HAPPY LEAP DAY! ^^

Today, went out to watch movie and slack with Cass, Jaime, Jia Hong, Lim Pin, Teck Yan and Zuhair. Haha I only asked the unemployed (lol) people. And yes, sorry, I'm quite fail as an organiser -_- Cuz after the movie, I had no plans or whatsoever ._. We ended up at Lim Pin's house to snack and play cards.

&the pages keep turning.

Haha today's a great day man! Oh except the fact that I spent a bomb today on various things for work, everyday use etc. -_- I haven't even start working and my saving's getting drain like that.

Me went to the salon today.
I love how the red shows under sunlight! It's so scary that it's damn awesome (Y)
And now I know why you like red hair :)
I've got it now! Hahahaha.

Okay, over. Lol.

I'm kinda looking forward to work, a bit :)
Excited about the things I'm gonna do, excited about the clothes I'm wearing, excited about the new people I'll meet, excited about my new environment. Oh and most importantly, excited about the money I'm gonna earn!! $_$ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

A few more days of freedom only.

&the pages keep turning.

It's gonna be the end of Monday soon. Time flies man.

Yesterday, Youth gave me the heartwarming feeling :)
During the time for intercessory prayers during Youth, one of the prayer requests was to pray for those receiving A level results. Michael then asks us who is going to receive results and I was the only one who raised up my hand. So at that time, it was like everyone was praying for me. Omg. Felt really really really really really really really really really really really touched and blessed T.T

Today, went down to the office to sign my contract. I was late -_- But the person didn't even realise that I was late. Lol at least my 2nd impression wasn't destroyed. The signing of contract only took a few seconds -_- There wasn't much to read in the contract. Sigh. So which means, not much benefits for me as a staff (lol) I then headed to the National Library to read and time just passed like that!

Then met Maddie for lunchie at Raffles City! Hehe. We had Korean food at Bibigo. It's a restaurant that I have always wanted to try! Food quite expensive though :x But it was an uber healthy meal. We both ordered the bibigo rice and it was filled with veggies (Y)

After that, went back to Bugis again and did some shopping for office wear. Bought quite a lot of stuff. Haha I especially liked the blazer. Cuz anything informal worn with a blazer will look more formal (or casual smart), just right for work :D Awesomie. HAHA!

I love shopping alone :)

&the pages keep turning.

Yesterday I had one of the most interesting nights. Hahaha.
I was at a bar, attending Charmain's brother's 21st birthday party. It was a.. Posh bar @reddot and not those rowdy rowdy one. But it was filled with her parents' and brother's friends (total about 30 people), which leaves 2 of us, awkward at one of the seats. HAHA. It was suppppeeeeer awkward when I just came ._. And probably before I came, Charmain was feeling even more awkward.

Charmain is like someone whom I can talk to about very personal stuff also. A really great listener! And when we come together, we're as usual talking about our lives ._. LOL got a lot of things to say and it never ends also. Hahahaha.
There was polaroid taking by her brother's girlfriend.
Interesting to me cuz she actually made props. Lol.

Charmain and me had one cup each of Vodka and Gin. I have always wanted to try Vodka. LOL ._. And when I checked the alcohol content later in the night, omgzxz, at least 37.5% alcohol content. That's damn sick. LOLOL. I finished the 2 cups and I as usual la, my face turned red really fast. Charmain drank half a cup of each drink and she started feeling dizzy.

And oops, awhile later she couldn't take it anymore, when she stood up, she felt nauseated and threw up. Argh, poor girl. Lol. The staff there is really quick. They quickly cleaned up whatever stuff there. lol. Probably many many people threw up before. Her dad said that it might have been caused by mixing drinks. Since we drank Vodka first, then Gin afterwards.

So you people out there who wants to drink, don't mix drinks!! Just in case. HAHAHA.

Then we just sat outside the bar to breathe in some fresh air. The air wasn't really fresh uh -_- There were people smoking and all that. Then Charmain's mum asked me to wait to drive me home at late 11 plus. I was supposed to leave much earlier but since Charmain wasn't feeling well also.. So I just stayed. Hope she'll be fine soon.

I'm still curious how much alcohol I can drink before I throw up or get drunk. Lol. Charmain keeps saying I'm a good drinker. Haha! I hope I am. But anyways, after this incident, I think I don't want to test that anymore. Omg. Quite scary and it puts stress on your body also :/ Bad bad bad.

Then this morning, I woke up feeling fine.
But a bit lazy to get out of bed. Hangover? LOL not counted right.

Overall, it was a cool and interesting experience for me! ._.

Cass and I had guitar lessons before that and yesterday's lesson was.. Okay? Haha and as usual, the teacher was being lame on his own and probably all of the students just can't help it but laugh in their heads and be amused. Hahahaha. Looking forward to next week's. I wonder what kind of difficult assignment we're having! :D :D

&the pages keep turning.

Yesterday was simply great. Like really really really great :D

Met Cheryl in the afternoon to watch movie at Lido. She badly wanted to watch the Louis Khoo show: Romancing in Thin Air. That girl. Super obsessed with him. HAHAHA! But anyways, towards the end it was touching! I kinda like how it ended!! :D Overall the movie was okay! And lol, even though we graduated from JC already, we still can get student price. Just show our Ez-link card and they didn't even bother checking the year and whatnot. Yay. 6 bucks :D

After that, met my not-so-secret lover at Raffles Place. Damn epic. We were supposed to take the shuttle bus at Orchard and I just came from Orchard (Lido). I thought the shuttle bus waiting place was in Raffles Place. Nyahaha. Stupid me la.

Anyway, we met, and when we got down the escalator, the train towards Jurong East was leaving. I rushed into the train and the train closed its doors on my lover. OMGZXASDFGHX how could they do that right? But it was epic. Then we met at City Hall. Hahahahhaha.

