him.
He's someone who's very easy to talk to! I also think he's really helpful. When I missed lectures (or part of), he'd lend me his notes to let me copy. He's very understanding uh. And he was leader for Project MX'13 too so I've been hearing his leadership stories since last sem when he was still leading. So along the way, he gave me tips and he shared with me his experiences as a leader. So I feel thankful that I have a friend whom I can rant about the journey of leading an OCSP cuz he'd understand how I totally feel. Haha!
Project meeting in the afternoon was fine too. Our group members are pretty bubbly and talkative. It helped me stay more awake! HAHAHHA.
Towards the end of the day, I felt ultra groggy cuz the lack of sleep finally sunk in. But glad that I managed to survive the 3 hour lecture somehow and I'm once again thankful that Jolene's mum sent the few of us home. If not I think I'll die on my way home in public transport man..
It was a fairly great day yesterday ^^
Oh and I am never gonna let myself sleep only 2-3 hours during the semester anymore T.T I did this twice in this week cuz for Jelene's party, I only slept at 7am and woke up at 9.30am....!! HAHA. I REALLY NEED MY SLEEP.
And yay! Finally the weekend is here. And a long weekend this time.
I'm having a good rest now~
Today's also my dearest Ni Yi's birthday! So here's wishing him a very very very happy and holy birthday! (Oh it's the holiest day of the year for Israelis today!) I am very thankful that somehow our stars aligned and that we could meet and become lovers (?) eventually. The amount of joy he brings to my life is exploding. Haha. Really. He's always understanding towards me, standing by me all the time, 没有嫌弃我, listening to my rants, giving me a lot of emotional support......... many many more. Even though we're miles apart, I could still feel his love and warmth la.
Oh sumpah, we just happen to be wearing the same shirt that day. Totally unplanned. We're not cheesy ok! HAHAHAH.
Hahahhahaha.
There's just so many to be thankful for these days :) Hope I didn't bore you out (if there are even any readers hahahha)!
&the pages keep turning.
Wednesday 1 October 2014
@21:05
Look who's sleeping away soundly~? ♥
HAHA I can actually hear his breathing while he sleeps
♥♥♥
&the pages keep turning.