The shuttle bus ride to Night Safari took an hour or so. We finally reached Night Safari, bought tickets and had dinner. The awesome thing was that Maddie found this 1 for 1 coupon online and we could use it to buy our tickets. It actually costs $32 per person, but now we only pay $16! Hehe. Good deal man.

Surprisingly, in 3.5 hours, we actually manage to finish walking/tram-ing the whole Night Safari. We're cool right. HAHA! Oh.. It was just a pity that we couldn't watch the Creatures of the Night show :( We missed the last show. The walking around part sometimes felt a bit rushed because I was supposed to leave at 10pm (this was something I felt really sorry about, because we're supposed to enjoy ourselves and not rush rush rush D: ) because my aunt told me my dad's coming back yesterday night. BUT YA KNOW WHAT? HE DIDN'T -_- It made me scared the whole night. Like wts la. Tsk.

The Slow Lorris is freakin' cute!! :D I could recognise Babirusa (pig + deer like) also! Oh and I like it when animals stare right into our eyes. Nyahahah! Like tigers or the other cat family members, when they just look straight into blank space or something, they look damn charming. Omgzxzx!! Oh I remembered there was this animal which had good sense of hearing. I think it's the bat-eared fox. Then Maddie and I whistled a bit and it turned to us immediately. LOL pretty cool.

And we managed to see the Eagle Owl! HAHA Maddie was really eager about seeing the owl and there it was, standing in the middle of a long branch, right in the centre of the enclosure. And it seemed like it can turn its head 360 degrees as it looked left and right (Y)

We also entered the flying squirrels and bats enclosure. Oolala. I like the creepy feeling even though I was bit scared ._. Cuz it was dark and the bats were all flying around. Lol I need some thrill! And there was this Naracoorte Cave, uhm, quite interesting, but it's man-made so it felt a bit fake. Hahahaha.

There was this part of the Safari that couldn't be accessed by walking, so we were on the tram. The ride was a quick one and we got to see over 10 animals. The air was really fresh as we tram-ed through the rainforests (Y) But a bit boring to sit down and stare though. Haha but I liked the tram ride guide. Her explanation was good! :D

Oh, the staff were really friendly and helpful! And everywhere we see them, the next question we'll ask is "How much are they paid?" HAHHAHAHA. We're at that age man. $_$

Then another bus ride to the Grand Hyatt Hotel before we cabbed home.. During the bus ride, it was Charlie's time. Lol! ._. I'm not feeling sad, sad anymore. But it's just expected. Should I expect the unexpected now? HAHA. And on the cab ride, we talked a lot of crap about life again. Hahahahahaha! It's like a never ending topic :D

What an awesome day :)

The next visit, to the Jurong Bird Park? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I hope my dad won't be back tonight -_-
I'm going to a birthday party at a bar at Tanjong Pagar. Sigh. What time will I reach home?!

&the pages keep turning.

Good morning everybody! (Like who is reading this now..!)

Wheehee :D Today's gonna be a super awesome day (like I said yesterday!) Movie + Night Safari! How awesome is that right? :D The next post will probably be tomorrow? Hehe. But omg. My dad's coming back, probably in the afternoon. Man.. I don't know how to tell him I'm reaching home later :/ Wish me good luck.

Yesterday night, as usual, haha, it's those nights that I'll start thinking of rubbish in bed as a continuation to my emo day.  So it was an emo night. LOL!

Suddenly, I thought, "What if someone wants to end a friendship with me?" cuz.. I'm not trying hard enough, not taking initiatives, not trusting them etc etc? Hmm.. :( Now I recall, I lost that relationship because I wasn't trusting enough. I didn't trust you, I didn't trust myself. Wow.

I've gotten this link from Cheryl's blog about losing a friendship.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/losing-a-best-friend/

This article is good, I felt that it describes so well, the feeling of losing a bestfriend. That's just so pathetic how I can relate to it so well ):

But still, I must say that I've had a lucky life. I've met really great people. Since primary school, I've made lots of good friends and I'm very thankful for that. I'm lucky that whichever school I attended, I would meet people whom I know, not having to leave my comfort zone all the time. Even if I don't, people make friends with me even though I'm like that, you know, like that. -_- I know I'm not nice lol.

But sometimes, there are people whom I talk a lot to, but I don't feel this sense of attachment. Like something's missing. Really really missing. What is this awkward feeling? :/ Makes me feel very insecure :/ Then all the losing friendship thoughts comes in all over again..

However, there are those whom I talk little to, but somehow, when we do, it's a nice feeling of trust and all that :)

Maybe somebody, somewhere, reading this post is thinking, "Wtf is wrong with this girl? She's the one who's not giving me that sense of attachment when we talk." Maybe. Just maybe. I need to open up more. And I hate how I take so long to open up.

Anyway, those are just thoughts from yesterday.
I'm all cheered up today! :D Smiley again!

Then yesterday on Twitter, I posted "It makes me wanna smile when someone initiates an sms with me :D" because somebody text-ed me at that point in time, and you know what, the next moment, Cheryl sms-ed me. HAHAHA She's uber sweet right ;D

Oh my phone bill came today. LOL. Sending "♥" in smses is an MMS. Omg. And for the previous month, I sent that out a lot. LOL ._. But I didn't know it was an MMS until I sent the messages out, and my friends replied saying that they couldn't see the message cuz it was an MMS. Ooops.

Such great heights

&the pages keep turning.

Slightly disappointed today.
I didn't receive any calls or emails from my interviewer. She said she'll tell me today. But, sigh. No news on whether I got the job, or I didn't get the job. I don't like the feeling of being left hanging. I hope I'll get a call tomorrow? Hmm..

Today I feel slightly emo. Not really emo - sad, but emo - just emotional. Thinking about friendships. Honestly I'm not confident in keeping friendships. If you leave my life, I'll feel bitter for awhile, but when I see that you have moved on with your life, I'll just move on with mine sooner or later.

I guess I suddenly thought about this friendship thing cuz today we sent Han Ren off. Haha it was just TY, Zuhair and me though. The unemployed (lol) people. Since the rest have their own plans or work. This "army" thing has made me feel awkward sometimes when I think of how we can maintain friendships without talking much.

It's probably possible. But I'm just not sure how. And I'm feeling slightly insecure about it.


I'll do my best in maintaining friendships, but if they choose to leave my life, I think.. I'll just give up. I've had friends who were once my bestest/good friend, then slowly becoming a normal friend, becoming merely acquaintances, becoming someone I stopped talking to. I'm sure everyone has encountered such things before and we've learnt from it. I've learnt to deal with it too. I'll never forget the things that my violin classmate shared with me about people moving on with their lives, and so we just have to move on as well.

Also, I'm not confident at all about this friendship thing. I can provide a listening ear.. But maybe that's all I can do. I don't think I can be a good friend. I think I fail to understand people thoroughly..

I'll just emo today. And tomorrow I'll be normal again. HAHAHA.

Anyways, I'm sure tomorrow will be a super awesome day! Looking forward to it! ^^
A night with my not-so-secret-lover ♥

&the pages keep turning.

Hmm, I'm trying to understand this line. Someone please enlighten me!

&the pages keep turning.

I saw this on FB! Ain't this suwweeeet? :D

Lol anyways, today I went for a REAL job interview.
It's my first serious job interview! I remember last time for Ajisen was like they ask you to fill up application form and there, I got my job. LOL. But this time, gotta bring all your academic qualifications, testimonials etc, and the interviewer asks many questions about myself, what kind of person I am, what I expect from the job, how my working style is etc etc. Lol stress sia.

The interviewer response was a good one. But maybe giving me false hopes only -_-
Lol I shan't pin too much hopes in it. I don't wanna get disappointed that much.

Haha but I still hope it'll be good news for me tomorrow la.

I'm unemployed for seriously too long..!

But if I get the job, I think it'll be quite scary leh. I'll be working under the interviewer as her assistant. So in the office, it'll be just the two of us. STRESSSSSSS. Lol. And she seemed like a super direct person ._.

Still, good luck to me. I really hope to get the job.

I'm worried about something now :/ I heard from my aunt that my dad's coming back on the 24th. Crap, on the 24th and 25th, I'll be reaching home late :/ Shit. I think I'm gonna get locked out of the house already la (even though I recently damn guai, I don't reach home late or go out much), since my parents were angry with me previously and just nice my dad come back to Singapore, I'm going to reach home late again.

Hope I won't get locked out or get scolded :(

You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now

&the pages keep turning.

Today's another simple day. And time just passes by like that :)

Early afternoon, I was trying out on various dresses to get ready for Friday and Saturday. About 3-4 of them to see which is more suitable. I'm still in a dilemma. I really don't know which to wear :/ Haha when the time comes, then I'll blog about what I'm doing on those two days! ;) So I was just camwhoring lor. LOL. I look weiiiirrrrrrddddd. But still, I'm satisfied with those dresses that I bought (just that I never wear them before -_- No appropriate time or occasion to)

Anyways, in the afternoon, I met Cedric at Starbucks to help him with Math. LOL. Long time no see this Ajisen ex-colleague! :D His poly integration even harder than our JC stuff la -_- Some of the questions were...... like wtf? And then, I realise he's younger than me. LOL his year 2 stuff even harder than our J2 stuff -_- LOL. Epic fail.

Then he showed me his Physics notes also. Like wtf (again)? LOL.

Oh then halfway when we were doing questions, one of the waitresses chased us out and so we ended up at TP canteen. It's the first time I entered TP! I didn't go to their open house previously. I only went for SP and NAP's. Hahaha. Then he wanted to show me their library and in the end I can't go in -_- Since I'm not a student there. But omgzxzxzxz, TP environment is damn nice.

Lol there was something which was funny. I think it's the way he said it. HAHAHA made me laugh like shit. I was asking him about school rules and what they cannot wear etc.

C: We're actually not supposed to wear slippers to labs.
Me: Labs dangerous what. Chemicals spill and all that.
C: All those lab I can understand, but... The COMputer lab? WTF?! The mouse very dangerous?

He was seriously putting emphasis on COM like an ahbeng. HAHAHAHA. It's definitely the way he said it la. When I write it here, no effect. LOL!

Then I was trying to solve one of the integration questions. He was sitting opposite me and he sort of blocked off the evening rays. Then I do do do and suddenly exclaimed, "Omg I see the light!". After that he kept moving left and right to make sure the evening rays were shone onto me. HAHA literally "see the light" Super lame la!

Left TP at about 6plus and yep, I'm at home again :) Rotting. Haha.

PLEASE LET ME GET A JOB SOON. PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE? :(

&the pages keep turning.

I had an uber awesome day with Jorene today! Although we only met for a few hours, but it totally made my day :D We had Ajisen Ramen :D Lol today 50% off :D It's the last 50% I can get before my card expires. Unless I renew the card la! Haha.

It was just a simple yet awesome day. 

At Ajisen, Neilson as usual keep disturbing me. Lol. And Lanie. Omgzz pregnant already! Super cool, 8 months. Hahaha and she lied to me about not getting married last time ._. Oh and we witness a customer who ran away without footing his bill :/ Bad customer :/

Then I asked her what she's doing for tomorrow and she just said it's another normal day and her family just eat dinner lor. And no cake and stuff. I remembered the first year when I had no cake at home, which was Sec 4, I was super sad la. I always feel like on birthdays, there should be cake to make it feel like a real birthday and not just any other day.

Hahaha I'm still childish at heart. Still want cake even at this age.

Anyways, Sec 4 was one of the best birthdays I ever had! Jorene baked me a cheese cake. I didn't even know there was a mini celebration for me by my beloved classmates and I was super surprised when the lights were switched off and my classmates came in with the cake that Jorene baked while singing a birthday song. And I just burst into tears. Hahaha. Super touched!!

And then there was Sec 2, my clique of friends try to make it into an amazing race for me and I had to go around the school getting hints on where I should go for my final destination. And in the end, I party pooper la. I saw my friends running around and I followed them before I finish picking up all the clues and reached the canteen and there was cake from Jorene again! HAHAHA.

And then last year, Wenxiu baked me a cake at Joshua's house. HAHHAHA wonder how she got close with Joshua's mum but I think it's pretty cool! :D I'm really lucky my whole life. I've got such awesome awesome awesome friends :D

Anyways, yayness, I've fulfilled my wish of celebrating a birthday for a friend. Thanks Jorene! And she was surprised about the cake and birthday song. Hahaha. I have always wanted to do this! But the cakes were 2 small ones cuz I was afraid that two of us cannot finish a bigger one ._.

Then last time, got this person party pooper sia. I wanted to celebrate for this person but the reply I received was "I don't believe in surprises. And I don't really like cakes." LOL TYVM -_-


Oh and after our lunch/dinner at Ajisen, we just walked around TM and see see lo. Oh, we got to Cotton On and I bought 2 bracelets! Hahaha love it :D

Then we parted ways.. And until we meet again :)

My not-so-secret-lover just reminded me: Marshmallow and Charlie. BIG LOL.

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down.

&the pages keep turning.

Today's a great day!

&the pages keep turning.

I really like my blog songs. Especially Dare To Believe :D

Me growing fatter now.
All I've been doing recently is stay at home to watch shows. I've started catching up with TBBT again :) Made me laugh a lot today. What an awesome show :D

Then in the evening, met Cass to go for guitar lessons. Hahahaha I guess first lessons are always pretty lame, learning about the different parts of the instrument, learning how to hold the instrument properly. But I really didn't know the correct way to hold the guitar!! :x Ooops. I'm glad I learnt something.

The teacher was a bit peculiar. But could tell that he's really passionate about the instrument. Hahaha the lesson was unbelievably awkward. He was doing all the talking and laughing on his own (whenever he said something he thought was funny) while the rest of us was probably just laughing in our heads at him laughing at himself. Hurhur.

I'm looking forward to the next few lessons. HAHA I really wonder what we'll be learning! :D

Anyways, have been a little emo since last night. I guess it was on the impulse that I get upset with this person and felt annoyed with myself, for being petty. I'm really petty. I dislike myself like that, taking things too seriously when a lot of them were just jokes and teases.

Then I will move on to thinking of giving up friendships -_- I'm so bad right.
All on an impulse. Now that I have calmed down, I start to think, "Am I stupid or what?" -_- But yes, I am really stupid.


But I don't think I need to make a choice here right? Choice about what I should let go to gain something else, or choice to retain some things and not gain anything more.

Nevermind..! As much as possible, as soon as possible, I want to forget about all these.

If you dare to believe in life.

&the pages keep turning.

I've been surprisingly honest recently. About my feelings and all that.
Maybe because I want to be judged.
Anyways, I think I don't deserve to be unhappy, nobody deserves to. You keep saying things that upset me a little. So I should be like Taylor Swift's "Speak Now". And I'll say everything, until I grow tired one day.

And I don't think I can keep up with my noble front.

You should return to where you ought to be.

&the pages keep turning.

What a joke today. Hahaha. I got excited about a I-thought-it-was-a-job interview.

A:
aiya i just said dont think so much and good night. plus i added something like "if talking to her makes you feel happy then why would you want to stop it. at least you feel happiness from time to time."
LOL and then I feel like I'm talking to myself HAHAHA


B:
u happy not?
wa..
so what's ur answer?


A:
im happy that he's confiding abit to me. but disappointed that he 's not confiding entirely. but i guess that takes time.
but obviously i'm not happy lah.
how can you be happy knowing that the guy you like is feeling sad because of the girl he likes.


B:
then still talk so much to him..
ya la true
but dont think so big picture

A:
idk. at this point in time, i realise i just want to be there for him lo. even if he finds someone else and ends up happily ever after, i guess i'd find my happily ever after also, just not with him.

Somehow I don't understand why my life has to be one big ironic noble act. Why do I always have to be that girl who has to listen to all the other girls that the guy I like like. And why do I always have to be noble and be willing to be there for them, despite knowing that they will never see me the way they see the girls that they like.

That I try so hard for them, when they're trying hard for the other girls.

But yet I still just keep pushing on, willing to wait and be patient. Believing that time will tell and that as long as I'm there for him he will not feel alone and that's all I'm contented with. That this unrequited love I have is how noble and how sacrificial.

Maybe I just like acting like this magnanimous good-hearted girl.

Totally how I'm feeling. When I saw this, I couldn't believe how much I could relate to it. But anyway, there's no time for jealousy and whatnot here. I'm just glad I could be there to hear things out. That's enough for me.

I know I can't ask for more.

Well, even though I'm not exactly happy now, but after reading this book, I think I can be truly happy, someday. Hahahaha. It looks a bit kiddy, but it's about the things we can do everyday to brighten up our life. And I am already doing some of them. So I feel that I can, and I will be truly happy :)

Life's little miracles,

&the pages keep turning.

Yesterday was quite an awesome day! :D
Spent my afternoon with Charmain and Vanessa, lunch-ing at Ichiban Boshi at PP. Haha PP's like TKGS playground. And I'm glad Vanessa liked the chocolate I made. I was damn paiseh about her eating on the spot because I thought the chocs didn't look nice ._. Lol. Happy belated Valentine's. And then we walked around PP to find present for their friend whom they were going to meet.

After that, we headed for TJ and we parted ways. While Vanessa and Charmain went to meet another friend, I went to visit my chamber juniors. And just nice it was the J1 auditions!! Omg. I get to hear my favourite pieces like Beethoven Spring and Salut D'Amor. Beethoven Spring was totally heart melting!! LOLOL. Played by ex-tkgian from Strings and she was the concert mistress there. And now she's joining Chamber in TJ. Lol we're gonna have many pro people this year as well. Only our year noob ._.

But so happy to meet my juniors again :D


Then I thought we could eat dinner together. But in the end, everyone had to go home :( Left Ming Xuan and me to have dinner opposite our school and then we headed home. Sad, I was kinda looking forward to having dinner with my juniors eh :(

I'm looking forward to going for Chamber concert this year! ^^

Sigh, no replies from any companies yet. But I think I know why. Lol. What I don't want to do is too much, and my expectations are too high maybe -_- I should stop being so picky right if not I'm going to be a NEET -_- Zzzzzz.

Today's kind of a boring day :/ Maybe I should start my dayzero to read 100 non-fiction books and head to the library to borrow some later..! I've got 12 books written in my to-read list :x I hope I'll start reading diligently.

Anyways, today I did something stupid. Haha. Kinda regret it a little. And I'm a little sad. Heh. I cut a convo. I made an ending statement. It wasn't even a statement. Lol. I wasn't angry/pissed/vexed or whatever, I just felt like giving that kind of reply.

I'm a bit tired of those little teasings? I guess so.

But I didn't want our conversations to end.
Too late. I just ended it :(

Always and never forever.

&the pages keep turning.

New blog songs!
Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy and Dare To Believe by Boyce Avenue :)
Enjooyyyyyy. Not sure if it's to your liking, but definitely to mine. Hahaha :D

&the pages keep turning.

Ohyea! Today's Valentine's Day, I feel like doing a little sharing. Hehe.

I remembered the few occasions when I was shopping with CousinP in Medan, in Genting etc. Then he'll always ask me to see him try on the clothes he chooses and then make me give comments after that. Haha and sometimes it makes me feel weird, cuz at the back of my head, I'd be thinking about "looking at clothes together with a guy is reserved for boyfriend". Lol. That's for me. Hahaha.

And I always have this "policy". I will never buy clothes for a guy unless he's my boyfriend.
I don't know why! But it has always been like that. Hahahaha.
Well, maybe I won't have any chances like that, since I might just be forever alone. Lol!

Happy Valentine's once again :)


Yahahaha. Ain't this picture sweet?
I wish I had someone I love leh.
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images.

&the pages keep turning.

Happy Valentine's Day!
Haha, well it's just another for me I guess?
I'm neither meeting any friends today nor I am attached. Anyways, I'm trying to be a good girl (or maybe a nerd) now, I shall stay at home as much as possible. Since I'm just gonna get scolded if I keep going out right. Just hope I get a job. Soon enough.

Lol I've been chanting about getting a job since don't know when. But I'm not getting any replies at the moment :( I need to be more serious about my job hunt.

I've been watching horror animes. Although I'm damn scared of horror, I just feel like watching. I feel like none of the other genres are making me scared or excited now. I need some thrill in my life. If not I can't live man. LOL! Yep, so I turned to horror :/ Yesterday night, I was watching Ghost Hunt and it was pretty freaky and creepy ._. Lol but I was too tired to be scared of the dark and whatnot, so I slept almost immediately when I lied on bed. Haha.

I think I've got some problems with my head sia.
I'm still tired even though I sleep 8-9 hours a day :(

I'm gonna go out later, buy chocolates to mould them and give them away as Valentine's gift :D Heehee, first time doing it! I tried it yesterday, but it didn't taste that good :/ Probably cuz I didn't melt the chocolate properly :/ Today must make it successful!! :x

I'm currently listening to Boyce Avenue's songs. Ahh, their songs are just ohsoawesome :D

My mum just called me and she talked to me really nicely which made me happy. I get affected a lot by my mum's emotions I guess. But she told me "Don't just keep quiet, if got anything tell your mum, we're mother and daughter." Along that line. It makes me happy that she cares about being motherly. Lol. But I know that it'll never succeed. Hahaha. Not when other things are more important to her than us.

Hope my dad's not too angry anymore..!

&the pages keep turning.

Yesterday was just one of those emo days.
Started off with my mum's call in the morning. I got scolded like shit for going out till very late, for being rude for not saying bye properly on Friday at the airport, for RM100 (which I didn't really understand why).

It's always those harsh words she uses, and it'll always make me think she's denying me, denying my existence, then threatening me to send me back to Indo, threatening to disown me.

There's 2 things I hope. Either I grow younger, back to childhood days where we don't need to understand a thing and we don't need to take responsibilities of our actions and words. Or lemme grow old, get away from this damned family. But since time can't turn back, I'll just hope I'll grow up quickly.

Maybe now I say all these, but maybe when I lose my loved ones, then I'll know how to appreciate them more.

It makes yesterday an emo day because it's one of those days where I think about dying. I'll think about letting myself get run down by some vehicle. And if I end up in a coma state at the hospital, I'll choose not to wake up forever. You know, in dramas when people get into accident and they're semi-conscious, if they had the willpower to wake up, they probably will. For me, I'll choose not to.

But still, I'm a bit scared of death.

Anyways, at church, the theme was Mars vs Venus. Haha a topic about love in conjunction with the upcoming Valentine's Day. The celebration of our love for our loved ones and God etc.

There was this sort of pick up line thing when the boyfriend asks his girlfriend which goes:
Question: What's the difference between me and the MRT?
Answer: The MRT stops at every stop. I only stop at your heart.

Hahahaha I totally get goosebumps when the pastor said it. HAHA!! So cheesy ._.

It was Valens birthday also. After Youth, there were food, cake and many of us stayed behind to eat and chit chat. Really nice talking to my church friends cuz we're all almost the same age and we could just share with each other stuff about school etc :)

Anyways, today I officially break the "going-out-everyday" streak. I've been going out every single day since 25nd Jan till 12th Feb. Hahaha, going out wayyyy too much, spent amounts wayyyy too much, get scolded wayyyy too much for reaching home late. Just hope I can get a job soon, to appease my parents also.

Oh and it's ironic how I don't like Ahyi so so so much, but when it comes to talking about my parents, I could just tell her everything about how I feel. Because she understands it a lot, she understands the kind of people my parents are, she understands me. But at best, she could only tell me to just study hard because ultimately, I'm gonna succeed for myself and not to please anyone and that I shouldn't think about all these because my parents are just different and I shouldn't be expecting much. It's so true.

On the way back from violin lesson, my violin classmate talked to me about her family also. Haha, we have such similar things to share. And it was quite embarrassing how I just burst into tears when we were talking halfway -_- And she was really sweet, trying to calm me down etc. This morning, she even sent me a message and it was heartwarming :)

Anyways, I'll definitely grow stronger and numb. I'm gonna move "family" into the "not-going-to-make-me-cry" list. One day I will succeed la.

Today I stumbled upon The Civil Wars. Their songs are pretty nice! :D A bit like Lady Antebellum, since both sing duets, but The Civil Wars' songs are even more acoustic. Try it if you're interested :)

&the pages keep turning.

Hello! Just got back from Genting trip yesterday.
Haha 4 days with my cousins is kinda cool :D

Characters:
Cousin1, CousinGF (Cousin1's girlfriend), CousinP (my childhood playmate)

When I reached LCCT on Tuesday, I was kinda lost at how to go to KLIA to meet my mum, her friends and my cousins. So I walked around looking confused but glad I managed to get to KLIA in the end (although very much later. Lol)  by a shuttle bus which costs RM2.50 per ride. When I reached KLIA, just nice, their plane just landed. But I waited for about 30minutes at the International Arrival there before I met them.

At first I thought they left me since there was actually no reason to come out from the immigration so late. But it turns out there were some problems with the stamping thingy. Lolol, thank God I get to meet them in the end.

It was my first time meeting my cousin's girlfriend. Haha she's really pretty! :D But at first quite awkward cuz I don't know her and she was super quiet at first also. Hahaha but as the day passes, we managed to talk well with each other :D

On the first day, it was more of settling down, walk around and some shopping. Oh, we also visited the Haunted House and Ripley's Believe It Or Not. LOLOLOL. You know what? I can't scream usually. My voice not high pitched enough to sound like a scream. Weird right? But the haunted house made me scream -_- There were 2 occasions when some guy popped out from somewhere and scared us. And I screamed. I was damn scared inside the haunted house even before we entered the place and outside, we could take picture with this werewolf thingy. Then suddenly it moved, I got a shock -_- LOLOL. But I really wanted to try entering a haunted house and so we did. Trying to conquer my fears here!! (But I think a bit fail. LOL)

In the haunted house, we lined up in a row: Cousin1, CousinGF, me and at the back CousinP. Haha girls should be protected in the middle :D All in all, I felt the haunted house not really worth the money leh. Although it did scare me a lot, but it didn't feel thrilling enough. Maybe I should be scared till I faint or something, maybe that's what I call worth it. LOL!

Ripley's Believe It Or Not was a pretty cool place to visit for visual experience :)

Day 2 was themepark plus more shopping and bowling. Unfortunately, the themepark part wasn't too fun for me. My cousins were not daring about taking roller coasters, plus we were all tired from the previous day's activities. In the middle of the day, the sun was really hot and they were tired, so we actually went back to the hotel to rest. Anyways, one ticket to the outdoor themepark is RM50 and Cousin1 and CousinGF only took 2 rides, CousinP took 3 rides and I took 4. It's totally not worth the money when we take so little rides :( I only took 2 roller coasters out of so many there.


Oh but I was kinda lucky :) I managed to get a ride on Cockscrew! It was at about 5.50+pm and it was the last ride already. And just nice we reached the themepark around that time, just nice for the last ride. Haha then my cousins waited for me outside the line while I sat on the roller coaster myself. And you know what? The ride has improved! The seats are more comfortable now. Hahaha the 360degrees didn't feel uncomfortable at all!


At night, we bowled. LOL. Fun!! Love bowling. Hahaha but bowl until my fourth finger ache. My scores: 90, 87, 112, 133, 98. Haha my peak at the 4th game when I started using the 9pounds ball. I have improved! I was damn happy to see 100+, cuz usually won't get so high. I'm not a beginner anymore but I'm definitely not pro either. Hope next time can bowl more :D My cousins are pro though! Cousin1 played for the first time, and on his 2nd game, he managed to get 133 points ._. CousinP bowls often enough, so he's good la.

On Day 3, it started off with Karaoke. Hahahaha I suck at singing. My cousins are good! It was fun anyways. After Karaoke, we went for more shopping. Lol somehow we can spend a long time shopping when there's only First World Plaza to shop at (mainly). At night, we played at the arcade. The guys love to play the basketball game.

They managed to get 490+ tickets. 490+ seem a lot right? But it can only exchange for RM12.50 worth of items -_- And please, 12.50 couldn't really get us many things at the Genting Rewards Gallery -_- After exchanging for one item, we went for a little shopping at a shop where they sell mannnnyyyy things. And then, time to check out! Waited for my mum and we got onto the taxi and made our way down from Genting Highlands to the airport. That was day 4.

At the airport, my mum was nagging at me about how much money I spent. Haha it's ironic how my aunt thinks that I bring too little money and my mum thinks I spent too much. I really need to start working. I no money liao T.T

And sometimes I feel like I'm demanding too much from my parents. Well, although they're all in my head and I don't request much or say much to them, but I'm too demanding in my head then. I should kill those thoughts.

Oh hotel room. Lol joke. There were 5 of us. And we all slept in one room. Naturally Cousin1 and CousinGF on one bed, my mum and me on another, and CousinP on the floor. LOL. My mum just being my mum. Stingy on booking more rooms. Lol. Can gamble, but doesn't spend on necessary stuff. Haha whatever.

Ohyea! We all each have tatoos. Hahaha either on our hands, arms or ankle. Heehee. The tattoos there were cheap, so we just buy buy for fun and put. Lol! I especially love mine. Can glow in the dark somemore! Hahahaha.


Yesterday night, I was out with Cass, Han Ren and Zuhair for a soccer match: Lions XII vs Negeri Sembilan. LOL I can't believe I'm actually watching sports ._. It was a really fun experience for me since I have never watched a live match before! HAHA I didn't expect myself to enjoy watching soccer this much. Plus the fans were totally (Y) The things they boo-ed at, shouted at, cheered at etc.. HAHAHAHA I had a great laugh I swear. And yay! Singapore win. 3-1. Hee :D I watched a good game. For Singapore to win is......... (Y) Hahahaha.

Oh and the night before yesterday, Friday night, Jorene actually came to find me. I was really surprised because it's usually me who disturbs her and go over to her house and pour my heart out. Lol! It feels nice when I feel like I'm needed and I'm able to listen. Anyways, now I finally understand what it means to open up. I guess it's only until recently that I can actually open up to someone almost fully. It feels good to be able to open up, telling someone about all your things without getting judged.

Needa get ready for church + lessons later liao :) Ciao~

Just a little short line can make my day

&the pages keep turning.

This trepidation when I reply your smses and you'd stop replying.
And maybe a little hopeful

Hello! I was too tired to blog last night.
I went to bed soon after I reached home and bathed.

I finally went to church and violin lesson after about 2 months. It felt a bit awkward for me since I haven't met my friends for a super long time. Hahaha but I know it's just me. Cuz everyone else did try to talk to me :)

What struck me was, "Character is more important than conduct". What motivates you to decide to go with something is more important than what you actually do. I wanna ask myself, am I doing things just for the sake of doing them and am I just trying to get over and done with them?

Then another thing was, "You shouldn't wear a mask. In that way you're not being true to yourself" But you know, sometimes it's hard being true to yourself. It takes courage to admit to someone you're not okay. It takes courage to show others your sadness. It takes courage to tell someone about it.

There's always this thing about being AA and all that.
Unless nobody judges you according to what you tell him/her.
That's life. And I don't really want to share much with people. I'd rather be the listener.

If nobody judges..

For violin lesson, I learnt a new exam piece. Haha. And fortunately, I could pick it up relatively quickly. But it sounded a bit weird for a ballad-sounding piece with all those slurs and weird sharps all over :/ I miss Grade 4 pieces :( Time passes really quickly during lessons anyways. Haha. It has been a long time since I last touched my violin. I didn't bring it back to Indo. I can totally feel the awkwardness in my fingers and bowing techniques. LOL ._.

Today, I woke up with 2-3 dreams. I only remembered 2 anyways. One was some action dream. Hahaha. I think I watch too much City Hunter last time. Another guy and I witness a killing in the dream and the killer chased after both of us to try to kill us off. The other guy had a gun shot in his arm if I remember correctly. I escaped into this narrow lane with hanging bamboo sticks with clothes by jumping down from the top of the building. There was all those gun shot sounds while the killer tried to aim at me. And in my head I kept thinking about how it feels to die. I was so scared that I quickly woke myself up. End of my dream. And I woke up panting. Hahahaha.

The 2nd dream was weirder. It left me thinking.
There was this unknown girl, somehow she had my phone and she helped me reply an sms to this person I think. Then one of the replies I received was "I dont want to see you change" - exactly in this way. And I woke up after that. What is it that I change? What should I retain? I keep telling myself I need to change myself, change my character and all that. Argh, this reply made me think too much. It's really weird :/

Question 26: Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Answer: I used to think that I'd rather not make any new memories than to lose all those in the past. Because there has been those downturns, but I won't forget and I don't want to forget those happy times I had. And wts, this question is damn tough.
But now I realise, I should throw all the old memories and make new ones instead. Because I could make my future better since the future is always uncertain. Many new happy memories might be made :) There's this saying "Don't wait for the perfect moment, make the moment perfect." And now if I need to choose, I will choose to lose all those old memories and create new ones and make the future even more perfect through my hands and utmost ability. Lol anyways, simple, just kill me now. I wouldn't have to worry about losing anything in the past and I wouldn't have to worry about making new ones. LOL!

You said it's easier 
Alone and undisturbed

&the pages keep turning.

The morning started off with Jorene smsing me that she dreamt of me, leaving a dinner table with her family in tears. Crying like mad, probably over that stuff. HAHA. But I was just shocked that she dreamt of me crying.

Today, out again. Haha. To TY's house this time!
Abi, Cass, Han Ren, Jaime, Lim Pin, Robert, Shameer, Zuhair and me present.

As usual, werewolf. HAHA. We drank quite a lot of alcohol. Mixed Barcadi and softdrinks/other drinks. Lol and my face as usual turned red really quickly. And today for a few rounds, I was the narrator. I quite fail :x I kept forgetting who was killed ._. But anyways, we played in a different way today. Since we only had these few people playing, we had more cards than people. So one round, there might not be any little girl, witch, hunter etc etc. You wouldn't know. Hahaha. Pretty cool la.

After leaving TY's house, Cass, Han Ren, Lim Pin, Zuhair and me went to East Point Banquet for dinner while the rest went home/O-night.  Talked a lot, as usual. Trying to expose Han Ren's secret and him playing mind games with us -_- And we ended off with shoot, shag, marry "quiz". HAHAHAHA. Epic shit.

Anyways, today I found out something. And it made me call Jorene. I've been disturbing her a lot recently with all my nonsense and I feel so thankful that she's just there for me.

What's the feeling of being "betrayed"? I always know that I don't trust a person 100% and so whatever I tell to someone, I know there will sure be a chance he/she will tell on me. I always thought I wouldn't mind someone telling on me. This isn't really betraying right. But this time, I feel quite disappointed. I know I shouldn't be so petty over such things because it was a long-time-ago issue, but I was just slightly disappointed. I least expect it from you.

A and B are best friends. I tell A my secret. And A tells B my secret. Wtf is this?

Or maybe I was just jealous? I don't know. And I don't want to find out my feelings.

Maybe this might give me a reason to let go.
But no, I don't want and I will not be this petty.


Cheer up.
I will.

&the pages keep turning.

I had a fun time shopping with Charmain at Orchard today :)
I bought this dress which I will never expect myself to wear ._. But I shall start changing my boring fashion sense? Haha. And I've got a scarf. Now I'm excited for the Genting trip! ^^

We had lunch at Watami and the food was awesome! And not too expensive also :D And then we just walked around, to Forever 21 and H&M etc.

While walking, we just kept talking about our lives in the past 2 years. And after shopping, we were at Food Republic and we talked even more. We talked about our nightmares which I have never thought mine was really a nightmare until only today. It seems like it was almost a nightmare. All the insecurities and uncertainties about my feelings. But you know what? I can't believe I survived it. And I haven't even thought about it for a super long time till today when Charmain mentioned. I've definitely gotten over it ;D

I feel alive these days. Not just living my everyday "life", but I feel truly alive.

Thankful for everything.

Then when I reached home, my mum called and I was reprimanded for going out and reaching home late everyday. I know my mum is concerned and I feel bad. But I still want to go out :/ I don't want to stay at home and rot. I want to feel alive. But that said, I think I seriously should find a job asap. I can't just spend money everyday like that -_-

Hope I'll get the job I want.

It's not too late, I'm still right here.

&the pages keep turning.

Today morning, we all sent Joshua off for NS. And I'm super surprised that Joshua's mum remembers me ._. I don't know from where or when though. Haha.

Haha anyways it's pretty cool seeing/touching his hair ._. I'm looking forward to seeing other guys' hair. LOL! After that, we girls + TY walked around, while Dylan went home and the rest went to gym. Then we had lunch at the food court and then talked. HAHAHA. Our class loves to sit down somewhere to talk ._.

After that, headed over to Jorene's place. I guess I'm disturbing her all the time. But I had an awesome time at Jorene's. When I feel :/, she's always the person I'd like to find to talk about things. And yes. I'm feeling :/ right now.

I think I'm a very different person this year compared to last year, last last year, last last last year, last last (...) year. I'm more daring. Not sure if it's for the better or worse. But I think I wanna stay like that. Rather than complaining all the time, I'd rather make a move to do something or solve something.

Shopping tomorrow :) I'm looking forward to it.

Sometimes it does hurt.

&the pages keep turning.

Taken by me on Joshua's dslr on Tuesday!
Click on the picture above to see it animate! :D
Haha see the night sky and traffic :D But I wish my hand was more stable and that I'm able to stay in one position :/ Haha do I have some potential in taking pictures? ;) I've been learning since last last year and I remembered it was Michael who first thought me something about "the focus" of the picture. Hope I'll do better next time ^^

&the pages keep turning.

Hello!

Today I was out with TY to complete the thing I had to do since I lost the bet due to my insecurities -_- Omg, raw salmon is really ...................................... LOL.

But lunch at Ichiban Sushi was really worth it. The food that I ordered was super worth it. And you know what, I've got my appetite back officially! :D Yesterday lunch still not so, but dinner I sort of can eat already. Maybe cuz it's with soup also. And today, totally can eat without feeling sick or nauseous. Yay! :D

After 1.5 weeks, my appetite is back. Omg. Super happy! :D
Omg, it's time to grow fat again :/ Hahahaha.

But wts. I'm down with a cold today. Hope I didn't pass it to anyone. Blocked nose in the morning, slight running nose, keep sneezing (like now, I just sneezed) Must be someone cursing me so much ._. And my nose feels uncomfortable sometimes. Lol please let me get well soon ba.

And air tickets booked! Yay! ^^ Excited about the trip with mum and cousins :D And I wanna wear my boots :D Hehe.

Ohya, and just recently, it has been quite creepy on FB. I always accept people who adds me on FB regardless whether they are people whom I know or don't know. Everyday for the past few days, I've been receiving friend requests from Indonesians and other random people. Now I know how my cousins can get a few thousand friends -_-

Befriending is not the creepy part. Saying "hello" is not the creepy part. Saying "nice to meet you" is not the creepy part. It becomes creepy when the person starts sharing my pictures, commenting on how cute somebody is, keeps talking to me on FB message. Yesterday, I still replied the person who tried to talk to me, in a normal friendly manner. But after awhile it became really awkward since I don't know the person. And today, he tried talking to me again. Like wtf. It's damn weird. And I refused to reply and then he FB message again. Argh, spare me! :( Lol and I just unfriend-ed some of them. Giving me creeps.

Anyways, I'm feeling insecure about my friendship with this person right now. I have a feeling we will not talk much anymore after that, not like we have talked much before this. Because this person has you1 and you2 and I'm just a nobody. And I will continue to be a nobody. I should stop talking and thinking about this person, because I'll just miss this person even more.

Stop me.

&the pages keep turning.